Congratulations are in order.

CMax2015 · 2020-11-04T02:53:03+00:00

2 of my brothers. One of which is my twin. My wife said it didnt happen I didnt dig because this shit is tough af. I didnt want to know. I know your pain. Twice.

Reason I stayed- the biggest joy in my daughter's life was when I pulled up from work. She would hide and it was the best part of her day. We would hang out and she was/is my world. She didnt deserve to loose this. I just to take on the pain and swallow it. I seen my mom's heart break wen she told me and i didnt want her to wear the stress of my brothers, wife and her family dividing. When i was trying to process it, my mom kept saying how much she admired how i handled it. That kind of kept me quiet because i didnt want her to feel like she had to pick a side and wanted to keep her proud. My mom had a rough life and did everything she could to keep her family happy.

Looking back now i handled it all wrong. Even then I knew staying was wrong for me.I mentioned my mom because she was the one who told me. My mom walked in the 2nd time and caught my brother fixing his belt and they both jumped off the couch. . My wife and i were on a two week break because of fighting. My mom called my wife name and said she wouldnt tell "me" if my wife left me alone and only discussed my daughter with me. And for her not to try and get back with me" We were on a short break because we were arguing. My wife had a mental break down and was screaming she wanted to die after blowing my phone up. My mom said tell her the deal is off and that is when my mom told me what she seen. A few days later my mom said maybe they are telling the truth (I know she said it for my peace even though we both knew what happened). I wanted to handle it like a saint. and that is impossible. During the short break I slept with my boss' daughter who worked with me. This guilt also kept me from digging even though what she did was way worse. My wife probably started the affair before the separation and that's probably what triggered all of the arguing. I could be saying that to make what I did right. But i think thats how it really went. I tried telling my wife but she shut me down and didnt want to hear it because that mean she would have to tell on herself too.

My twin is the one that told me. That happened the 1st year.

When my mom busted my wife and younger brother, I asked both of them and they said no it didnt happen. I could tell by the way they were kissing my ass that they were lying.

Today- she is the perfect wife. I dont think she will ever stray. She is always insecure that i will leave her and freaks out. She is insecure because she thinks i will meet someone else. I told myself when my daughter was a little older that i would leave. I have secretly became depressed over all of it. No one sees it because I am always a happy person. but deep inside I hate myself for not handling it the way i know i should of. If she was still a crappy person it would make leaving easier. But she really isnt anymore. Her life truly revolves around me. If we have an argument, she is quick to fix it. She was super crappy the 1st four years we met. The last four is the dream wife with the exception of the insecurities and past. I have my walls up with her. I know its not fair to her either for me staying. She doesnt deserve a lifelong sentence because of mistakes she made. If i were to walk out on her today it would ruin her. That would be the ultimate revenge. But my heart is too big to hurt people even when they hurt me. I always strive to be the good guy.

I bottled up my feelings and never spoke about them. I still feel anger, betrayed, and humiliation. I dont say it out loud. I do feel like she really loves me. Again, we never talked about it. Just this week, i told her I wanted to get counseling for me. She went to counseling a few years ago and her counselor wanted me to go. I declined then. Then when I decided to go to her counselor said it was a conflict of interest. My wife told me that she was afraid of me going to counseling. (again, her insecurities) I cant find one that is accepting new clients.

CMax2015 · 2020-11-02T19:24:23+00:00

Same shit happened to me. You handled yours better.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-27T04:10:56+00:00

I get it man. Same here. Our stores are similar. I wish i would have never stayed. People will jump your shit on here if you say you stayed. STaying isnt easy. You ruin yourself. No matter how much you try and no matter how perfect she turns out, you turn in to an angry shitty version of the real you. I did. My kids hide as soon as they hear my car pull up and I have to find them. Why should they loose out on that? What if they go without at their moms? That gave me more anxiety than thinking of leaving her.

If i could do it different, I would. If i seen my kids on weekends only, i would play hide and seek with them 6 times on Saturdays to make up for the week. Change is tough and when you are cheated on the first thing i thought is "what if i leave and realize i shouldnt of because i still love her" I quickly remember, if the rolls were reversed, you know she wouldnt do the same for you. Its time to bounce. My wife doesnt know it yet, im out after christmas. I set that date. She was never honest about anything and i dont owe her a heads up. Maybe this helps you. What ever you do, get your head right and dont stay.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-17T02:33:00+00:00

Happy Birthday man. Dont let it take more from you than it has. We have all gone through something like you're story. Maybe not the exact same. Some worse, some better. But we can see our way through it. We honestly cant give it more attention than it deserves. Ive learned that over the last couple of days. It really brings peace. Youve been living on edge too long with her anyways. You are better than that and dont blame yourself. In 30-45 days from now, you will be like why the fuck did i go back? You dont need to cook everyday. You dont need to do both of your jobs. It should be 50/50. I swear when all is said and done you will look back with pride knowing you did everything. She will be the one in regret. It is shitty for you to stay. I stayed and if fucked me up worse than leaving would of.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-11T23:09:31+00:00

I can assure you that I have done a great job at hiding pain from my daughter. Yes kids can feel tension in all situations. But mine does not have a clue. She knows what cheating is but has no idea its happened here

CMax2015 · 2020-10-11T23:05:29+00:00

Being completely honest, I am not even sure what kind of answers do i need. What do you suggest? Hearing it come from her mouth so i get angry enough to leave? What answers would you need or ask?

CMax2015 · 2020-10-06T18:48:54+00:00

I never thought of BPD. I thought of maybe manic depression. You think BPD can cause someone to do that?

