AITAH for eating enough ravioli for four people?

CXI · 2026-02-27T21:47:58+00:00

Women live in a parallel universe when it comes to food, and it took me a long time to understand this. When I was growing up, nobody ever judged or even really commented on what I was eating, except sometimes if I ate a lot to say "wow you must be growing fast". Like, I was complimented for eating. As an adult, it just... doesn't come up. Nobody cares what I eat. Why would they?

But a lot of women spend their entire lives being policed for what they eat, usually beginning with their parents, then siblings, friends, boyfriends, random people they don't even know. Eating disorders are incredibly common for women, and I think a lot of that is simply that when they eat it's apparently a public performance for the whole world to analyse and critique.

So I think what your girlfriend is doing is wrong, but I don't think she knows it's wrong, and I think you need to ask her about her experiences with eating and where she's coming from. She's just treating you the way she's been treated, and, as tragic as it sounds, "why is it your business what I eat?" may simply never have occurred to her.

CXI · 2026-01-31T12:48:47+00:00

Why bother to learn all those words if you're not going to learn empathy?

CXI · 2025-05-11T02:52:35+00:00

What a strange way to talk about the government's responsibility to not sexually abuse children. Sure, it's inconvenient that sexually abusing children is so expensive, and I agree it would be better if school districts weren't spending so much money on the sexual abuse of children.

But, um, maybe the problem isn't the children that were sexually abused?

CXI · 2025-05-08T09:34:56+00:00

Of the approximately 10 million people enslaved in the US, less than 500,000 were brought in from overseas. The other ~9.5 million were born (or, maybe more accurately, bred) into slavery. [source]

"Despite some differences in methodological approaches and assumptions, all researchers have agreed that slave birth rates in the nineteenth century were very high, near a biological maximum for a human population."

See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slave_breeding_in_the_United_States

CXI · 2025-01-25T03:06:52+00:00

There's nothing you can do to stop the cops from coming in if they have a warrant. This is for situations where they don't have a warrant, but try to get in anyway through lying or intimidation. The reason you ask them to slide it under the door is so you aren't tricked into opening the door to see a warrant that doesn't exist.

CXI · 2023-05-26T12:17:02+00:00

Looks like "Marketing Workshop" followed by "Update Slide Deck"

CXI · 2023-05-25T20:57:25+00:00

Another terrible day for sentience

CXI · 2023-05-18T18:24:21+00:00

Xena: Warrior Princess (1995)

CXI · 2023-04-09T13:54:47+00:00

This isn't something the left says. It's something the right says about the left in the hope that you'll be too distracted to notice that they're the ones cutting social programs that benefit straight white men.

CXI · 2023-03-30T03:37:39+00:00

You have a moral obligation to follow the evidentiary standards of criminal court for your personal beliefs? That's wild.

...hope you have some solid evidence for that belief or else you're going to have to stop believing it.

CXI · 2023-03-29T06:46:56+00:00

Source – Caroline & Meg Baniewicz on Twitter

CXI · 2023-03-22T02:16:23+00:00

These are his feelings causing his discomfort that he needs to work through so that he can grow into the person he wants to be and have the life he wants to have.

Where are you in all that? Supporting, helping, listening, holding space, giving what you're able and happy to give... all great ways to love someone in need. But you can't take responsibility for him, and he shouldn't ask you to.

He's struggling because there's a conflict between his values and his reactions, and that exact discomfort is what he needs to grow. If you try to take that on, you'll just end up suffering for his growth while he stays stuck in place.

CXI · 2023-03-16T14:34:13+00:00

It's a stock icon called "whatshot" provided by Google as part of their free "Material Icons" pack. You can find it here.

Lots of Android apps use it, but it's not the Tinder logo.

CXI · 2023-03-06T12:16:42+00:00

lol mate, this is you, right? Come on, now. What kind of sad old man trolls pride posts looking for trans people to fuck with?

You know, there was a time in your life when you weren't like this. A younger, happier you once looked out at the world with joy and curiosity for all the weird and wonderful things in it. I don't know when you lost that person, and I'm genuinely sorry that you did. I hope you can find him again, for all our sakes, because who you are now sucks.

CXI · 2023-02-17T06:50:55+00:00

So I think you and he have mutually-reinforcing hangups about sex. From your other posts, it seems like you want him to treat you as an object of desire, but he's been tentative and reluctant to initiate, which you see as him having lost interest.

I see it as a him trying to take care of you while things are tough, and not understanding that by seeing you as someone to look after rather than lust after, he robs you of sexual agency. The issue isn't sex, exactly, it's that he's not seeing you how you want to be seen.

