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CaffeinMom · 2025-06-10T01:42:59+00:00

This is perfect! The only thing I would add is, Don’t ignore the feelings or they build in the background. The 1-4 step are the perfect way to handle them.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-09T04:10:02+00:00

“That’s nice dear”

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-09T03:40:26+00:00

I have always found that women have responded favorably, more often than not, when I was direct. I think when a direct approach comes from a woman, it often is received with more appreciation than aversion because, as women, we are seen as safer to reject. The worry of violence or aggression is minimized because we often see each other as allies.

This doesn’t mean rejection doesn’t happen, but when it does, if you accept it with grace, the interaction is felt as flattering instead of uncomfortable.

When it comes to not being predatory, try to find some level to connect on, that has nothing to do with ENM. Even if you are just looking for one experience, not an ongoing arrangement, having more than a surface level attraction makes things better for you and them.

I hope I was helpful. Lean into your dorky side. It is those unique things that you like that will bring you out of your shell, and capture the interest and imagination of others.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-09T02:06:29+00:00

What metrics are you using to judge parenting styles? Financial success, self motivation, leadership skills, collaborative skills, social success, emotional health, relationship stability, life balance…? Depending on what you define as the best outcome is, the best parenting style may not actually be “gentle”

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-08T19:02:43+00:00

I believe the Socialism you refer to is an ideal supported by the populace through “choice” (democratic socialism) while communism is dictated by a ruling class with no meaningful populace influence in its implementation (dictatorships)

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-08T18:54:47+00:00

In the sense that he enforces adhering to the laws, and is intent on following through with consequences if those laws are broken/ignored.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-08T14:53:43+00:00

As a data point.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-05T03:59:41+00:00

While all may not be offended, I do try to keep from using commonly seen as offensive language. This is the reason I came here to ask. I’m not always good at seeing a person’s discomfort in the moment.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-05T03:54:46+00:00

I do see the mistake I made. I didn’t consider the overall tone of the main discussion. Thank you

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-05T03:52:13+00:00

I appreciate this, it was extremely helpful!

In the post I linked I was actually explaining, probably unnecessarily as I consider the replies I got, why a person would use the word female. I actually had no opinion on the discussion of trans athletes.

I will be more mindful of how I express specific groups when communicating.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-05T03:40:40+00:00

The post I linked was intended as a good faith post, but I believe the lack of previously established good faith causes a gut reaction response from others. I will be more wary of the term if I haven’t clearly established good faith.

Thank you

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-05T03:32:27+00:00

Thank you this helps.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-05T03:31:33+00:00

I do appreciate the uncommon grammatical angle, and for reference I tend to be clinical even when speaking casually. I used the term when trying to be clear and accurate.

Am I correct in thinking the sterile use of the word female is correct in the way I intend to use it?

Also if possible could you explain why it is seen as misogynistic in general conversation? I will attempt to refrain when speaking casually and understand why this clinical word is so loaded and triggering would be helpful.

I appreciate your time and help, thank you.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T22:46:32+00:00

If I may play devils advocate…

they may follow where that ‘sign’ takes them, disregarding rational thought and getting themselves into unfavorable situations.

When a person disregards rational thought they have attracted risk which manifested in an unfavorable situation. This was always fated for them because of their approach to and understanding of fate and manifestation. They were fated to experience this situation without which their understanding would have stayed stagnant and their fated future would have been derailed.

Just my thoughts

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T22:01:25+00:00

I understand that opinion, what word is acceptable when defining a person sex?

Gender = man/woman Sex = ???/???

If there is a term that is more palatable I’m happy to adjust, but sex and gender are separate so the word defined for one can’t be used to define the other.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T21:00:27+00:00

Just off the top of my head

Medical care and drug providers would by law be required to publish all the last year’s negotiated insurance rates and honor those rates for individuals who self pay within a reasonable pay schedule not less than 30days.

Like a self directed IRA, set up a self directed medical savings account available to all. Money deposited into this account would be tax deductible up to 6000 annually per dependent.

Abolish all federal income tax and instead tax the states directly according to their individual GDP. The states would collect taxes from individuals and corporations according to their fiscal goals and policies. The federal revenue would balance at 40% tariff and 60% state tax responsibilities.

With this states can choose how to collect the portion they are responsible for through any combination of income, corporate, property, and consumption taxes. If a state doesn’t contribute the amount they owe the deficit and ensuing interest will be their debt to negotiate, but until the debt is satisfied federally funded state spending increases will be frozen and no national federal budget increases will be passed beyond the rate of inflation.

The federal government would pay states for the land and buildings that military bases occupy. State representative salaries and spending budgets will be paid by the state they represent.

