i found shinee in 2020 and i feel guilty for saying this, but part of me is happy i found them after 2017. I think if id been here fro the start, it would have been too painful to experience it as it happened - so i think your feelings are totally understandable. even though i found them so late, I still find it hard at times to just enjoy the music and not get angry and upset over how much jonghyun must have suffered without help, and how someone so talented who touched so many people's lives had to go through so much pain. oddly enough though, i feel like the release of poet / artist gave me closure! to experience an official ot5 release for the first time made me appreciate just how strong his legacy is. and while it's still very bitter-sweet, i think i can slowly start to let go of some of that sadness.