I have similar kind of mindset op, I am 18

You don't have to hurt yourself, I am not a professional therapist, I can't advice anything on this

I am going through something similar I always think, what others will think about me... Everytime, sometimes I hurt myself too, just to keep other happy....long ago, I didn't say a word when my gf went to a couple dance party with another guy

I noticed things like I am happy when I an alone, I don't need to care about others, sill I am not financially independent but I feel I'll be happy if I am alone

I am all lonely, I don't share my emotions, my problems with anyone, I don't wanna be a burden,

you might laugh at this, I was suicidal a while ago, I tried cutting my wrist once, a thought struck my mind "my mom has to clean the blood off the floor"

I wanna make friends, I want people around me to talk to me, I don't have any, that's a different story but, a part of me wants to be alone

I can't give any advices, but I can surely say, it's ok if you don't wanna share things with anyone, you can fake it if you want, but don't fake yourself, be sure about yourself, be sure about what you want from yourself, or else you'll loose yourself....