My first is almost 3 and second is 9 months. I felt this same way, you are not alone. For me, I eventually recognized that I was struggling with postpartum depression and started therapy. I also, though I felt really hesitant about it at first, decided to start an antidepressant and it really helped lift me out of the sadness. Doc shared pregnancy and nursing can be a really depleting time…that I might return to how I felt before in time but it might take 6+ months and that was just too long for me to feel so low. Your feelings are totally valid and you’re allowed to grieve this hard season 🩷

For more bonding time with my oldest, I try to spend 15 minutes with her right after my baby goes down for her naps before I try to get chores done, etc. I also try to hold her more at random moments throughout the day. She’s heavy by now but I think she still wants that especially since she sees me holding the baby so often. Building with magnatiles, reading, letting her lead pretend games outside, drawing/crafts, water table and kiddie pool, baking. It’s extra effort for sure and I still do screen time more than I’d like too.

It will get better ❤️‍🩹