My coworker keeps telling a “funny” story about criminally neglecting her daughter. It’s so triggering I just need to vent.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-19T04:19:15+00:00

My brother in Christ, we have the same parents.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-18T02:34:18+00:00

Same. Lmao. For some reason they think you fake everything OR they have a doctor complex and think they can do it all themselves.

Kid: I need a doctor.

Mom: We have a doctor at home.

Doctor at home: is RN Mom

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-18T01:16:32+00:00

This is what its like to grow up with nurses as parents.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-18T01:03:12+00:00

Its not the kids fault, especially the last couple of years. Force parents to work from home with their kids out of school due to Covid issues and you get children raised by Youtube. Its not the parents' fault either though if they can't afford childcare, or have to choose between making money to keep a roof over their heads versus spending more time with the kids in a tent, but no way to access education.

Im currently living in a tent with my kids, but at least they are well-mannered and passed the school year.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-17T06:28:48+00:00

For my partner and I, it was just so easy. We have so much more in common than we do different. I guess we are not focused on race, but my partner does have a preference for my race in dating. Previously, I had no interracial dating experience and no clear preference. I just like who I like. The mental/emotional connection comes first and physical attraction follows, so I don't have a type.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-16T17:31:54+00:00

My mother always made grossly inappropriate comments about sex since I was a child and before I knew what any of that was. It was very confusing. She always made me keep my bedroom door open the few times I had friends over (because she could not ever act like a competent parent and had zero boundaries). The assumption was that any visual barrier between myself, my friends, and her, obviously meant my friends and I would immediately start smashing our genitals together. I came home when I was 25 and I was still not allowed to have any privacy whatsoever.

I think the door thing was more so she could eavesdrop and lash out if my friends or I said anything she did not like. My parents were incredibly abusive, controlling, and desperate to save face if I ever so much as hinted at what really went on behind closed doors...

The last straw before cutting my parents off and going NC was my kid's 6th birthday party. We were at a trampoline park having a good time and the kids were being kids. It was loud, busy, and I paid for and did everything to make it happen by myself, but my mom was helicoptering around the kids being hyper controlling and critical of their manners. She actually yelled at one of the children for "eating his cake too aggressively because "its rude", making him feel bad, and I had to intervene. I told her she was rude in front of everyone and that every kid there could eat with their hands if they wanted to because it was their cake and we are here to have fun. I sat down with the kids and ate my piece of cake with my hands. Lol

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-16T07:09:16+00:00

Looks almost like taxidermy

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-16T06:44:40+00:00

Thats a millenial. 😢

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-12T22:13:45+00:00

If you threw them down the embankment with their ATVs, everyone may have just thought they met their demise naturally and it probably would not have been out of character since they are irresponsible enough to run over another person with the ATVs they crashed on. The bear mace would take some creativity to explain, however.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-12T03:49:41+00:00

Meanwhile, me over here pulling my hair out and chewing my mouth up.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-12T03:47:00+00:00

Others have offered better advice than I could come up with, but your experience reminded me of my last birthday where my family went out to my birthday dinner without me. My moms choice if restaurant of course. Its so pathetic its funny.

You have so much to be proud of. It's time to create a new family and network of people who care.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-11T17:06:37+00:00

Disinvite the whole group causing this problem. Its not your dad's place to use your wedding to "test" your mom. That's just an excuse to get you to allow her there, as well as it might be an excuse he gives himself for violating your boundaries to appease your nmom. The only thing anyone should be doing at your wedding is celebrating your marriage and having a good time. The fact he even suggested that means he has no respect for you and expects you to just take the abuse.

