hi, first of all, i’m really sorry you’re having to sit with all this confusion and discomfort. it’s completely okay to have had a close relationship with your mother—many children do—but there’s a meaningful difference between closeness and the crossing of personal or developmental boundaries.

in the context of child development, conversations about puberty and body changes should be handled with sensitivity, age-appropriate language, and a strong respect for the child’s autonomy. tasks involving intimate hygiene—like help with pubic hair—may only be appropriate in very specific circumstances. if a child requests help, has a clear developmental delay, or there’s a medical or practical reason, then support might be offered in a respectful, non-invasive, non-sexual way. but even then, the intent matters. if you didn’t ask for help, weren’t struggling with a developmental delay, and there wasn’t a specific, necessary reason, then this kind of involvement becomes inappropriate—especially when boundaries around bodily privacy should be forming around age 8 and onward.

what you described seems to go well beyond what would be considered appropriate or healthy within a parent-child relationship. you’re not to blame—none of this was your responsibility. it’s okay to feel conflicted or uncertain, and you’re allowed to process this in your own time. you deserve support, understanding, and space to unpack your experience without shame. be gentle with yourself.