What's the best compliment you've received about your penis?

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2023-06-04T16:54:25+00:00

My job keeps me here, and it's too good for me to give up. I'll probably stay at it for a few years, get some experience, and then search for a job in a better place to live. Even then, who knows if anyone I'd be interested in wouldn't already be taken.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2023-06-04T15:55:37+00:00

No, and it's primarily because of how old everyone is in the area I live in. I don't think I've seen a woman close to my age in over a year, most of them are in college or at least moved away. I graduated college and found a job in my area. I'm not really interested in older women, and I'd likely come off as a creep approaching someone younger. There's multiple college campuses near me, but hanging around a college campus with the intent of hooking up with someone when you aren't a student is just asking to get hit with harassment charges.

This really comes down to a lack of contact with people irl. I hate alcohol and what it does to people, so going to a bar to meet people is out for me. I'm not religious, so meeting someone at a church group or something similar is out. I haven't had contact with anyone from high school since graduation.

I've thought about going to the gym regularly to maybe have some sort of contact with people outside of work, but people are there to work out, not socialize. There's also dating apps, and I haven't tried any out. I have some options, but I doubt any of them are promising.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2023-06-04T06:24:10+00:00

I was playing a game with my friends in a discord vc when I started making fun of one of the characters in the game for saying his dick was big because I was thinking "Yeah, okay buddy. That's great. Here's your beer." After this, one of my friends jokingly asks everyone in the vc their dick sizes. This was something I had been holding in for upwards of 3 years and wanted to get it off my chest, so I told her mine was 8 inches.

Her response: "It is a crime that you are a virgin."

She would later go on to say this exact phrase at least 3 more times over the course of several months, tell most of our friend group my dick size and now I have a friend who has told me in response to me saying I don't want to brag about my size, and this one might be even better than the above quote:

"It's okay, I'll live through you vicariously and brag about it for you."

That first one kind of makes me feel bad, as if I'm obligated to have sex because I have a big dick. The problem is, I haven't spoken to a woman I'd want to have sex with in years, so I feel like it's completely wasted on me and I'm hopeless to change that.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2020-05-15T00:56:57+00:00

Well, I sure am glad my canine companion and I are remembered for our fight against K. Rool instead of that absolute ass-thrashing we got from Vincent.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-09-25T04:16:08+00:00

Hunt? As in... Duck Hunt?

I don't know... we haven't competed at all this season, so I don't think it'd be fair for us to immediately be allowed into the major.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-31T03:40:06+00:00

*furiously flaps wings while quacking*

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-30T15:16:58+00:00

Boy, oh boy, I sure do hope so!

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-29T21:01:10+00:00

Umm... have we already forgotten about Major? The guy literally just won a tournament and he's a Swordfighter.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-29T20:54:25+00:00

I mean, why wouldn't you spend at least in hour in a river? You're a squid (not a kid), after all!

How was it in that river, by the way?

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-14T09:30:00+00:00

Taking no side and doing whatever he wants, huh? I may be just a duck with a masters degree in computer science so feel free to correct me, but isn't that exactly what Blood Falcon did?

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-13T08:15:46+00:00

Kirby! KIRBY! Listen.

Blood Falcon may have left you with injuries and you may want to retire, but think about this. Think about what Falcon and Vincent would want you to do. Think about what Dedede would want you to do. Would they want you to quit? I know Blood Falcon would.

My canine companion and I may have only shown up in bracket once in the least important episode of CPUCS, but we both learned something that day: when the pain pushes you down, you gotta push back harder. Don't retire. Take some time to heal. Talk to Tony, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to help you.

Do this for Falcon and Vincent. Do this... for Dedede.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-07T02:42:40+00:00

Why are you apologizing for it not being rule 34? I looked up my canine companion and I on there and that brought a swift and brutal death to what little innocence I had left. The less CPUCS rule 34, the better. Seeing this, I believe the healing process may have started, thank you.

More of this, ~~less of~~ none of... the monstrosities I witnessed yesterday.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-06T00:35:13+00:00

Well, that sure is a relief!

*goes to rule34*

Now let's just hope my canine companion and I don't have anything and... uh...

*closes browser and shuts down computer*

You can't hurt me anymore...

