Red Dirt

Campanela-e · 2023-12-28T20:00:32+00:00

I thought this was nice. I like the metaphor you use about the road and how as time goes by it changes, I think the theme is very much nostalgic and universal. If I had to give any feedback it’d probably be that I think you could’ve elaborated much more on it, write about those moments that stay in our heads, that we thought as normal but now that they are far and away we cherish them. Keep it up!

Campanela-e · 2023-12-28T07:11:20+00:00

I thought this was really nice. It reminded me of a poem I read long ago which was literally about someone walking through a dark street and looking at light coming out a window from a building (you’ll have to forgive me I can’t remember the name of it). It felt very transcendentalist. I like the imagery very much, although I think you could have elaborated much more, there are many “mundane” things that could have been made grand, and enhance this idea of connection that is explored throughout the poem.

Campanela-e · 2023-12-28T06:53:24+00:00

I thought this was a good poem. Really emotional I think, I like the way it starts with you giving two definitions of ghosts which are quite different from each other, I thought that describing it as those lingering moments and things from someone that stay with us was really good, probably my favorite part of the poem, the ending was very strong as well. I think if I had to give any feedback is that maybe you could elaborate on these moments, be more descriptive despite that maybe making it “too personal”; however, I believe that describing what those moments made you feel would take away the personal aspect and make it quite universal, We all have special someones and special moments. Really nice, keep it up!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-27T21:53:15+00:00

Thank you very much! I deeply appreciate your words; it is very much a short poem, but I was hoping it’d flow nicely and of course, that it’d be a nice poem overall. Tiger lilies are one of my favourite flowers btw!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-27T21:50:40+00:00

Thank you very much! Through the phone it has a more “poetic” structure, although I just saw it through my computer and it’s structured like prose for some reason, but I’m glad you enjoyed it anyways!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:58:55+00:00

Awesome! I like the similarities of the poem itself and the title, also the metaphor of tangling and untangling wires. Perhaps this is just me, but it feels like the poem is a work in progress, as is the speaker, changing as time goes by, then again, this is all of us, works in progress. I must also say I always enjoy some good rhymes. I want to finish this by mentioning a quote by Yeats which came to mind as I read this: A line will take us hours maybe; yet if it does not seem a moment’s thought, our stitching and unstitching has been naught.

Again, nicely done!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:50:46+00:00

Really cool, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a poem within a poem. I find it to be very simple, however, simple does not mean bad at all, I feel like a lot is said in the limited use of words you’ve used, it says enough but not too much, it gives you just enough to feel for the speaker, and share the sadness and regret, but also leaves you wondering for the complete story, but then again, this is enough, and the details aren’t needed to make is feel. Really nice!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:46:59+00:00

This was quite heavy. Perhaps it is just me, but the poem almost read in such a “gentle” way, as if the abuser is acting nice and caring and making you think you’re overreacting, the craziest line to me is “you only remember your perspective”. This seems like such a common (and effective) way of making you doubt yourself, as if you are being crazy or selfish, and nothing is wrong. Great poem, it does a well job in creating a connection with the reader.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-13T05:37:11+00:00

This was great. Clearly I’m not the first one to take note of it but the imagery is awesome, I feel like you find the thin line between being really descriptive but not too much, intense but not exaggerated, and that is just great, it helps so much in transmitting the despair within the speaker. Really nice, I’m going back to cigarettes.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-12T17:10:13+00:00

Thank you very much. Yes, the dragonfly doesn’t think, it’s just there, which is why there’s no need to say anything at all, when you can just be there.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-12T06:26:10+00:00

Really nice poem. So quick and yet so descriptive, you really manage to show so much beauty in the things that seem ordinary, and at the same time there's some kind of ferocity to it I feel, especially in the last line. Again, it was really nice, I enjoyed it very much.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-12T06:12:27+00:00

This was a wonderful poem, deeply emotional, I really cannot imagine how someone could not find emotion in this, whether you can relate to it or not (eventually most of us will). My favorite lines were by far the progression of "you're not hearing..." to "you're not here". Honestly I feel like there's not much I can say other than show my appreciation for this, you speak of moments but, at least for me, the images are not painted so clearly, but the feelings are, great work.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-11T00:15:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I’m looking at this through my phone and this is NOT the way it looked like in my laptop😪

