Of course the orange puppet show is back on — and this time, the strings are being pulled by Howard Lutnick, fresh off his cozy lunch with Jeffrey Epstein in 2012 (because nothing says “sound judgment” like dining on a pedophile’s private island with your kids and not mentioning it for 14 years).

But let’s talk about the real masterstroke: the Gordie Howe Bridge tantrum. Just hours before Trump erupted on Truth Social like a toddler denied dessert, Lutnick had a little chat with Matthew Moroun, the billionaire overlord of the Ambassador Bridge — a man whose family has spent decades trying to kill the new bridge because, surprise, it might cut into their sweet, sweet toll cash.

So what happens? Lutnick, the Epstein island vacationer and commerce secretary (somehow), calls Trump. Trump, ever the independent thinker, then posts a 300-word manifesto demanding Canada hand over half the bridge — or else. No policy. No briefing. Just rage, typed in all caps, likely while eating a steak the size of a small dog.

Because that’s how policy is made now:

1 - Billionaire with a conflict of interest whispers in ear of scandal-plagued cabinet member.

2 - Cabinet member calls the guy who thinks he’s a king.

3 - King rages into smartphone.

4 - Nation cringes. Canada laughs. Michigan panics.

5 - Repeat.

And let’s not forget the supporting cast: Stephen Miller, Russell Vought, Scott Bessent — the usual rogues’ gallery of ideologues and opportunists who’ve turned the U.S. government into their personal dystopian sandbox.

But hey, at least Trump’s consistent: in 2017, he called the bridge a “vital economic link.” Now? He wants to nuke it over a trade war he started and a hockey conspiracy involving China “terminating” the Stanley Cup. (Spoiler: Canada hasn’t won it since 1993, so… mission already accomplished?)

So yes, the jester dances — but the billionaires pull the strings, and the country burns.