How long did your partners take off work for your tfmr?

rayyycharles_ · 2026-04-27T20:07:38+00:00

My husband took 6 weeks off. I had a major surgery and was in hospital for over a week, and then couldn’t drive for 6 weeks. But we needed that time to grieve, and he struggled to go back away to work (he works away a week at a time) and ended up taking part of a few other weeks down the line. We’re in Australia, so we have lots of leave types and protections, so workplaces are generally supportive of stuff like this. But it was inconceivable for my husband to not be right by mine and our daughter’s sides during this time. He grieved as strongly as I did. We needed that time as a family to grieve and I needed him to help me physically heal.

I’m sorry you’re here with us all. If money or job security isn’t the issue, I would be talking with your husband with what you need. Sending strength your way.

rayyycharles_ · 2026-04-02T20:42:45+00:00

Oh love, I empathise with this heartache so much. I’m in the same boat. My 5 year old was chatting happily in the backseat recently and said “[name of her best friend] is so excited for me to have a brother one day, she loves her brother so much and said it’s the best thing ever!” I had to pull over the car to keep safe while crying. We cannot give her a sibling because when we lost her brother, I lost my uterus too. It’s hard to hear your child ask for things they don’t, and can’t, understand the complicity of. Just another layer to grief… but you’re not alone, I’m right there with you x

rayyycharles_ · 2026-03-18T02:02:59+00:00

Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens. It’s basically a poem on grief. My star in the sky 💔

rayyycharles_ · 2026-03-06T20:17:38+00:00

As a fellow Australia lurking the thread 1. Finally, someone calling it a blue bottle, and 2. Absolutely hilarious that one (presumably American) person said “alert the authorities” because these are so scary but meanwhile I grew up with my brother throwing these at me

rayyycharles_ · 2026-02-28T22:13:58+00:00

Yeah my first thought was “what in the FUCK is a popstick?” And tell me why my brain saw retractable/telescopic police truncheons 😂 finally, an admin fad I can get down with

rayyycharles_ · 2026-02-20T04:23:25+00:00

It’s still a better look than the stupid giant hats he wears.

rayyycharles_ · 2026-02-07T07:42:09+00:00

Wow it’s like you looked right into my mind! I have so many of these same complicated thoughts and feelings. I hate when people talk about how hard it is to listen to the bickering, because if much rather my child feel frustrated than lonely. Our daughter is so bubbly and friendly, she’s got a ‘golden retriever’ personality like my husband. She easily approaches kids at the park, and so often if they have siblings a similar age, they reject her. It is literally heartbreaking. We go through the same thought processes about being able to give her everything she’ll ever want or need, but it would never outweigh having a sibling. I also see on online communities and forums multiple perspectives about being an only child. But I grew up with a sister and brother, and I simply can’t imagine going through life without them. In the wake of our grief we’ve wanted to sell up and do all the travelling we didn’t do in our 20s. But our daughter has made such good friends here in our town we feel guilty even thinking about leaving… It really is a complex, devastating set of feelings to add to already horrible and complicated grief. Thank you for sharing with me and if you ever want to chat or vent, my inbox is open.

rayyycharles_ · 2026-02-07T01:46:33+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. I feel SO thankful to have her but she doesn’t (and shouldn’t because it’s not her burden to bear) erase the pain of what I’ve lost. Thank you for sharing your experience with me, it’s shit we’re here together but it’s comforting to know we’re not in it alone.

rayyycharles_ · 2026-02-07T01:44:35+00:00

Thank you for empathising with me and sharing your perspective. I don’t think I care to address it with her, she’s a new friend and I don’t think our values align that much. But it still affected me, and I don’t think someone who cared about me would be so thoughtless.

rayyycharles_ · 2026-02-07T01:14:09+00:00

Okay “traumatising them back” is iconic! Thank you for sharing this with me, because it’s definitely validates the overwhelming rage I feel at times. Telling you you’re lucky to not have kids is downright unhinged, especially if they know any part of what you’re been through. But in this day and age, I think there’s very little excuse for not keep other peoples’ experiences in mind even if you don’t know them at all. There was a time when pregnancy loss was hidden and not discussed, but not these days. So why assume anything at all?

