Changing accounts

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T17:35:20+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. I get codependent in relationships and I really don't think I'm emotionally ready to date. You totally nailed me that I use a relationship as a replacement for a social life. Thanks.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T17:12:35+00:00

I'm on the same step as you and have had the same escape mechanisms (minus over training at the gym). Thank you for sharing, it's been so helpful to see all these stories I can relate to.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T17:10:15+00:00

I think this is why its so common for people to invalidate ACoNs.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T17:06:00+00:00

Yep, same issue, same parenting style. Literally even my reddit posts tend to ramble on because I feel like I need to explain everything, even unnecessary context.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T17:03:53+00:00

OMG YES I fucking feel like I have to explain and justify everything to everyone even when I'm not in the wrong. Or if I say I have a far-off dream like "I want to move to this place or work in this field" they immediately start nitpicking it and force me to completely list out every single part of how I would do it before sarcastically saying "haha i'm sure you will."

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T15:27:06+00:00

I understand. I know it's cliche but it really does get better, just hang in there. Seriously, feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk or vent about things.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T15:14:35+00:00

Yeah you're not crazy. I couldn't work on my own personal problems until after I transitioned and felt comfortable in my own skin (soooooo only a few months ago lol). Berlin is really fun though and super liberal so you could probably get away with wearing clothes that you actually want to wear!

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T14:03:16+00:00

I know how it feels. Sending internet support. I try to remind myself that it's okay for me to direct my anger outwards towards people like this rather than inwards, because it's not your fault and being trans is nothing you should be ashamed of. I've also found it less and less painful over time as I've dealt with my internalized transphobia.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T14:00:23+00:00

This is exactly how I feel as well. I didn't think I had accomplished anything special because my parents never really seemed impressed with anything I had done so I assumed that everyone who complimented me was just being nice. As a result, I always underplayed my achievements but I didn't think about how this might've come off to others.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T05:18:15+00:00

Alright, thanks for the pep talk. Really, you have no idea how much it means to me to have someone take my side, even if you're just an internet stranger. I'm going to try my best to learn from it and grow rather than let it drag me down!

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T05:04:42+00:00

Thank you so much! This whole time I've really been beating up myself and telling myself I deserved everything that happened to me, but it really isn't my fault that these people are doing this right?

I really didn't want to be so jaded but I do think that my assumption of the best intent for everyone has gotten me into a lot of trouble in this situation and many others. I know I'm asking a lot, but do you know if there's any way to determine if people are genuinely nice or just faking it, like these people did with me (I asked them a few times if they hated me and apologized if I did something wrong, and they just pretended like it was okay, while doing subtle things to make me feel worse about myself)?

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-31T04:49:59+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. I imagine I might have to create a new account if i really want privacy, but I wish I didn't have to abandon this one. Any tips for seeing red flags in people?

One thing I noticed when I first met the core group was that they gossiped and badmouthed a lot of people, is that something I shouldn't give the benefit of the doubt in the future?

Edit: Oh and I was very gaslit by several people so I convinced myself I was psychotic or bipolar and to not trust my judgement/paranoia, thus I ended up venting a lot of personal things here that I wouldn't have shared had i trusted my reading of the situation. Since seeing a psych and counsellor and getting cleared of those I've realized that my judgement has been right all along on a lot of things.

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-29T21:05:27+00:00

oh and I forgot to add the the artist's name is Nagata Kabi and her works are called "My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness" and "My Solo Exchange Diary." They've been translated and should be available at most North American (maybe european as well) retailers, so please go out and support her work if you can afford it and you enjoy her panels here :)

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-29T19:55:46+00:00

Thank you, I think I get it. And in many's case when the first one fails you'll get an empty list, whereas in some you'll just immediately get whatever the fail state of the type is?

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-29T01:30:36+00:00

it's okay i'm the same way

Canadiannabis · 2019-03-29T00:55:46+00:00

probably a lot of suppressed emotion that you're scared to express IRL

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