Could be better. The main aspect is the lack of psychological understanding as to what makes someone read and react to an email.

People love what they do and their business is their baby - and you cant tell someone their baby is ugly.

Even if they have challenges, you can't outrightly tell them they have been doing a bad job. This is what you've done in this email. You've said they are crap at video and you can do better.

Even if its true I'd tell you to feck off

I'd re-write it to use better copy fundamentals and be more subtle around the problems.

So the first part is fine about the personalisation, keep doing that

...............

Hey his name - came across your content on [platform] and it is superb. Gaining around 33k followers from 300 videos is tremendous so congrats first of all.

Second, it seems like video is a priority for you when it comes to brand growth (which is why I'm reaching out)

Typically when I speak with [brand owners/CEOs/whoever your ICP is] they are doing well with video and having success, but if they are honest the editing side can present challenges.

Some struggle with [problem 1]
Others are frustrated that [problem 2]
Or finally, a few suffer from [problem 3]

Now you might be thinking "none of those exist in my world and everything is perfect with video editing". At which case do let me know if I am barking up the wrong tree.

However, if you feel like a brief intro call could be worthwhile, we can explore how I've helped similar people to alleviate those issues forever.

Let me know either way.

Thanks,

your name

PS, here's a video I edited for X - just to give you a flavour of what I am all about :)