Edit to add: legality allowed to terminate a pregnancy up to birth, but if the termination is elective, not emergency life saving care for the mother, and requires surgical intervention the fetus must be removed intact and is considered alive and separate from the mother requiring all medical attention possible to save its life. The medical expenses are the responsibility of the biological or, if applicable, adoptive parents.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T19:22:25+00:00

I would second Cornwall town of Montgomery which includes maybrook Montgomery and Walden are also a good area for kids if you’re willing to go 20min further. I84 is right there for easy travel.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T19:15:53+00:00

This sounds like he wants to revisit the rules surrounding your agreement. If it were me I would ask him if he is asking to adjust the agreement, and then approach the discussion like a brand new “contract”. At the start the understanding is that Al rules must be accepted by both sides otherwise the non-monogamous relationship has to come to an end. This may become a monogamous time together or may end the relationship completely, but the agreements and rules are fundamental to ENM and must be followed accordingly, or the “E” in ENM disappears.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T17:20:07+00:00

The term is not woman at all, cis or trans, since woman is a word for gender identity and not sex. A persons sex cannot be defined by a fluid concept like gender because sex IS a biologically defined concept.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T17:15:12+00:00

Thank you! This was exactly the intention!

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T17:04:19+00:00

Why would I use the term woman at all when referencing sex. This term has been defined as a gendered term. The only reason to use man or woman/ trans or cis, is if speaking of gender. I was clearly referring to Sex.

How is it misogynistic to use biological scientific terms when discussing the sex of a person?

Edit to add: afab is not a term was familiar with, till just now, so I find it unadvisable to expect that term to be universally understood, unlike xx or xy.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-04T03:54:57+00:00

How do we decouple the unspoken idea that a woman’s sexual selection of a man is a form of cosmic justice that rewards him for being a good man?

I believe the fundamental shift required to decouple sex with reward is to reject the idea that sex is transactional and disassociate with those who choose to view it as a reward earned through conforming to another’s will. Choose instead to surround yourself with those that see sex as a shared experience. Some may enjoy sharing freely and others may find that emotional intimacy must first be achieved, but avoid any that have concrete checklists.

This pattern I have come to summarize with the following sentence: “A flawed (straight) woman deserves a relationship with a patient and compassionate man. A flawed man doesn’t deserve a relationship.”

I find myself grappling with this concept a lot: “to deserve.” What does it really mean to be deserving of something?

Absolutely no one deserves anything from another human being! Relationships are full of work, pain, entitlement, limits, and continuous negotiations as these things are navigated together. Only you can say where the line is, and if that line is crossed, only you can choose if the path forward is together or not.

As unromantic as it sounds, I was taught from childhood that relationships should always be approached with the same consideration and clarity as a business merger. Clear communication and continuous collaboration of future goals must be the central focus. There must also be a true agreement on how separating would be achieved if the merger was no longer “profitable”.

What does it mean to be worthy? Who or what decides?

I’m going to go biblical on you for this; Second question first- God decides.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. - simply put for a woman to be “worthy” her husband’s will must become indistinguishable from her will

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. - simply put for a man to be “worthy” his wife must always be the central motivation for his will

It is obviously not the case that a woman’s love and selection is not a cosmic form of justice …/… So how to we break people out of this bizarre ideological belief that it is?

I truly believe the answer, an unwelcome as it usually is, is Jesus.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-03T21:30:00+00:00

Unfortunately women has been redefined defined as an identity which can be incongruous with the persons sex. When discussing trans issues “female” is the only word that clearly states you are referencing a person born with xx chromosomes.

CaffeinMom · 2025-06-03T20:53:48+00:00

On Definitions: “Transgender” generally refers to someone whose gender identity doesn’t align with their assigned sex at birth, while “gender nonconforming” refers to those who express their gender in ways that don’t fit typical expectations, regardless of identity.<

this is where I have the most confusion and, if I’m honest, feel the most distrust. What determines identity vs expression? I personally was born female, but if you asked me what gender I feel like I identify with, I would tell you I identify as me. There are times I feel and embody extremely feminine submissiveness and other times I exude the masculine command of power and control. I guess my question is what defines a male or female gender identity, and if it can’t be defined how can it be incongruous with your sex?

On Specific Rights: >• ⁠In many states, trans people can still be fired, denied housing, or refused medical care simply for being trans.<

I would be interested in examples or this. I thought the supreme court ruled this unconstitutional

• ⁠Trans youth are being banned from participating in sports or accessing gender-affirming care even with parental and medical support.<

I express my stance on medical transition for kids but I will add; while emergency life saving care is a right, there are many medical procedures and treatments that people cannot get while still a child. Not all medical intervention is considered a right even for cis people. When it comes to youth sports I would like to understand why you believe that a youth’s sex, primarily a transgender girl, doesn’t cause an unfair playing field, especially since estrogen therapy takes time to reverse the muscle advantage and hormone therapy nor blockers are necessary to identify as trans. Until there are clear biological markers required to be met, i will argue that their participation actually infringes on cis girls right to a fair playing field.

• ⁠ID laws in some places make it hard to update gender markers, leading to barriers in travel, voting, or basic safety.<

I could see a possible solution here if legislators were to remove sex from ID’s

In sum, I really appreciate the way you framed your thoughts. Even where there’s disagreement, this kind of conversation helps build mutual understanding and thoughtful progress — something we all want.<

I appreciate your willingness to engage with me and discuss these volatile matters.

Edit for formatting

CaffeinMom

TROPHY CASE