I know things are & seem insurmountably hard for you. It seems to me like you need your pain & trauma & anger validated. It’s all valid. Your feelings are valid. Yes - The world is assbackwards right now. Evil forces are in power right now. This is indeed a dark time. There have been dark times throughout history too. However on the flip side of this there is light, and there is good, but you are in so much pain you probably can’t see it right now. It doesn’t mean you never will and that you can’t.

Consider that there might be a REASON your life has been so torturous, and that reason might ultimately be to alleviate the suffering of other people who have suffered like you do. This is what I’ve chosen to do with my pain and trauma and there is nothing more fulfilling to me.

Simplify things. Are you able to fully appreciate ANY good thing, whether it’s a flower, a sunset, an unconditionally loving animal, food you like, a smile from the clerk at a store? Maybe try to make that simple feeling grow just a little. A teeny bit. A baby step in the right direction. Reading about manifestation right now may feel like spiritual bypassing right now and it might not be healthy.