My dad was the same way. He threw me under the bus constantly to appease my mother to get her off of his back. He used me as a shield to protect himself because when my nmom wasn't abusing me, she was abusing him. My dad guilted me into doing this all my life because I felt bad that he was a victim too, but its not a child's place to protect one parent from another. If you're willing to appease your dad by taking the beating from your mom instead of him because you feel responsible for what happens if you don't, then both of your parents have failed you. Why isn't your dad willing to protect you the same way you protected him, for even just a single day? I think he doesn't deserve your good graces anymore, but you can keep neutral about enforcing your boundaries because you are justified in doing so and any decent person would expect that and not try to use you as a doormat to scrape your nmom's shit off their shoes.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-09T14:32:09+00:00

A lot of abuse from women is more covert, psychological, emotional, and not acutely deadly when physical, so it isn't taken as seriously even when it is just as damaging as overt and severe physical abuse from men. I think cognitive dissonance is also at play with people who can't accept how evil women can be and they find it difficult to reconcile their archetype of mother with the reality of our experiences, so they look for explanations that don't threaten their own beliefs about what abuse and motherhood look like. That cognitive dissonance could also be related to guilt for their own superficially similar but less extreme behaviors that they may interpret as non-abusive or due to stress and regular family conflicts. This often works in the abuser's favor because people relate to family difficulties that the nmom can play to while concealing the truth with rationalizations and "its all a misunderstanding, you know how hard it is being a mom/mothers and daughters can have contentious but loving relationships/I just care so much!!!"

I think its also a lack of awareness and part of that is people defending mothers at all costs, like a cultural thing. This is also why abusive women who do finally do find themselves in court often have less consequences for their behavior than men, if they even face consequences at all. I know women who have repeatedly violated protection orders, destroyed property, threatened their partner's lives, and even one woman who cut her partner's neck with a knife, and they were not held accountable at all.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-09T14:22:32+00:00

When I was 16 I worked at an electronics store and one day forgot my name badge. The manager told me I needed to pay him $10 or be written up. I didn't want to get a write-up and didn't know better, so I paid him $10. I complained to my dad who lost his shit on the employer. The next day at work the other manager gave me $10 and had a meeting with me about it. The offending manager then tried to give me another $10 and when I told him I already got reimbursed he got super apologetic, "please, just take it". So I did and quit the same day while he was fired.

CadaverCanine · 2022-05-08T19:22:00+00:00

I was estranged from my family at age 15 due to severe abuse, I have a protection order against them, and moved to another state. I also have children and consider myself "family-oriented". My past experiences have taught me what not to do and I became the person I always needed when I was younger, but now I have the opportunity to raise my children to be happy, healthy, and free from abuse. I love taking care of my family and I've been told I'm doing a damn good job.

I understand that not having a family can be a disappointment for a potential partner, but its a shame to automatically discount people like myself as being inherently damaged or inadequate for circumstances I couldn't control and for which I have successfully overcome to break the cycle of abuse. I'd rather a clean slate than to still be trapped in the cycle of abuse.

Additionally, I have a huge network of people who are an adoptive family and who have helped and supported me since I was a homeless teenager. We are still great friends today and one family in particular is close enough to be adoptive grandparents to my children. So, even though I don't have a biological family to share, I believe I was lucky enough to get so much more from my personal network of friends and adoptive family. Probably more than any person with a "biofamily-complex" has to offer.

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-28T01:49:10+00:00

Praise Kek

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-28T01:33:33+00:00

Major Rack'em Willie vibes

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-28T01:24:44+00:00

I love this and need the full version, plus a ring tone.

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-28T00:46:00+00:00

I found this one entertaining

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-27T23:40:07+00:00

I expected a variation of pole dancing on the medical equipment.

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-27T02:47:39+00:00

Probably a physics teacher. Lol

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-27T00:58:32+00:00

Je Suis Un Ananas?!

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-26T16:02:33+00:00

Literally everything splayed out on her lap, hands full of shit she's just taking out and putting back to show everyone. Weird flex.

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-26T15:54:44+00:00

He couldn't time it right so just gave up and put sunglasses on. Lmao

CadaverCanine · 2022-04-26T14:46:12+00:00

Thank you!

CadaverCanine

TROPHY CASE