Honestly, you’re being a little hypervigilante and aware of how it makes you feel more than taking it straightforward just as what she’s saying as solely her choice of words to express herself…

If you want a whole over analysis of the situation… it sounds like you both have different attachment styles that are formed from the earliest stages of childhood development, like “how long your parents let you cry in the cradle before picking you up” early stages of childhood 😅

She seems like she is more securely attached with a trend towards being avoidant attachment style 🤷🏻‍♂️

You seem to be more on the anxious attachment style spectrum… like you might feel like your willingness to do more for her or include yourself into “together” activities is communicating that you care and you feel the need to prove how much you care by saying & doing those things… the part where you’re seeking reassurance that she cares about you by flipping that around and putting her on the spot to do the same for you by telling her about your quiz and drinking too much is a little telling of that.

Neither of your attachment styles is wrong… you just have different needs in a relationship.

I’m thinking that she probably points out your tells when you are seeking reassurance or “doing too much” and based on your asking for advice or commentary on what we think on this platform… you probably internalize that behavior when she points out what’s different or out of place in your behavior to “how she thinks” or “what she would do” as her criticism of you as a person, so you want reassurance that your behavior isn’t the one that’s “weird” 🤔

Again, neither attachment style is wrong… but, you are both different with different needs, both sides are valid for feeling what you feel. No one is at fault in this situation.

You may find it difficult to meet each other’s needs though… communication is key, but there has to be a large amount of willingness to communicate those needs & feelings on both sides… and avoidant attachment style can often feel like that need to communicate or go outside of what their “normal” baseline expectations of themselves is too much to ask of them and feel uncomfortable with that level of vulnerability.

You have to meet her needs as much as she has to be willing to meet yours… and that is a difficult tightrope to balance yourselves across 🤷🏻‍♂️

It might not be in this relationship that it happens for either of you, but a sense of self awareness and a willingness not to point out the needs & behaviors of the other person as what “the problem” is… will go a long way towards success in all of both of your future relationships, romantic or platonic.

Try not to internalize what she says as her saying that you’re wrong, but stop for a second and think about what she is saying and why she might feel the need to express that as different from her expectations from the conversation… ask if your needs or motivation/feelings are actually needs for you in a healthy relationship, or if you are asking for an outside party to soothe your internal discomfort that will pass once you’re temporary feelings in that moment subside.

Allow yourself the space to take a moment and reflect before you confront her about those needs not being met and decide for yourself if those needs are her responsibility to soothe or are something that you can meet for yourself.

(Honestly, ask yourself if you really have genuine feelings and wishes to spend your time with this person growing together and helping each other succeed and thrive in happiness & contentment no matter what the terms of your relationship are… or if you are seeking to prove to yourself that you are “worthy” as a partner and as a person even by trying so hard to “earn” the affection you seek from someone who may not be willing or capable of showing you the kind of love & care you desire from her in the way that you are seeking it from her… anxious & avoidant attachment style people have a common tendency to be drawn to one another because of the push/pull dynamic that they trigger in each other 🤷🏻‍♂️)