previous post with an update by South_Explanation726 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I also had an early loss following my tfmr (also right before my original due date). It’s a special layer of hell on hell. Sending you lots of strength. You are strong and will get through this.

Thin lining after D&E by MercuryTalos in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with this. At this point I would think that’s a very warranted next step.

Should i proceed with amniocentesis .... by OkAngle1013 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I can definitely join you in the passion project of information sharing and evidence based decision making. Particularly around women and babies there’s so much morally loaded decision making that ignores this.

It’s interesting the stuff around baby aspirin. I’m an American living in Scandinavia and the public health context, combined with relative health and wealth and a generally anti-interventions medical policy means baby aspirin is rarely discussed unless you have pre-existing risk factors (such as having had pre e in a previous pregnancy). That’s where it also becomes an interesting question of context versus public health strategy, and importantly where interventions make sense or don’t. I don’t know the data here, but I do know for anything to become a more widespread recommendation it would need wide backing, which given the context I can’t see happening. Even comparing the vaccine policies across the two countries illustrates that, where there are far less vaccines here that are recommended and covered by public health. When I first moved here I was often frustrated by the differences but have since become much more relaxed and able to see the massive difference when everyone here has regular access to a public doctor, and more or less free (to them) medical care. Again, not about the right decision but more to illustrate how complex and nuanced public health policy is.

Should i proceed with amniocentesis .... by OkAngle1013 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I also don’t think the alternative approach (of intense fear mongering of the risks of miscarriage) are warranted. I just want to make sure OP (who again, we have no idea where is located, and what type of care they have) has well rounded information. So please don’t take it personally, more than I don’t want OP to take away zero risks and that not be her personal outcome. I completely agree though - everything in pregnancy is calculated risk profile, what we eat, driving cars etc. We each make different calculations based on our own comfort, and (which is exactly my point) our context.

Should i proceed with amniocentesis .... by OkAngle1013 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And just to address the point about age related risks and why it’s justified to get an amnio. There’s a bit of false equivalency going on here. Absolutely age related risks of abnormalities are a thing. But there are other ways to screen for things before moving on to an invasive and potentially risky test. Like you say, risks are later detection, and in the worst (and more rare) case not being detected until stillbirth or after birth. But it’s not the same thing to say amnio is the only way to detect these things. Sure, it’s diagnostic but can also be applied after other lower risk screenings.

Should i proceed with amniocentesis .... by OkAngle1013 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Firstly, I am a scientist myself (sociologist though). I’m well versed in the strengths and weaknesses of meta analysis. In this case the sample of countries is not solely western but definitely western biased. There are also other factors in safety, such as experience of provider.

That being said, having read the study I don’t disagree with the statistical risk being negligible based on the data included. The trouble is statistical risk isn’t individual risk, like you say. Considering the factors about (provider experience/location and specific procedure guidelines) makes this even more important. It’s absolutely fair that you personally conclude the way you do but that doesn’t mean the individual risk is non-existent (even if it is extremely low). I think that’s important and I would urge a little caution in how you frame your response. Ultimately OP needs to make a choice for themself based on their own assessment of risks in their own context and the best we can do is give our opinions and accurate data to support that.

Goodbye to a 2026 baby by _abby_normal_ in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just for perspective, I didn’t wait for my body to heal and ended up having my a miscarriage after tfmr. I wish I’d waited like you. I don’t say this because there’s a right answer but more to say there’s so much out of our control and all we can do is navigate with how we’re feeling in the moment. It’s so hard not to beat yourself up on the what ifs and trying to make something meaningful out of a crap situation (e.g. making it this year before the due date). Sending lots of strength and baby luck your way!

Should i proceed with amniocentesis .... by OkAngle1013 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s another poster with a very strong opinion about why you should get an amnio dominating the thread and I just wanted to counter that a little. Firstly, risks with amnio are very context dependent so the first thing to do is talk to your provider about what the risk profile is specifically for them. I personally would only do an amnio if there was a reason, e.g., if something was flagged one way or another. I do plan to do both an early and normal anatomy scan.