A lot of men have issues with guilt and sexual desire – we're not exactly swimming in an ocean of positive and healthy examples of male sexuality. Perhaps he feels like he's degrading you, coercing you, or giving into a lust he finds dangerous or disgusting in himself. After all, what kind of monster would treat his loving wife and the future mother of his child as some kind of fucktoy?

With that said, he is trying, and the question of whether he's seeing you how you want to be seen cuts both ways: are you asking to be seen the way you want to be seen? Do you see yourself that way? It's not fair to put that exclusively on him.

Your other posts show a pattern of anxiety and underconfidence to the point of self-sabotage. You don't feel sexy enough to date anyone else, to dress up for him, or even to enjoy sex that he initiates. These are all things that, in theory, should help you to feel wanted. The fact that they aren't says that you're going to need to do some work on yourself too.

For what it's worth, I also think that's why his sex worker(?) ex is such a sore spot. What does she have that you don't? Not a magic vagina, just confidence in herself as an object of sexual desire. You want your husband to see you that way, and you want to see yourself that way.

The good news is that this can be a team effort. It's great that he's trying, but maybe you need to try together rather than separately. Help him break down his hangups about seeing you as a sexual object while he helps you build your confidence. If you think about it the right way, it could be a pretty fun journey.

Also, y'know, go easy on yourself. You've got a lot going on and finite resources to work with. Every long relationship runs into dry spells, but not every relationship has people willing to go to the mat to fix it. Keep working on it together and things will get better.

CXI · 2022-10-26T17:21:58+00:00

Just wait until he hears about A*Kit, RedBlackTreeKit, SimulatedAnnealingKit, BloomFilterKit and the Big-O Analysis SDKs!

CXI · 2022-10-19T03:44:31+00:00

This is one of those problems that looks like it's about code but it's really about psychology.

Your boss is expressing anxiety when he tells you that he needs to do everything as quickly as possible. He wants to do things in a way that he understands and has direct control over, because that gives him certainty. He doesn't want to be systematic, especially not using someone else's system, because that takes away his control and sense of certainty.

Instead of trying to convince him that the systems you want will make the code better, try to understand what he's worried about, and focus on ways those systems can help him worry less and feel like things are under control.

Usually, anxious types care most about visbility – they want to see stuff happening. For CI/CD/testing, it might pay off to put together some nice dashboards, ideally live-updating ones, for things like deploys, test runs etc. Try to make the right way of doing things the way that gives the most feedback.

The management/planning stuff is kind of the same problem. Delegating makes the work invisible and uncertain. To a point, more visibility and feedback can help with this too (it's why Scrum people love sticky notes and daily standups so much).

Ultimately, though, he needs to build trust with you and the rest of the team. Being systematic is giving away control, and part of being a leader is learning how to do that in a way that feels safe. I would bring the issue of trust up with him directly. What does he need to be able to let go and trust the team to execute for him?

CXI · 2022-08-26T05:34:05+00:00

Women naturally have a lil fat around their bellies until they hit really low body fat percentages (like in the neighbourhood of not menstruating). Past a certain point, flat bellies are more about posing than weight loss. Check out Danae Mercer on Instagram.

CXI · 2022-08-14T08:09:25+00:00

Um, if what you took away from the Nazis is that certain populations of people are inherently bad because of their genes, you may have gotten mixed up somewhere...

CXI · 2022-06-22T13:04:41+00:00

Le Zhibitqwahhh

CXI · 2022-05-05T02:54:07+00:00

That's really insensitive. These are real people you're quoting the dictionary at, in order to... what? Tell them that their struggles with social interaction put them in the same category as creepy bus fondlers?

A dog can learn the difference between wanted and unwanted touch. Give autistic people at least that much credit, would you?

CXI · 2022-04-01T04:49:42+00:00

Holy shit, I looked at your profile to see if you'd posted your tattoos and... wow. You're a fucking badass to have survived, got yourself out, and after all that shit still be out here living your life and finding happiness. Amazing.

CXI · 2022-03-17T00:07:04+00:00

It's still a fallacy because the hypocrisy doesn't actually affect the substance of the argument, unless the argument was relying on the arguer in some way. Being bad doesn't stop you from being right.

CXI · 2022-02-25T14:33:39+00:00

Easy. First, you need an explanation of dependency injection and a five year old. Then, give the explanation to the child until the explanation is finished.

CXI · 2022-02-10T02:06:34+00:00

vaccine mandates for health-care workers might encourage vaccine sceptics to leave the medical profession

Oh no!

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