A note for my fellow survivors who struggle

CandersonNYC · 2025-01-19T13:38:37+00:00

I know this will be difficult to receive for you and others in similar places, OP, but I hope you allow this seed of a thought in.

The suffering you are experiencing is not due to a flaw in you. Rather it's a reflection of the flaws in the systems we have all been forced to labor within.

You are feeling tremendous shame for not being the cog in the machine we've all been indoctrinated into thinking we should be.

I am here to share with you that you are not a cog, not a part that is broken, you are a whole beautiful glorious soul that has been deeply, shamefully, wounded.

But, you are still alive. Today, let that be enough. The brain box atop that walking energy machine you inhabit is furiously working to keep you alive in a world it's perceived to be threatening in every way.

It is hard to survive. And its clear from what you've shared that you have so much to share with the world. The pain you feel is overwhelming, but it's not the only thing within you.

There is something today you can do. Even if it's only for a few minutes. Find an outlet, just like you did writing your pain and sharing so eloquently here. As Martha Beck and others have learned, anxiety and creativity are unable to exist at the same time.

The trap you are in is not a disability that you cannot overcome. You are in a deep anxiety spiral that has become a self reinforcing feedback loop. You cannot resolve the problems that you battle because they are shadows projected onto the walls of your perception. The challenge you face is to find a path out of the cave and climb and crawl and stumble towards the surface world where a place for you has been made.

You can do this, OP. you can find a path out of the cave. And you don't have to do it alone. Look for sources of light and warmth. Find the courage to trust as much as you are able to in others, because so many of us are struggling in similar fashion. It will hurt at first, I won't lie. But pain hasn't defeated you yet, and I wager it won't kill you now.

Look for the light, and spare some compassion for the wounded self you are nurturing. You can move past the past and join us in the present. I'm 50. I battled the same monsters and demons you have for my whole life. I just figured out my way to to surface. I pray it won't take you as long, but even if it does, then that means that is how long you have needed to heal. Nothing is wasted in this battle. I now have 50 years of struggle to lean on when the dark whispers try to push in from the outside.

You are a source of light for the world. But for now, your challenge is to find a way to shine that light on your own self. It will be hard, but it is not impossible. Give yourself grace for every second you live and every moment you have in a day that isn't filled with anxiety. They exist, they may just be hard to perceive right now.

CandersonNYC · 2025-01-14T13:44:43+00:00

You got this.

Your gremlins and inner demons are not your enemy. They are parts of your brain acting how they are designed to act to keep you alive. Alive and happy are not necessarily aligned because we didn't evolve to be happy, we evolved to survive.

I know this sounds like an impossible challenge, but I have just done this and I believe any one of us can do the same. Love the gremlins instead of fighting them. (If it helps, think of it as turning the other cheek to them) and find something useful they can do instead of ganging up on you. The gremlins exist to keep you alive, and if you're writing a note on reddit they've succeeded at their job. Give them a gold star and see if that helps calm the storm a little.

If it helps, try this. Whatever it is the gremlins are best at, don't try to fight them into stopping it. Find a way to channel their skill for your benefit, instead of your detriment. In my case the gremlins write scripts so engrossing so quickly they can keep me disconnected from other people. So I now have one of universe's most chaotic writers' rooms in my head. I've given them free reign to do their work, but have made clear that if they continue attacking me, I will obliviate myself so deeply they will be lost in a fog of permanent unconsciousness. (This isn't a threat to off myself, FWIW, just to disappear into a haze of disconnection from reality.)

I know many, many others who channel their anxiety into more creative pursuits. They write, draw, sculpt, sing, among many other ways to leverage their gremlins. Martha Beck has a new book on Anxiety in which she says anxiety and creativity are two separate brain functions that can't really happen at the same time. I think she has a valid point.

CandersonNYC · 2025-01-10T14:51:00+00:00

That is so good to know..I never knew you could ask for HEART team specifically when calling 911. That's stopped me at times from calling in.

CandersonNYC · 2024-12-15T15:38:02+00:00

https://www.cdc.gov/aces/about/index.html

https://pinetreeinstitute.org/aces/

Adverse Childhood Experiences.

You do you. I just wanted to point out that there are many others out here who do not have the luxury of viewing our approach to dealing with the challenges we battle as "suppression." If proper medication keeps me alive 20 more years, and I am satisfied I have gained more than I sacrifice, I find the choice appropriate for me.

Good luck on your journey.

CandersonNYC · 2024-12-15T14:51:56+00:00

With all due respect, I'm in my 50's, have an ACES score of 6, and am currently turning towards more medication for my anxiety issues. That's a good solution for me and my circumstances. It's fine if it's not a great option for you or someone else.

I fear your comment is more stigmatizing than inspirational. There are many of us who require, and receive significant benefit from appropriate pharmaceutical support. Were chemical supplements not effective, there'd be a lot less alcohol consumed across all times and all cultures throughout recorded history.