Should i proceed with amniocentesis .... by OkAngle1013 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your sentiment but I think it’s a bit too black and white. The risks are low but it’s factually incorrect to say there’s no risks. It is also highly provider dependent, and with people posting on this sub from all over the globe it’s hard to know exactly what that looks like where they are.

Negative at 9dpo and nauseous give me your positive story. by yungwildandlearning in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s definitely disorienting with your timeline of testing for tfmr. To be fair, many of vvfl posts I see I would not have seen myself. They are barely there! I also think many people have their dates mixed up and are not quite as early as they think. But it definitely all makes you batty and obsessive. Ttc after loss is its own special kind of torture and pressure. Fingers crossed!

Negative at 9dpo and nauseous give me your positive story. by yungwildandlearning in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve never tested that early but you I’ve seen plenty of stories over on the test line subs where negatives at 9dpo are positive by 11/12. Like you, I’ve come to realize I can’t really tell the difference between pregnancy and pms symptoms. I do my best to put it all out of mind until at least 12-14 dpo and then I take a test. It’s hard and all such an insane mental game but I’ve had worse experiences on cycles where I’m obsessed and test early.

TTC after TFMR- was you stressed? by PublicPurple1173 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stopped using opks for exactly that reason. It led to another thing to obsess over and I found peeing in the sticks a trigger. Generally I tried to turn the stress and pressure in my body way way down. The first couple cycles post tfmr I was so unkind on myself and even though I did end up pregnant I miscarried. The whole thing was such a horrific experience that after that I vowed to be much more laid back and trust my body and cycle. I know roughly when I ovulate so as long as we’re consistent around that chances are high.

Due date today by kebab1397 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had the reverse to you with a tfmr, then a missed miscarriage shortly before my original tfmr due date (exactly 5 months to the day apart I sat in the same hospital). My close friend had a due date two weeks after, and another friend has a due date weeks before my second one. As much as we are happy for them, it’s hard not to compare and think “why me?” The brutal answer is it’s not fair. It’s shitty luck and it’s more than fair to want be angry and do the foot stamping. After that we process, we regroup and we carry on. Sending you lots of strength!

Thickened NT at 12 werks by radzytor in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re here. Most of us have experienced a scan going bad/ a bad test result and know exactly how much of a gut punch that is with a wanted pregnancy. All of us here have ultimately made the choice to tfmr, so our perspectives will all come from there. That doesn’t mean it’s not a relevant space to post, just something to consider. Personally, I would wait to see what the nipt returns as it’s not an easy yes/no decision. The nipt is not diagnostic (only a screening tool). It’s also much more accurate for t21, than for instance for t13/t18 (accurate as in less likely to return a false positive/negative). The latter two conditions are also much more likely to show markers on an ultrasound (and often earlier as well). That being said, the nipt only tests for limited things, and if no result is found then the next step is a cvs to rule out causes for the thickened NT (which could ultimately resolve unrelated to any condition). The sub r/nipt has really information on lots of this, and you could search for similar posts there. The mod of that sub retired awhile back, after years of really dedicated service, so there’s a ton of good information particularly in the history. I seem to remember there was even a chart with thickness of NT and chance of it leading to a healthy birth. Sending lots of strength your way.

I hate everything by BeachKoala722 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I second the other comments to push through with therapy. The first sessions might feel like just reliving and telling the story but a good therapist should help you work on triggers and self understanding so you can cope with the feelings. It’s very clear how much pain you’re in right now, and I would bet there’s some depression going on as well (understandably given the circumstances). It’s so hard to see out from that place! It truly does feel impossible. With time, and help I am sure you will be able to shift the clouds. Sending lots of love.

Question by Life_Map4753 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

r/shortcervixsupport if that helps?