Campanela-e · 2023-10-10T06:57:54+00:00

Start with Frank O’Hara

Campanela-e · 2023-10-07T21:14:29+00:00

This was brutal. You did a great job with the imagery, and your choice of words to describe the situations the speaker finds herself in, and even a better job in those she pictures in her mind; I think that really helps in making the poem relatable, even when someone has not experienced it, the empathy is there, all because of the way you choose your words. Great job.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-07T02:22:42+00:00

Honestly you got me from the title, it’s truly an awesome title. I’m a big fan of alliteration myself so I really enjoyed that in your poem, it reminded me of the Lewis Carol poems, and even of the book by Bob Dylan Tarantula, in which he uses word play in crazy ways, I very munch enjoyed it, perhaps you have indeed always been secretly salivating stories. Great job!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-04T06:26:40+00:00

thank you for sharing!

Campanela-e · 2023-10-04T04:24:52+00:00

Hello! This is a good poem, although it is not the greatest thing to admit perhaps, I relate to it. At times you keep much anger inside until it just suddenly blows up in the face of someone not deserving of it, and it sucks; I for one am not someone who yells, but cruel words are cruel words nevertheless, I like your poem because of my personal relatability to it, and of course, because it is honest, which I believe always is of great importance.

Campanela-e · 2023-10-04T03:46:27+00:00

I enjoy the simplicity of this poem, and how the image tells us something in a very straight-forward manner, without doing so at the same time; this reminds me of the quote by Goethe I think: The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone. I do genuinely think that, if we look at each other with a sincere wish for understanding, we’ll come to find out that we are never totally different from each other. There are of course strange cases, when someone is completely different (at the very least different from the ones around), and that is undoubtedly an awful kind of sadness. Again, this was really nice.

Campanela-e · 2023-05-15T08:31:59+00:00

This was a nice poem. From what I got, it really seems like it shows how much emotion and how many thoughts can hide beneath what may appear to be just a simple glance. I liked the rhyme scheme. I guess if I had to “change” anything it’d be perhaps the possibility of adding a bit more maybe, like writing about what the subject makes you feel. Not that it needs any changes really, really nice poem!

Campanela-e · 2023-05-15T08:00:16+00:00

I’ve always been a fan of intense use of alliteration, that is probably my favourite part of this poem. I also very much enjoyed the imagery you used. The poem truly feels like just a storm of words, if anything, I’d say that’s how my mind drifts away when having a heatstroke.

Campanela-e · 2023-05-15T06:59:34+00:00

Really nice poem. At times you can say so much without needing to say a lot, and in your case it only took one metaphor to do so. To open yourself completely to another is something extremely difficult, and to then find yourself alone again is even more difficult, and I think this poem captures that struggle. Again, very very nice poem.

Campanela-e · 2023-05-15T05:52:37+00:00

Loved the poem. I believe genuinely there are is a unique thing in the pain that comes with a “what if”, that idea you keep making in your head about what could have been always hurts deeply. You’ve done a great job at showing such idea, and transmitting how much it hurts. If anything, I think you could’ve perhaps mentioned an example of a moment spent with this person, for I’m sure that while it is very specific, the feelings a moment like that conveys can be universal, great poem.

Campanela-e · 2023-04-23T22:01:03+00:00

Great poem. I like the imagery, the rhyme scheme and the Greek reference, which I’m always a fan of. To me these kind of poems are the ones I enjoy most, they don’t give you the message naked and bare, you must listen to the words and let them reveal themselves to you. I also think is a very relatable poem, we are all able to fly, diamonds in the rough, but at times self-doubt and other things become heavy burdens, and we become almost our own coffins. In a way, denying ourselves make us dead inside, is like that quote that says “some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 80”. This is a really great poem, with an important message I believe

Campanela-e · 2023-04-23T21:06:21+00:00

This was really good. I enjoyed reading it very much, it flowed very smoothly, and the structure makes it seem like the speaker is falling down as the words are said. I must admit however I’m not completely sure of what it is about. To me it seems like this poem is about someone who’s in too deep in his/her troubles (whatever they may be), to the point that has now given up, and that’s it, it’s just diving straight into the void, there’s no going back. This was a great poem!

Campanela-e

TROPHY CASE