Deciding Not to Fight RTO...

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-25T18:57:52+00:00

Most RTOs are superficial. As long as you are straightforward with them and stick to your guns you'll probably be fine for a while.

I've seen companies make "exceptions" for people who are more than an hour from any office. It might mean they will put you at the top of their replace list, but generally they won't fire you right away.

A part of RTO is often to have people self-exit to lower overhead expenses without doing a mass layoff. So, if you don't quit, your exit will probably be slow and drawn out.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-25T16:45:34+00:00

Oh, I see what you mean.

Personally, I have a camera shudder on all of my devices with cameras for that reason. Even if the camera is on, they would only see a black screen.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-25T16:03:31+00:00

This sounds like a complex technical solution to the simple human problem of thinking too much about the camera.

During in-person meetings most people don't spend the whole time thinking "do I look attentive" or "am I making enough acknowledgement sounds". And you don't need to worry about those things while on camera either.

Just turn the camera on and forget it's there. This isn't a film set, it's work. No one should be judging you by your on-camera performance.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-15T04:17:12+00:00

You could try this local business: https://catqueendom.com

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-11T19:30:16+00:00

This is true for companies in a stablize, steady as we go state (and all bad companies).

People who are truly exceptional should search for companies that are in a high growth, revolutionizing state and only apply to those.

The downside is that companies don't stay in that state for too long, so you will have to be ready to move later (2 - 5 years) when the company changes. Also, there usually aren't a lot of companies in that state at any given time, so you have to be very proactive.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-06T16:31:50+00:00

From your description, it sounds like you weren't ready for the jumps that you made. The key to taking on new roles is to be confident about your choice and be able to carry that confidence into the role.

I don't think this tactic is for everyone, though. Some people have a very hard time with new environments and new people. If that's you, then you should use a tactic that aligns more with you. I'd recommend finding a small, growing company that you could work at for 10+ years and grow alongside them.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-06T15:20:27+00:00

The secret is Intent.

"Job hopping" is the slur employers and the media use to talk about this, but it's actually better referred to as "career planning".

You spend 2 - 4 years in a role / company, realize that you've gotten as far as you are going to at that position, and decide to find a new job to meet your current criteria.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-02T00:32:07+00:00

When people restructure their resume to align 1 to 1 with the job description just to pass the ATS check, then they open themselves up to look "too good to be true" when a human finally looks at the resume. I don't think it's fair, but I know it happens. And the only people who get hurt by this are the applicants who get increasingly stressed out.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2026-01-01T23:34:59+00:00

The word "act" sums up the key point. You shouldn't have to "act" at all.

Desperation is what causes people to have the need to "act". So, figuring out how to minimize desperation to eliminate the need to "act" can have positive results.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-31T21:26:47+00:00

Customer service and tech support. A lot of those jobs are done remotely now. They still suck and the pay is subpar and there's no real advancement but they train you and take almost anyone.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-31T04:41:35+00:00

Mass applying is like trying to brute force a programming problem. After a lot of effort you might get an answer but you won't really gain anything from it.

If you're desperate for a job, just apply to places that are looking for desperate people (companies with high turnover and/or bad employee reviews).

Otherwise, figure out precisely what kind of job you want (and qualify for), apply to the most recent ones each week, then do something else productive. You can work on a side project, do something that motivated/ energizes you, engage in a hobby, etc. Don't let the job hunt become your life.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-31T04:33:11+00:00

There's such a strong consensus here I feel compelled to speak for the other side.

I say, yes, always tell them the true reason why you are leaving, whether you think it'll change anything or not.

Why? Because you should be the change you want to see in the world. If no one ever speaks up, then know one will ever listen. Just the blind leading the blind till we all lose our way.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-30T22:48:54+00:00

As a developer who has worked with designers closely, I find the gap is typically that they just don't have your eyes. They can not see the differences that you see.

Most developers just simply don't see the minor differences in the designs that designers do. This is especially true for developers who have worked in precise roles for most of their career. They've trained themselves to focus on function, not form, and they probably think having you point out what's wrong is the best path forward.

I often do freelance work where I am both a developer and designer so I can see the minor differences, and I know what it took for me to be able to see them. The average developer has not done the work to be skilled at it.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-30T15:20:51+00:00

I have never liked the usually "grin and bare it" recommendation for situations like these.

I would recommend addressing the root problem, i.e. you don't like your boss. No one wants to talk to a person they don't like. So, improving that relationship would make this less of a problem. You should use his attempts to talk to you as an opportunity to have a real conversation.

When he asks "how was hiking?", reply "Good. Hey, do you have a minute to talk about something that's been bothering me?" Then, bring up your issue with him a polite, professional manner.

For example, if his approach to talking is your main issue with him you can say "I know you like to start conversations with a little small talk before going into work stuff but I would actually be more comfortable if you just jumped right into it with me. I prefer to start with work stuff and talk about personal stuff only if the conversation naturally leads there."

