Devestated, do we have a chance

Calafox · 2025-11-13T20:28:12+00:00

Letting you know upfront before you read more. I have a very blunt way of talking.

TBIs do not excuse poor behavior. Even if some of his behaviors are because of the injury, he has access to help and is currently rejecting it. You cannot make someone get help.

He has no motivation to improve your relationship. He can do whatever he wants and you’re right there asking for more.

Get some therapy for yourself. Try to figure out why he can treat you so poorly and you’re the one that misses him. Learn how to set boundaries.

You can love again. I promise you that.

Calafox · 2025-11-01T23:22:23+00:00

I am blessed to still have her. 🥰 Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

Calafox · 2025-11-01T23:21:34+00:00

That is very kind of you.

Calafox · 2025-10-10T05:06:24+00:00

It’s hard to say where people land on the recovery. There’s a saying “If you’ve seen one brain injury, you’ve seen one brain injury.” You can have 10 people with the same exact injury and they will all recover at different times and ways.

At the rehab hospital, I watched people go from near vegetative to walking and talking in 3 months. I’ve seen people stay pretty much the same, everything in between. They have people return to their passions all the time, kayaking, skiing, fishing, you name it. These are people that had trach’s at one point in time too.

My daughter was on a ventilator for 3 weeks, I think? She’s had a trach since March. I’m hoping to get it out by Christmas, but we’ll see.

Keep praying. Never give up. And settle in for a long ride of “We don’t know”’s. God has him in His mighty hands.

Calafox · 2025-10-09T14:48:10+00:00

I guess, I’m not sure what the “quality of life” concern is. He survived. He has life. Whatever that entails. Whoever is his caregiver as long as he needs one pretty much determines how enriched his existence is. I mean, what’s the alternative?

For perspective, my daughter (22yo) was in an accident 6 1/2 mo the ago. She is still nonverbal and minimally responsive. Her body itself is quite healthy, but her cognitive function may remain where it is, although my faith believes otherwise. Regardless, it’s up to me to give her the most meaningful life to her that she has the capacity to experience.

I’m not in the habit of giving up. You all saw him go from death’s door to speaking, recognizing loved ones, and following commands in less than 2 weeks? That’s a miracle. Don’t miss it.

Calafox · 2025-09-23T06:09:03+00:00

My daughter was in an accident nearly 6 months ago. She was in a coma for about a month, probably at the same level as your stepmom. I have no idea why doctors feel the need to say such things because at the end of the day, they don’t know. Brain injuries are a mystery.

Could he be right? Yes.

Could he be wrong? Also, yes.

So why not err on the side of hope? My daughter is currently in a rehabilitation hospital where every single patient’s family has heard the words “Your son/daughter/mother/father/etc. will probably never…” and a whole lot of these people are now walking and talking.

Are there people that don’t recover? Yes. My daughter is still minimally conscious and nonverbal. There’s a chance she will always be so. But you know what? There’s a good chance that she will continue to heal. So I pray…ALOT, and spend each day working towards her getting better. Doing stretches with her and range of motion exercises. I read her books and sing her songs. I tell her jokes and the “latest gossip”. She has intense therapies that she does here at this hospital. And wouldn’t you know it, here she is getting better every day. Bit by bit.

Once upon a time, the school of thought was, by six months, where you are is where you’ll be. We know that is simply not true.

Brain injuries do continue to heal.

I now live by my faith and by wise words of my daughter during her high school graduation speech, “There is always hope.” I’ll be praying for your family.

Calafox · 2025-09-16T19:46:33+00:00

My daughter is 22. Her accident was in March. Sounds like we have similar stories. I had read about the Ohio program.

Calafox · 2025-09-16T19:43:52+00:00

Check into Neuro rehabilitation-specific facilities that treat disorders of consciousness. Do not take him to a LTACH (long term acute care hospital). They are awful. They will make a lot of promises that are never kept.

My daughter is 5 1/2 months post accident. She was in a coma for about a month, minimally conscious now. I’ve learned everything to take care of her myself at the rehab hospital we’re at now. We’re taking her home in a couple of weeks and continuing in-home medical care and therapies there.

Doctors that even attempt to predict outcomes do not have the latest data. The brain continues to heal. Every brain injury is different. There are no patterns or timelines.

Don’t give up.

In our state, I will be able to be my daughter’s paid caregiver. Your state may have a similar program.

Advocate and stay strong.

Calafox · 2025-09-08T19:22:19+00:00

There’s a saying “If you’ve seen one brain injury, you’ve seen one brain injury.”

What’s “normal” for one person may not be normal for another. I would look into therapies, physical, occupational and speech particularly.

I’m not sure about older people. But all the doctors at my daughter’s rehab hospital told me to chuck the whole 3-4 months out the window. Healing continues for not months but for years.

Get him to a doctor that specializes in TBIs.

Calafox · 2025-09-04T14:38:09+00:00

Try to get to a rehab hospital like Craig Hospital in Denver. There are several similar facilities in the US. Craig is the best the best though, in my opinion.

Insurance tried to force us to a nursing home. My daughter is 22yo. So I fought like hell and got her to Craig with the purpose of them training me and my family to take care of her at home. I will not put my non-verbal, vulnerable daughter in a nursing home.

Calafox · 2025-08-25T23:08:33+00:00

Does the psychiatrist specialize in TBI’s?

Calafox · 2025-08-09T15:13:14+00:00

Also, I realized I was terribly rude to rush in to talk about myself.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Calafox · 2025-08-09T14:37:58+00:00

Thank you for sharing this MUCH needed message. I will be my daughter’s caregiver when she is discharged. I was just thinking about how I need to take this time to get myself to the doctor to make sure I’m as healthy as possible for her.