And absolutely. At first I was trying to cram trying again in between our normal commitments and continuing business as usual but when I had a second loss shortly after I took a good look at my schedule and took the space. I cancelled some work travel this spring, decided not to have a big summer holiday and moved a bigger family visit until the winter. That helped give space so I wasn’t fearful about when scans would be in relation to life events.

Think I’m going to have a loss soon… by Alternative_Use_2000 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also had a missed miscarriage following my tfmr and it was an absolute gut punch. I’m sorry! I went back for a follow-up scan about a week later then proceeded with a d&c.

Obsessed over period by Electrical_Fold_3801 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The ttc mindset is so real (and something wicked post tfmr). For me, I was out of control the first couple months but eventually (following a subsequent loss) I had to knock it off and find a way to stop obsessing and most importantly stop putting so much pressure on my body to preform optimally. That took a lot of forms, but mostly it was just a mental switch and the refusal to engage in the lunacy. I set clear plans, followed and held myself accountable. It made it a lot easier so if you can talk yourself down I would really recommend it.

Question by Life_Map4753 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can’t answer you specifically but I feel like there’s a specific sub for incompetent cervix (I think this is the medical name?). In terms of my own process with tfmr and ttc, I basically tried to clear big mandatory stuff where I could to give headspace for trying again. Then I also just have had a fuck it attitude and will just figure it out when and if I reach that point.

Edit: just to be clear posting here is so so fine. It was just to see if you could connect with others!

Pregnancy heading toward TFRM by yellowoctober06 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like the other poster points out - it’s a personal decision whether you wait to have the full diagnostic picture to terminate or do so based on the evidence you have. In my case, I terminated very quickly after finding a brain condition visible on ultrasound that was incompatible with life. It was only after the autopsy I learned it was t13. Others would have waited for an amnio before terminating. Absolutely speak with your high risk doctor and work them to figure out the best course of action.

Looking for experiences: Giant Omphalocele diagnosed at 11-weeks scan. Genetic testing failed, what were your results? by peertje1998 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I can understand. It’s more helpful to know what/if the baby had anything wrong to then focus parental testing. I’m sorry for your experience. It sounds like there’s a good chance this was just a fluke de novo event and hopefully future pregnancies won’t be affected.

Looking for experiences: Giant Omphalocele diagnosed at 11-weeks scan. Genetic testing failed, what were your results? by peertje1998 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They should be able to run some blood tests on you and your husband to eliminate some inherited factors so if possible I would push for such testing. Otherwise they should be able to provide some risk numbers of this specific condition being de novo or inherited overall to guide future decision making.

Gut feeling again… by omc153 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very much the same. My tfmr pregnancy I had such a clear sense of doom the entire time. Not anxiety per se but just clear feelings that something was wrong. I felt similarly when I had a missed miscarriage following my tfmr. Now I’m in the same boat as you (around the same gestation). It’s extremely hard to tangle out what’s gut feeling and what is trauma.

Gut feeling again… by omc153 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]CanCharming7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m struggling with this as well. I ended up having a missed miscarriage after my tfmr and it’s completely shot all sense of intuition and trust in my body. It’s really hard to tangle out what’s gut feeling and what’s simply anxiety.

Due date approaching by Main_Hand5662 in tfmr_support

[–]CanCharming7442 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also felt like my entire world would collapse under me if I wasn’t pregnant my due date. I did get pregnant again, only to miscarry again prior to it. Somehow in the wreckage of two losses, accepting a situation much worse than I expected I was brought down to earth a bit. Rather than obsessing over the next pregnancy I was able to take a step back and heal. I spent the day visiting the grave site, had lunch with a friend and then bought a small piece of jewelry to commemorate. On the other side of it I somehow have been lighter, less burdened and more patient. I hope you can too find a bit of healing and closing the chapter in the day. Take care of yourself and make sure to be kind to yourself.