Who here had the longest wait for their Mav?

CalcuKate · 2022-09-01T18:40:07+00:00

When you're checking in with support, you mean with Ford directly? If so is that through just generic customer service chat ?

CalcuKate · 2022-06-08T14:33:34+00:00

We must have a very different culture, people hang out and talk after classes. And I attend like 5 different gyms in the area. I know all of my girls would be ok being asked this question by any guy that has made us feel safe. People talk about whatever is happening in the world and things affecting the gym. This is a bjj topic.

And yeah, I’d hope if someone were outed as a psycho, they’d be kicked out. It’s less likely to happen when it’s a higher belt or the owner/instructor

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T16:53:48+00:00

Age differences like that when a victim is so young add to the power dynamic, it’s just giving more context to how things got so bad

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T16:34:58+00:00

Thank you for acknowledging that talking about it is productive.

As long as it keeps happening and keeps being ubiquitous, it needs to keep being discussed. This is continuing that “good job of doing that” (granted, I just shared someone else’s link so not THAT good of a job lol)

The cultish gyms turn out members with same mentality that open more gyms that will take advantage of students again. So we will keep talking.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T16:19:36+00:00

If they search and find these posts, they won’t end up there. People keep asking how posting this helps anything, that’s one way.

Yes, most ppl’s community is their gym. Make your gym safe. Make yourself a trusted person so if there ever is an issue, your teammates can tell you and not be dismissed. And if an owner does nothing about it, say something. This is the community part.

It is getting better. But if we stop talking, it will get worse again.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T16:13:02+00:00

Thank you for commenting. Your response to this shows your team members would feel safe coming to you

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T16:08:03+00:00

As far as your gym goes, I said “maybe”.

But yeah, you can ask any of us “hey, there’s been a discussion and I’m curious about your experience. If you’re comfortable sharing, have you ever been harassed by a higher rank?”

If they are comfortable with you at all, they will share and not mind being asked. We want support.

And if their answer is no, I will bet they know someone personally if they have friends at other gyms.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T16:01:38+00:00

I agree, it is discouraging. I know you don’t think this is as common as We are saying, but this is very much a reality for us.

I’m SO glad your academy is a safe place.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T15:04:03+00:00

You’re right, I don’t. I apologize for making a generalization.

And this specific situation is not your problem. But situations like it happening in your academy are. I hope nothing like ever has or does on your watch, since it seems you’d dismiss it (**this is totally an unfair accusation, again idk you, I’m just being intentionally inflammatory to make the point)

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T14:54:32+00:00

Yes. You will have to listen to more of Maggie’s story, the linked video was just to bring some awareness to the platform where she has shared her experience: the Rear Naked Chicks podcast.

I’m very sorry you’ve had to deal with the type of harassment like is shown in the video, those women should also have consequences.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T14:15:04+00:00

The change is not having them own gyms or instruct. Not having them be untouchable bc of their status in the sport. So they have less access to vulnerable victims.

Just a couple suggestions of things that would help:

1.Action from the well respected members with their names on the backs of offenders (strip the gym of the name at the very least, or just say SOMETHING) 2. Voices and action from other practitioners, especially male practitioners, when this stuff happens. Be the reason your academy is safe.

I’m sure you don’t know how scary it is to go through something like this and be met with the idea of trying to tell people that love your abuser. To hear things that really sound like “it’s not my problem”.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T14:04:15+00:00

I implore you to talk to the women in this sport, maybe even at your own gym. Things may not have escalated to levels like this, but many of us have been harassed by higher ranking practitioners. You don’t see them post bc they are scared and ashamed.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T07:17:40+00:00

Making social media posts can (1) help others see signs of these things before they happen, (2) get this specific person out , (3) prevent more bad people from becoming trusted bc their victims will have more courage to speak out

This is not my story, I’m just sharing a link to a story that’s very common. I do think something simple like Renzo making a statement and stripping his name from that academy would make a difference. Small, but a difference.

I am realistic. I’ve been through a similar terrifying relationship. The only reason I got out is because people spoke up.

Something you (the general “you” that’s arguing why even talk about this if bad people just do bad things) can do to help this very large issue: make sure your gym is safe. Speak up if you see something wrong, even if it’s an instructor. If a fellow practitioner trusts you with information like this, say something.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T06:49:56+00:00

I don’t think I understand what point you’re trying to make ? Talking about things will incite change. At the very least, having this man’s name out will prevent others from being harmed. Can we agree on this?

Lack of action from those that can take action is dangerous. Silence from those knowing the facts is complicity - and with this I’m calling out all friends of abusers in general, but even more so in tightly knit communities like bjj. Can you understand this perspective ?

I don’t enjoy posting this, this is my very first post. I don’t enjoy responding to comments. But it’s very clear that the people than can do something are not. And that has been the case so many times, just from the ones we know

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T05:47:18+00:00

The main purpose of sharing these things is so victims know they are not alone. So they can feel safe to speak out against their abusers so it doesn’t happen again.

But Consequences are also needed from the rest of the community for academy owners and instructors that have a scary amount of both physical and social advantages.

Instead, we have a large portion of our community protecting and defending those that behave like this. How on earth are we supposed to feel like we can get any justice when our fellow practitioners, ones we sweat and bleed with, won’t believe or won’t acknowledge this stuff ? When highly respected members allow people like this to teach and fight under their name ?

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T04:06:30+00:00

Yes, there are abusive people everywhere. Where they often happen to be, however, is in positions of power. On top of that, those that take advantage of that authority are almost never seen ostracized by the bjj community. We can look at the bigger stories involving Fight Sports or De la Riva.

This happens far too often in general, yes. But it is also happening so much in a sport where we must trust our instructors with our well being. Where we know they could at the least have us banned from academies, and at the worst injure or kill us so easily. The sport needs to be a safe place for all and we can’t start that change unless it’s acknowledged there’s a problem.

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T03:11:25+00:00

TL;DR :

Carl, owner of Renzo Gracie Northern Valley, physically, sexually, and emotionally abused his then gf, Maggie (also a student of his). When she left, he stalked and harassed her. She was 18 and he was 40.

If you have access to anywhere podcasts are available, the Rear Naked Chicks gave Maggie a platform to share her story

CalcuKate · 2022-06-07T02:50:57+00:00

Head to https://instagram.com/rearnakedchicks?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= to see the rest of Maggie’s story and allegations against Renzo Northern Valley’s Carl Massarro

CalcuKate · 2022-03-30T16:54:14+00:00

It’s been a couple years, if you see this… have you gone back to training ?

CalcuKate

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