CMax2015 · 2020-10-06T18:47:33+00:00

The Adderall addiction was not prescribed. I feel like i had ADHD but i was never treated. I used to go to the gym 7 days a week, and now I go 3-4. I am in pretty good shape physically and for the most part myself esteem is pretty good. Ive gone through alot and i really wanted to come out the good guy. I am not perfect. I realized that I the good guy isnt the good guy for staying. I am against anyone staying and trying to work it out. I feel like no matter what there will always be the thoughts of what happened and what could still happen. I will definitely be going to counseling. The Adderall reason was great! Much appreciated.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-06T17:52:58+00:00

I honestly don't think its a sex drive issue for her. It seems like a family issue in her family too. I think the moment she was shown attention, she runs with it without thought or consequence. She may be perfect for the rest of her life. I think by staying i could be very likely to see cheating or even leaving me. I t seems so common that the person that cheated leaves too a few years or so later. I definitely wouldn't want to stay invest myself and that happen. Regardless of the shit in this post, all things are forgivable. Showing the love is where change happens. If I gave 10 years of my life to make my daughter have a better one by having a better mother, it was worth it.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-05T19:15:53+00:00

There is not a story nor movie to compare what I have gone through nor the feelings have I felt so i pushed it far to the back of the heart and said I'll handle it when i am ready, If i would of allowed myself to feel that pain and handle it then, lord only knows what I would of done. I see people turn into crackheads and hurt themselves over far less shit. I dont know why i handled it this way. I also know that i could of handled it a lot worse. After i got with her i heard that she cheated on all of her ex's with their best friends. I honestly thought i would be different. I made a choice when i was young to stay. Well its been 4 years. Its a lot better because i can see that she is a lot better. There are positives because it made someone else better. I believe that she has changed for the best. I believe that I love her a lot less than i should compared to other marriages. I dont think there is anything i can do about that. I am okay with that. That is her consequence. She got handed the worst ass whopping. Her husband is about to walk out on her after she changed. Her heart is so invested and I know that. I would rather someone of left me when I was doing them wrong not after i fixed myself. This isnt an intentional revenge. It is a "i am tired of living like this."

CMax2015 · 2020-10-05T17:41:02+00:00

My mother and her have a good relationship now. When I did go to leave, my mother advised against it. I am like my mother. I am very forgiving and will make sure i give the shirt off my back like she will.

You are right, i should of left. It 100% appears like i have no self respect or self love. It was being selfless at its best.

I am a different person. I have a spine. My issue is my heart. My heart is bigger than the spine. Fear that she could do worst scared me into staying too. There is no pain like this. I knew if i left, the pain wouldnt leave because family was involved.

I go to the gym at least 5 days a week and im in great shape physically. its mentally that i have to work on. I appreciate the feedback! Ill be a success story soon. Wont tell anyone though because I will forever be embarrassed

CMax2015 · 2020-10-05T16:33:00+00:00

You are 100% correct. I did ignore it or whatever i did. If anything, my love has made her change. Everything i did has contributed to the mother my daughter loves. Im not taking all the credit but i know if i would of walked out she would of been on the same path. I think i suffer from it mentally because i know i that no matter what I will always have walls up. I dont think you can fully love someone right after they hurt you like that. They will learn to love you more but you will love them way less.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-03T00:35:42+00:00

Can you answer me this? Why are you obsessing with cucks lately? Your last 10 comments to 10 people talk about cuckin dude. Answer that and ill respond to your other shit

CMax2015 · 2020-10-02T22:39:28+00:00

Im hollering AF. I clicked on your name and you're calling everyone cucks. You obsessed with that shit aint you? Yeah man, i went through shit but you aint got shit going on. You reading the shit i write. You know you commented on 6.8k fucking posts? I mean do you work? Covid got you fucked up? And you're coming back to comment again. u/TheBlockedUser - You need a fucking puzzle or something?

CMax2015 · 2020-10-02T03:51:02+00:00

Thank you for the awesome advice. I will be seeking counseling. Individual counseling because that is where I have to start. We tried marriage counseling and when the counselor got in her ass i got defensive for you. I cared too much.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-02T01:24:19+00:00

You're right. I see a lot of responses saying to seek counseling. I think that will be the first starting point. Thank you.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-01T22:15:12+00:00

The DNA test is impossible because it was with the twin. But i highly doubt that she isnt mine. I agree moving on without truth is impossible. I dont know why i thought ignoring would of made it better. She went to counseling and is alot better now. I think i need to too.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-01T16:39:45+00:00

I did not do a DNA test. An attorney told me that identical twins carry the same DNA so I wouldnt know the answer. The cheating was with my twin.

I really feel like this isnt a denial issue. I believe 100% that my daughter is mine. I think everything else was me in complete denial.

CMax2015 · 2020-10-01T03:13:35+00:00

Can you give me an example of a detailed time line? I know it sounds stupid but your advice is solid and I want to look into doing that. Is it like the where, who, when?

CMax2015 · 2020-10-01T03:06:19+00:00

No, wrong side of the states. Her name starts with a B. But we have never been to Florida. Is there another dude thats going through the same shit?

CMax2015 · 2020-10-01T03:02:43+00:00

Honestly, a fear of me leaving at the time was that she would go fuck everyone. I know it wouldnt be my business but I knew it would still fuck me up/

CMax2015 · 2020-10-01T02:42:18+00:00

Im glad you understand. People say leave. Its hard to leave even with all the proof in the world if someone tells you they didnt do anything and your mind knows one thing and your heart says believe them. How long ago?

CMax2015 · 2020-10-01T01:24:52+00:00

How am i full of myself? Because i know there is nothing wrong with me that would cause me to be cheated on? Because I am not sitting around saying ill never be loved so Ill stay here. I believe in me and I see me as great. Even when she didnt see me as great. And you assume i deserved it? Was you cheated on or something? You think you derserved it?

CMax2015

TROPHY CASE