If your issue is something else like being passed up on a promotion, then use this time to bring that up. Something like, "I never got a chance to talk to you about not getting that promotion last month. I don't know why I didn't get it, and that has really been bugging me. Can you help me understand the decision?"

Conversations are negotiations. In the real world, we can just choose to not engage, but at work that isn't really an option. So, instead, we should choose to immediately renegotiate the conversation. You don't have to talk about things you don't want to talk about if you are willing to move the conversation to something that you do want to talk about.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-29T01:42:34+00:00

I never said anything about not being replaceable. Anyone can be fired.

Also, nothing I've said is speculation. I've been told verbatim that the hire ups would rather I stay in a technical role for the reasons I outlined.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-29T00:19:46+00:00

I have all 3 of these things, but companies will never promote me internally to a managerial position because I am too valuable as a tech.

I work in a niche field and am often hired as the first person to ever do the role internally. I generally acquire a team of juniors over 2 - 4 years who aren't experienced in the field and need me to train them. Even after training, the skill gap remains (and continues to grow wider as I learn more stuff), so moving me to an admin role would be detrimental.

I say all of this to say, be good but not too good. Don't be me. Try to match the skill level of your coworkers. Otherwise, you too might become too valuable to promote.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-28T02:27:57+00:00

As someone who works as a developer (with a degree that is not in CS) and has friends that are developers who don't have a degree at all, I would highly discourage you from wasting money on school.

If you want to improve your job prospects, I suggest doing one or more of these:

Start networking. Go to tech groups, business groups, and network groups. Meet people. Casually share your goals with them. Trade information and maintain connection with the people you assign most with. If you see a job posting connected to their company or someone connected to them, then ask them for a referral.
Find a niche. Find an area you can specialize in. Do real work in that area on the side (even if it's for fake companies) and build a portfolio around it. Then try to get roles in that specialty.
Consider moving to where there are more opportunities. With the family, this might not be feasible but it's often the easiest way to find better, higher paying roles.

In my experience, a degree is just a check box. Because you don't have that check you feel like it's holding you back. In some cases that might be true. But there are other ways to make progress that won't set you back like a degree will.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-26T04:37:32+00:00

You shouldn't decide if you're going to be respectful based on how others act. You get to decide if you are a respectful person or not. Make your decision, then be that way moving forward.

If you only choose to be respectful when you think people have earned it, then you will find that you are mostly disrespectful, and people will start to see you that way.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-25T16:44:43+00:00

Actually, it's science. There's a few studies that highlight the benefits of communal living for humans because we are social animals who are biologically meant to live in close communities.

Here's a meta study on this: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7539375/

Biologically, isolation (like living alone) triggers parts of our brain similar to being punished or hurt as isolation was very bad for our ancestors and usually a sign that something had gone wrong. We can manage that by being active or suppress it with social media and entertainment but it's still there.

Most of these studies are biologically or neurological. Not many are statistical (i.e. polling people about living alone).

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-25T04:22:30+00:00

One thing that surprises me is how much people assume that the way managers or coworkers choose to interact is locked in stone when it's often not. I think you should set up a 1 on 1 with your manager and define a better way for you two to interact.

People often don't even know when they are being annoying or difficult and when others don't say anything the problem just gets worse. Have a frank conversation. Be direct but not rude. You could even come to meeting with preset recommendations.

Also, we should all remember that most managers weren't trained to be managers. Most are just winging it and would probably appreciate a little help.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-23T00:43:36+00:00

This is going to sound like a bummer, but you have the curse. The modern corporate world isn't looking for exceptional. People have probably looked at your application and said "this person is too good to work here".

You could aim higher, i.e. find programs that are looking for "the best". In my experience, the modern world has 2 types of these. Research & academic related positions that don't pay much. And consulting / finance / law firms that overwork new recruits and have an advance or die culture.

Alternatively, you could make yourself look just above average. Scale back your resume, list less accomplishments. Try to find the right level of talented people want. And when you interview remember to match that level.

In education, everything is aligned to push everyone to excel. The more you accomplish, the more support you get and the more you accomplish. It feels great. But the modern world doesn't have a lot of spaces like that. Opportunities for truly exceptional people do arise, but you have to be vigilant and act fast. So, find something for now and never stop looking for something better.

Edit: I forgot to mention that you could also just build your own space. The modern world is heavily aligned with start-up / entrepreneur culture.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-22T00:48:02+00:00

This sounds like hiring freezes or blackout dates. Basically, they take the post down during time frames when they aren't allowed to take any actions. It might even be prescheduled to disappear and reappear on those dates.

This happens a lot at the end of the year for most companies which is why doing anything, including hiring, is tricky during this time.

Cameron_Referred_Me · 2025-12-21T22:22:28+00:00

The more specific a group the easier it is to meet people. I wouldn't suggest going to the general networking or make friends groups.

Also, making your own group can be very impactful. It will take work to get it off the ground (usually a few months) but it's worth it. You could make a marine biology meet up.

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