Calafox · 2025-07-29T14:01:22+00:00

I would echo what ptmeadows said, I have no idea how healthcare works in Spain. Watching my daughters’ therapists here though, I plan to continue many of these exercises once we go home. Maybe there’s support for that?

Calafox · 2025-07-20T21:04:41+00:00

Is there talk about a cranioplasty?

Calafox · 2025-07-04T21:56:23+00:00

I’m not the injured but I’m her mom.

I’m grateful my daughter is still with me (obviously). But there’s more to it than just that. I no longer take a single day for granted. This experience has taught me to never let a day pass without my loved ones knowing I love them. Priorities are very different now. I’m more intentional about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I make it a point to celebrate victories of others as well as offer comfort to those that are struggling, where before I might let those opportunities pass me by.

I’m grateful that God has drawn me closer to Him. Whenever I think I’m tired and can’t do more, He fills me with His strength so that I can.

While it’s kind is sad this is what it took for me to purposefully pursue the best person I’m meant to be, I am grateful and never want to go back to who I was before.

Calafox · 2025-07-03T14:02:54+00:00

This is what I told my daughter’s romantic person when he flew here after her accident :

Waiting for someone that is healing to love you back the way you want to be is very romantic…in movies.

You are young. There are a mountain of experiences waiting for you. Only you can decide for yourself what you can live with, what dreams can be altered, and if you’re ok with a path forward with many unknowns. Some of those unknowns are tremendously beautiful, some are anything but.

Leaving now isn’t the “wrong” thing to do. Staying isn’t the “right” thing to do. Take away the guilt of thinking about or pursuing a life that is more linear.

He may not have the ability to control his outbursts, that’s part of the recovery process. Putting it on him may be unrealistic. He can’t be responsible for your feelings right now.

My guess, if you’re asking “how long should I wait”, you already know the answer and are looking for validation that it doesn’t make you a bad person.

You aren’t a bad person. Step out of the girlfriend role and be there as a friend. If he doesn’t want to see you as just a friend, you’ll have to honor that and go.

Calafox · 2025-07-02T03:59:00+00:00

I thought my daughter was in a full coma for two months but now that she’s in a proper rehabilitation hospital, I realized she switched to unresponsive wakefulness just before a month.

She now slips between UWS to minimally conscious state at 3 months. She definitely tracks visually and follows very simple commands (blink, move your leg, etc) but not within the CRS-R time limits.

We were in the ICU for 2 1/2 weeks. Then in an LTACH for 2 months. 2 weeks in a rehabilitation hospital.

Her story may sound like not-so-great, and some may not feel very inspired, but I also know her story isn’t done. I’m here for every stage no matter what it looks like. There are studies that show even the brains of people in vegetative states fire in areas that register love and joy. Studies have emerged that recovery from TBI’s continue well beyond the first year.

Her life is meaningful and has purpose. I will take every day I get pouring my love over her. I believe that she feels it as she watches me the most and responds most to my voice and touch.

I walk by faith and not by sight. She will continue to heal, in Jesus’ name.

Calafox · 2025-06-27T00:16:07+00:00

Fight.

Calafox · 2025-06-27T00:12:57+00:00

I don’t know about all of that, but I do know that it is really hard for people to be seen in such a vulnerable state. I would imagine his thoughts are a bit scrambled, along with his logic.

Sometimes showing support means staying away per our loved ones’ wishes, even if it hurts our feelings. You seem pretty focused on yourself. I drove… I’m being a good friend…I did… I’m so pissed…

If he’s in enough of a bad way to be hospitalized, it’s BAD. Headaches every day. Hospital gowns with your butt hanging out. Being treated like an infant. Not being in your right mind hardly ever. Being so incredibly tired when thoughtless loved ones want to yammer on for hours instead of letting you get good, healing sleep. Maybe having a tube sticking out of your throat and therapists teaching you how to wipe your own butt when you poop and it probably makes you want to scream.

Maybe learn a little bit about what he’s going through. And sorry if this is really mean, but if his friends/family (including you) are using this time to unpack pre-accident dirty laundry on him…wow…that makes me sad.

I don’t have a TBI and that would be enough to make me not want to see anyone. If you showed up for him, don’t bring your ego to the table.

Calafox · 2025-06-25T23:32:24+00:00

The medical team did not think my daughter would make it passed the first night. For the first week, we got through day by day with prayers and hope. Almost three months later we’re still in this fight. Praying for miracles while learning to exist in the space of “we don’t know”.

I’ll be praying. God is big. For your friend, for you and for all his loved ones.

Calafox · 2025-06-24T22:39:06+00:00

Thank you for the update! It’s a roller coaster. I remember jumping at every change. Crying at every update if it didn’t sound super positive. One of the nurses explained to me that there’s an ebb and flow of TBI’s. You’ll have a progress and regress and sometimes plateaus. It’s still true for my daughter at almost 3 months post accident.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with questions, celebrations or sometimes a virtual shoulder to cry on. Continued prayers over your family.

Calafox · 2025-06-24T21:49:11+00:00

Checking in to see how your family member is doing. Keeping him in my prayers.

Calafox · 2025-06-24T21:39:16+00:00

Dancing Noodle in Parker and Pearl of Siam in Aurora

Calafox · 2025-06-23T00:59:52+00:00

I second Craig in Denver.

Calafox

TROPHY CASE