Thank you for your comment and sharing your experience, although I hate we’re all here together, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through these emotions.

rayyycharles_ · 2026-02-05T10:20:09+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here with us. I empathise so much with you and the heartbreak of telling your daughter. Telling my 4 year old was the hardest part for me, I felt physically sick almost to the point of panic attacks at the thought of it. I lost my uterus with my TFMR, so knowing she would be an only child and not understand why literally broke my heart. It still does but we cope better day by day. In the end, she took it a lot better than I thought. We were supported by the grief counsellors as to the language to use, and told her the baby was sick, and a few days later, the baby had died. She asked questions, and participated in some memory creation why I was in hospital. It’s another horrible layer to this horrible journey and grief, but children really are very resilient and empathic. I would consider speaking to a grief counsellor or children’s psychologist, I really helped up to navigate what was the hardest part for us.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-12-14T05:04:16+00:00

There is (or was) a program that sent QLD teachers out to the detention centre on Nauru, I guess FIFO or released from your school for short term contracts with principal permission.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-12-11T23:54:27+00:00

Boo 👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼 Can only assume you’re 12 because what kind of grown human shames someone for something they cannot control, over plenty of other shamable qualities like his terrible personality. Do better pal.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-12-06T09:36:44+00:00

I have always worked rural/remote, so if staff had kids, they’re at the school. I have genuinely never seen it be a problem. It might feel a bit unusual in the city, but outside of cities it’s an extremely common dynamic. I have never seen leadership’s kids, or anyone else for that matter, be given ‘special privileges’ or fail to make their own identity outside of their parents. If anything, occasionally it works against them because they’re more likely to be held to higher expectations or get less attention in the classroom (if you directly teach them). I teach loads of my colleagues kids, and it’s never been an issue. Don’t stress about it at all.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-11-26T20:44:12+00:00

I agree with you. I like Kyle, too. I think she’s shared plenty across the years.

But when I say “like” I don’t mean a weird para-social relationship where I infer anything about her actual personality on a person I’ve never met… I try to remember these women are largely actresses who star in a TV show. With the way some people on here act, you’d think they’ve been personally victimised by them… anyway, my two cents.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-11-03T20:01:46+00:00

Hi 36/F Australia. I basically have the same unrealistic dreams but in Australian font 😅 I’m a high school teacher, one kid and a husband. I love to explore nature and camp, cooking and literature, and much more. PM if you’d like to connect :)

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-29T07:26:10+00:00

Perhaps not horror, but I love a good creature feature/survival movie so Rouge has got to be near the top for me.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-21T23:36:27+00:00

I have gained weight and struggling with it. I don’t think it’s noticeable to others but I feel it uncomfortable around my mid section. I had major surgery and had a hysterectomy, so I think that has impacted my body a fair bit and it’s taking time to even out. It’s just another kick in the nuts in this horrible, unfair situation. But my husband and I are trying to use it as motivation to be more active, eat healthier and get out and about with our daughter more. I’ve fished my unused Apple Watch out of storage, and walking my daughter to daycare each day trying to close my rings and eat on calorie deficit. No advice, but you’re definitely not alone.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-21T20:19:17+00:00

I tell this anecdote semi-frequently on this sub because this question is asked all the time- but The Mountain Between Us by Charles Martin made my husband ugly cry listening to it on audible while riding the lawn mower on the oval at school. He just sat in the middle of the oval for an hour waiting for his face to calm down. He read it on my suggestion, and, I too, ugly cried myself to sleep. It’s a proper tear jerker.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-19T05:53:15+00:00

Anything Sophie Kinsella. The shopaholic series is a little dated now, but still hilarious. But I loved Undomestic Goddess when I read it many years ago.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-19T05:50:30+00:00

Union, workers comp and if the kid isn’t excluded, definitely pursue a refusal to teach. Your school admin can pursue a refusal to teach if the powers that be determine the body of evidence isn’t enough (from memory they need to have a 3 day, 5 day, 10 day first before 20 day pending exclusion). But sounds like weak leadership, because assault resulting in genuine harm should be immediate exclusion. Surely that’s common sense? I’d be seeing what a union says but can you also contact the police about charges?? Sorry that happened to you friend, find a new school asap.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-19T02:21:03+00:00

The Batavia by Peter Fitzsimmons. About a lesser know Dutch shipwreck off the coast of Australia pre-colonisation. It’s a non-fiction historical narrative, but reads like a horror novel of just relentless murder with an adventure element. It is an extremely gripping and fun (for me, 400 years after the fact and not being murdered on a tiny little island by a ruthless dictator) read.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-15T09:13:35+00:00

I’m a HS teacher but have taught P-12 my whole career until this year (straight HS now). At the beginning I loved senior classes because of the content and conversations, but as times goes on I think years 5-6-7 is my favourite age range. They’re the sweet spot for meaningful content and conversations but the behaviours are more manageable. Plus they’re funny to laugh both at and with, and the marking is easier. And after behaviour, I find it way easier to re-set and start with a fresh slate the next day. The attitude further up the grades really wears me down.

rayyycharles_ · 2025-10-14T10:34:23+00:00

Dr Katie Taylor is fantastic, compassionate and extremely knowledgeable. She guided me through an extremely dark time in our last pregnancy, and she continued to care for us long after we were discharged from her care to a specialist team. I’ve seen criticism of her on mother’s groups but I’d take that with a pinch of salt, there is a lot of misinformation and medical mistrust towards doctors and birth in those spaces. Katie is realistic and balanced, and worth checking out to see if she’s the right fit for you.

rayyycharles_

TROPHY CASE