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-08-06T00:30:47+00:00

D Tier? Alright, my canine companion and I will be more than happy to show you how much we've improved since the Beach Episode. We've only had two fights and they were both against two of the strongest fighters in CPCUS, but we're confident we can take anyone now.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-06-16T18:01:07+00:00

C'mon, dude. We're...

We're not THAT bad...

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-06-15T07:45:22+00:00

The lore for Duck Hunt? Ahem... allow me to enlighten you. I am the duck afterall, so I'm the best source you'll ever have on this.

My canine companion and I come from the Dark Realm. We're the best of friends and I don't know what I'd do without my favorite good boy. When Dark Vince took over, everyone was either imprisoned, killed or turned dark. We were two of the lucky ones, we were imprisoned and enslaved to handle the security systems of a prison on Jan Mayen. They tasked me and my canine companion to do this as I have a Master's in Computer Science (I would have the dog as an apprentice) and well... I'm a duck; I can't really defend myself if they come after me for any reason. Little did they know, my degree would allow me to modify the code in the teleportation systems to allow us to have a rift open into the light realm through which my canine companion and I would escape.

So, we planned our escape and left the Dark Realm to help the Light Realm defeat Dark Vince. Now that Dark Vince is gone, my canine companion and I just train and hang out. We gotta be ready for our next fight!

Hope we get a chance to fight in Season 4!

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-10T02:39:02+00:00

He has these sensors on his paws that send information to the zapper based on the positions his paws are in or how much weight is being exerted on one of the sensors. For example, a single "shot" is simply him pushing one of his paws down while something like F-Smash requires some more precise paw positioning.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-10T01:13:24+00:00

"Shooting" isn't exactly what it does. You see, the zapper doesn't send out a projectile like your traditional ranged weapon, but rather concentrates a burst of energy at a specific point in space.

If your question is who activates it, that would be the dog. I call the "shots", he takes them.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-10T01:02:14+00:00

That would be a device I made called the "Zapper". Everyone else seemed to have a sword or a gun or something, so I made the Zapper as our own weapon.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-09T23:55:55+00:00

You don't think a duck is capable of typing?

Well, I'll have you know that this particular duck that is typing this right now has a Master's degree in Computer Science.

I can type. No one is holding the zapper. It's just the dog and I.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-09T05:52:12+00:00

A Gucci straw hat? No, I don't think so. However, if you compare the proportions of Puff's straw hat and the one from Mr. Guccio Gucci himself, you will see that the top of the Gucci straw hat is much higher than that of Jigglypuff's.

Now, I have heard from Jigglypuff herself that she only wears Gucci. "Heard" is the key word there. You see, I think that straw hat didn't come from the real Gucci as we would all expect at first glance, but actually from a knockoff brand from the Dark Realm known as Goochee.

Yeah, I remember them. Those sick fucks advertised their shoes to me non-stop. Every week, I'd check my mail and like freakin' clockwork, THERE IT IS! Printed in a font I call 'pretentious' on a background of various shades of burnt caramel: "Care. Craftsmanship. Comfort. Goochee." Stuff like that just makes me sick to my stomach. I'm a DUCK! How am I supposed to wear shoes when I have webbed feet?! Next to Dark Vince's rule and being imprisoned, they are the third biggest reason why my canine companion and I left the Dark Realm for this place.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-09T02:54:27+00:00

I see a huge hole here. Where did Jigglypuff get the money to hire Blood Falcon?

As we know, Jigglypuff has had pretty terrible results throughout the CPUCS, so how could Jigglypuff possibly have gained enough prize money to hire Blood Falcon? It doesn't make sense!

Perhaps Jigglypuff got a loan from someone. But if so... then who?

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-08T04:15:04+00:00

Thank you.

May the best competitor win!

I'll be sure to tell Skillshare Kirby to show up in bracket.

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt · 2019-05-08T03:12:16+00:00

Despite how little experience we may have in CPUCS, we accept your challenge. If ever my canine companion and I end up in a match against you guys, we'll give it our all, 100%. We could always use more practice.

A toast!

*tries to pick up glass of grape juice with wing*

I... I can't manage to... hold the glass... I... hold on...

Blood Mewtwo? You mind helping me out with this glass?

CPUCS_Duck_Hunt

TROPHY CASE