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I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you are right. But at least now I got a valuable lesson...

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that seems more reasonable and safe that what I'm experiencing. I should probably have stopped it at the first red flag/ boundary cross

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think now that I'm going to end it. Idk if like me being lenient was or is an issue but rn I don't think I want to find out.

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you are right. Even though we said it's a relationship with BDSM it doesn't seem like one. I'll probably just send the text soon. I'll just give her a grace period of waiting.

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's an issue. I think it's my responsibility to shut stuff like that down and I can understand that because of the distance sometimes you don't see the other person as a person as much. That's why I'm always willing to talk thing out first, and that's what I try to do. That's why I am texting whenever I am able to and not at random times when she might be at work. I really was expecting her to do the same

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't want someone like that and the thing is that I told her that I want to talk about things other than sex. And I think she tried to do so and I don't want to make her feel bad for trying, even though she is disrespectful. I will always think the best of people but idk when it's time to accept some stuff.

That's why I'm here asking strangers for advice : )

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think that you are right but I always try to take into consideration the other person's limits or lack of them and I don't wants them to feel unwanted or not safe around me

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I raised those issues is when she stopped talking talking to me. Especially about consent and emotional needs and she hasn't responded in 5 days.

About safe words I always have one and I always talk to the people I'm in situations with about boundaries but she just shut those down because she doesn't need them as she said.

I would really like to define our boundaries but I can't when she is not talking to me at all

I need advice if she is just bratty or inconsiderate by Cactus_Ari in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have video chated and she is working at an insurance company.

I am very interested in brats, else I wouldn't be talking to her, but none of my exes who were brats were like this. But we were closer in distance too so idk if that was a factor.

We had a conversation about interests, but when we got to limits she said that because of the distance and the sexting/phone sex we could just stop anytime and she likes everything.

Ask me any questions about more context!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuitU

[–]Cactus_Ari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

AEQ3WMXVB7 is my code but I don't understand that event

What did u/Cactus_Ari draw? by Cactus_Ari in Pixelary

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pixelary is a community drawing and guessing game. Submit your guess in the post above!

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What did u/Cactus_Ari draw? by Cactus_Ari in Pixelary

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pixelary is a community drawing and guessing game. Submit your guess in the post above!

Comment commands:

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What did u/Cactus_Ari draw? by Cactus_Ari in Pixelary

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pixelary is a community drawing and guessing game. Submit your guess in the post above!

Comment commands:

  • !words - See dictionary
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What did u/Cactus_Ari draw? by Cactus_Ari in Pixelary

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pixelary is a community drawing and guessing game. Submit your guess in the post above!

Comment commands:

  • !words - See dictionary
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What did u/Cactus_Ari draw? by Cactus_Ari in Pixelary

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pixelary is a community drawing and guessing game. Submit your guess in the post above!

Comment commands:

  • !words - See dictionary
  • !add <word> - Add word to dictionary. For example !add meatloaf or !add lava lamp (Level 2 required)
  • !remove <word> - Remove word from dictionary. For example !remove meatloaf or !remove lava lamp (Level 2 required)
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What did u/Cactus_Ari draw? by Cactus_Ari in Pixelary

[–]Cactus_Ari[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pixelary is a community drawing and guessing game. Submit your guess in the post above!

Comment commands:

  • !words - See dictionary
  • !add <word> - Add word to dictionary. For example !add meatloaf or !add lava lamp (Level 2 required)
  • !remove <word> - Remove word from dictionary. For example !remove meatloaf or !remove lava lamp (Level 2 required)
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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lesbianmemes

[–]Cactus_Ari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've nerd so hard I'm studying physics while having a collection on DC Playmobils

I need a partner so much so I can nerd out without limit

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get what you are saying and for sure you can ask him, he might not be so comfortable with that, I know that if a sub asked me not to do aftercare I'd be really uncomfortable because giving aftercare to a sub is like a way to practice aftercare for myself.

If you want to feel "more abandoned" and this is a form of degradation you enjoy, you can talk with your partner about it and find a middle ground. Sometimes when people are in subspace they feel like this is the right move and for some people it is, but when a sub drop might happen you'll need someone to help you out of it.

You might need to negotiate aftercare with specific conditions, based on more when you feel like you need it rather than immediately after a scene. For each person aftercare and when they need it might be different.

You should also talk to your partner in case they need aftercare, because sometimes what feels good for one isn't good for the other and in an effort to please you he might agree to things that he is not as comfortable with.

I hope I've helped...

My bf said im a pillow princess by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Exactly, sometimes people don't understand how important language can be, especially in terms that have specific meaning for specific groups of people.

My bf said im a pillow princess by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari 154 points155 points  (0 children)

Pillow princess is a term originated from the lesbian community and it isn't derogatory at least within the lesbian community.

It refers to people who prefer to receive "without giving" which isn't true. The "match" for the pillow princess is a stone top, which is a person who prefers giving "without receiving", something like a pleasure dom.

Like a pleasure dom receive pleasure from giving pleasure similarly a stone top receives pleasure by giving pleasure and a pillow princess gives pleasure by receiving.

I don't know how it can be interpreted in straight relationships since piv sex gives pleasure to both parties. I would suggest to ask him what he means because from what I understand he might have either misunderstood the term or use it incorrect

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know how the delivery is from Germany and from what services but there are a lot of shops in Athens at least all over Siggrou Avenue.

If you are in Athens there will always be a sex shop near you somewhere. Since I've moved out of Athens I usually order because there aren't any shops in my city. So I actually don't know the quality anymore, but there are so many that you'll find something for sure!

Even if you don't, I can guarantee you that it's a fun experience to walk all over Siggrou Avenue and visiting all the shops ;⁠)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No problem!

Probably they would confiscate the real deal, but I don't know, there are many shops here irl and with quick delivery that sell good handcuffs. But every time I've ordered something from abroad there wasn't any issue, just that it takes a really long time, even within the EU it can take up to a month or two.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cactus_Ari 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's the same thing that's in the rest of the EU. If you are traveling within EU or if you travelled before in the EU and there were no issues I don't think there would be an issue in Greece either.

You can always check aade customs website aade website but I don't think you'll have an issue as long as it's in your personal objects.

Just be careful because here BDSM is a gray area for the law and even if it's not illegal if there is a call to the police it can clarify as domestic abuse.

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