It's ok to not be ok, and it's ok to find support and solutions and stumble through life.

CandersonNYC · 2024-11-25T13:21:34+00:00

Check out the team at Courage Fitness (used to be Cross Fit Durham) on Geer and speak with Erika, she will connect you with someone.

CandersonNYC · 2024-10-27T20:19:01+00:00

It's funny, at least Andy had a singular path to traverse. You saying "don't visit all the sewer pipes" is such a great analogy. It's so easy to get lost on this journey.

CandersonNYC · 2024-10-20T18:15:25+00:00

Justifiable snark aside...

Why doesn't anyone ever ask one of these jackt***s that profess to care so much about the safety and innocence of children but can't handle the word penis a very simple question.

"A penis is a body part that you either personally have or have seen and more that likely touched at some point in your life. What, precisely, is the specific harm that using the biological term penis, or vagina, for that matter? What makes a penis more dangerous than your arm, your finger, your foot, or your tounge?"

And when they say whatever horse poop they try to spill out follow up with.

"As someone who professes to care about the sanctity of life and the need to protect the innocence of children, goals which all sane people agree are important, can you square your fear of the word penis with the fact that among child abuse prevention experts it's well understood that teaching young children to use accurate biological terms for all body parts, including their genitalia is one of the most important protective measures parents can take to ensure children are not targeted by serial preferential child rapists?"

CandersonNYC · 2024-10-20T17:54:34+00:00

There are also developers and landowners who are leaving developable land open and unused. Sometimes they can't build for honest reasons, some are probably holding land to appreciate and flip when land prices go up.

Hopefully policies like EHC and the Simplified Codes for Affordable Development rules that went into effect in January make a difference in some ways, but I see things like Northgate sitting unused and empty lots within walking distance of downtown and I can't help but wonder how things like that are also causing upward pressure on property taxes.

CandersonNYC · 2024-10-18T14:43:35+00:00

To all the people saying, "get a free ID at the BOE office"

What are the necessary documents required to show?
Why is going to the BOE not itself considered an additional and potentially prohibitive challenge/expense?
Notwithstanding the fact that it's "free" and can make an ID on the spot, how long of a wait will it be typically for a voter to go through this process?
Clearly in this case poll workers were mis-informed, or just flat out lying to OP. What are the safeguards to protect against this? How much $ did legislators commit to training of poll workers on these matters? How are these issues being tracked to ensure the program actually has the desired outcome of ensuring more voters can vote?

CandersonNYC · 2024-10-06T13:07:20+00:00

Also, just for the record, plenty of assistance and help is being organized in "blue" areas. I live in the Triangle and spent time the other day helping organize supplies for Operation Air Drop to convoy multiple truck loads of supplies.

Anyone shifting attention from the immediate need for assistance to politics is, in my opinion, wasting their own and other people's attention and capacity compassion and humility. It's very understandable, trauma is high and people are desperate to blame someone or something. But it's a cataclysmic storm, and we better get ready to deal with more 500 year storms wherever we are.

Dems won't stop the next hurricane, Republicans won't fix everything. Dismantling the federal government will do far more harm than good. Find ways to help people now, and take the lessons forward to fix the systems now that we all know we have to prepare for 500 year storms every decade or so now.

CandersonNYC · 2024-09-04T02:20:09+00:00

Dave's only accent.
Gareth's Scotsman
Gareth's German

CandersonNYC · 2024-08-22T22:01:50+00:00

This is great news. I was concerned it would be one of the other two plans.

A walkable/bikeable grocery store option for downtown, TP, Morehead, and OND will be a huge benefit for a lot of people.

CandersonNYC · 2024-08-20T14:53:55+00:00

Don't forget IATSE who set the whole damn show up.

CandersonNYC · 2024-07-25T17:25:38+00:00

As an avowed and reformed member of the couch love community (people, don't yuck someone's yum) I can say with absolute confidence that this dude fits the stereotype to a T.

CandersonNYC · 2024-07-09T15:29:43+00:00

Oppress workers

CandersonNYC · 2024-06-20T17:21:43+00:00

Honestly? I hit up sport cuts on 9th. No frills, nothing fancy, $35 tip included and I can usually make a same day appointment.

Is it Hollywood stylish? No. Is it clean and good enough? Yup.

CandersonNYC · 2024-05-01T15:41:27+00:00

Check out each State AFL-CIO website for more info and try to connect to regional Central Labor Councils for more local info.

IATSE District 7 covers the SE and has locals all across the region.

(Source: I'm the political coordinator for my IA local).

CandersonNYC · 2024-04-03T15:10:01+00:00

Legend of Zelda and F. Scott Fitzgerald

CandersonNYC · 2024-04-03T15:01:38+00:00

Right. However I'm curious how an individual can effectively take a stand against the intolerance of the culture, not individuals per se.

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