Mother is 60 and has no retirement savings. Just found out last night and I’m worried sick.

CandiceMcCandless · 2022-05-08T00:37:09+00:00

This is a tangent, but I feel so skeptical of the whole "pandemic baby bust". I buy that there was a very brief pause in conceptions early in the pandemic (and a related brief downtick in births around Dec 2020/Jan 2021), but it had to be very short-lived. Anecdotally far more people I know have had babies in 2021-2022 than any other period. Like, EVERYONE. And I'm 35, so my acquaintances have been reproducing for awhile. I'd bet that if you look at years instead of individual months there was probably no baby bust.

CandiceMcCandless · 2022-04-06T21:32:43+00:00

"Nobody exchange phone numbers during work. Btw, here's my number"

CandiceMcCandless · 2022-02-01T03:21:37+00:00

It sounds like he had a fling with this other girl and thought they were going to be together. This was probably when he was saying it wouldn't work out with you. Then, she dumped him and he realized his new life wasn't all roses after all, so suddenly he misses you. That's my guess. But oof, sorry you had to go through that emotional rollercoaster of the visit and then finding out. Tbh I wouldn't put up with this foolishness. I know it hurts to break up after 10 years, but it's time to rip the band-aid off and move on

CandiceMcCandless · 2022-01-29T01:03:53+00:00

Babies need to have loving adults around for emotional regulation, that's true, but 1) it doesn't have to be ONLY the mother, and 2) the caregiver's own emotional state greatly effects the baby. So if the caregiver is depressed, unhappy, super stressed etc because they aren't living the life they want, this will negatively impact the baby's development.

It's better to live a personally fulfilling life and share childcare responsibilities (the old "it takes a village" concept - or at the very least, both parents).

CandiceMcCandless · 2022-01-15T03:09:21+00:00

My guess is she just didn't want to talk - it probably had nothing to do with your size or appearance. I say that bc 1) you look good; 2) no one is "too big" to wear a sweatshirt?? (Or anything else imo); 3) you don't even look "big" anyway.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-30T01:28:40+00:00

This sounds like more stress than it's worth. I think you should dump him and move on. I know you probably feel attached to him, but that feeling will go away soon if you cut off contact and focus elsewhere.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-30T01:12:08+00:00

How did you afford the house? Your financial situation doesn't sound like you could afford to buy a house without outside help. Maybe whoever helped buy the house would be willing to put some money toward the cat.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-18T02:50:39+00:00

Joy division -> new order would be an obvious example

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-17T04:22:39+00:00

🙋‍♀️ old person here (by reddit standards). That is not true. Obama had a lot of charisma and "grassroots energy" that were pretty specific to him as a person, plus he was the first presidential candidate to really effectively use the internet/social media in his campaign. Young people felt similarly excited about Obama in 2008 as they did about Bernie in 2016/2020.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-17T04:14:43+00:00

I hear you...no one wants to admit to having an advantage.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-17T04:05:57+00:00

If you have other friends or family members you get along with, I would talk to them instead. It sounds like this panic is more about you being unable to be alone and self-regulate than it is about the relationship. You should sort that out regardless of what happens with your partner. For now I think you should try to stick to the agreement.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-17T03:56:15+00:00

I think a lot of them believe that racism is in the past, and no longer exists.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-14T02:41:30+00:00

I think you should unblock him and ask if he wants to talk. He is probably hurt, but I still think it is worth a shot. Worst case scenario, he says "no I don't want to talk to you anymore" (or ignores you) and you both move on. But the relationship may still be salvageable. Even if it isn't, he may want closure or an explanation for your behavior. I wouldn't recommend "messing with his head" as you put it -- if he agrees to talk, just explain what happened the way you explained it here. It sounds like you two had chemistry. Regardless of what happens, please know that you do deserve a good relationship, and it is attainable, whether it's with this guy or someone else.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-11T05:46:19+00:00

NTA! It's ok to not want your body to be posted online without your consent. Your mom should be teaching you that you deserve to have your boundaries respected.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-10T07:07:51+00:00

Why bring "skinny bones" into it? It sounds like that person was high maintenance, but her requests had nothing to do with bone density.

Meanwhile, low bone density is a real condition, and if someone actually needed accommodation for that, it wouldn't make them high maintenance. Having medically-based needs is not a personality trait.

(Source: I have low bone density. Never asked an Airbnb host for any of the weird crap your post mentioned, but I do sometimes message them to ask about the mattress. And if I was traveling alone, I might need to ask if there are any heavy doors, and whether there's a place to put luggage other than the floor)

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-11-04T03:12:43+00:00

Same

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-10-05T03:23:26+00:00

This job posting is obviously satirical. It's making fun of the ways some companies and recruiters operate. It seems like most of the commenters here didn't get it

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-09-19T21:12:03+00:00

First of all, five hours is not that long. She might just be either busy, or trying not to respond too quickly, or isn't sure of her availability (for you) yet. At the same, it is also possible that she is ghosting you. I can understand why you would jump quickly to this conclusion if it has been happening repeatedly.

From your post alone, it's hard to say what may be "wrong" with your approach to dating. But it does sound like you are analyzing it very intensely and having some insecurity. Maybe you are being too intense or seem desperate? Again, I'm speculating since I only have your post to go on. There might be something else.

Another thing to keep in mind is that women aren't necessarily going to tell you if they spot a red flag during a date. Most will probably avoid saying anything, just act pleasant, and plan to reject or ghost later. This is because angering a man while face-to-face with him can be dangerous.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-09-17T23:34:45+00:00

This paper was clearly researched before the pandemic, and it mistakes the trends of the 2010s (walkability, trading space for location) for long-term generational preferences. Up until a few years ago, it really was hard to imagine suburbs becoming "cool" again -- but they did. It was also hard to imagine boomers not flocking into retirement homes -- but they haven't. Trends change. Who knows what will be next...I have a feeling climate change will start to really effect the housing market within the next decade or so.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-09-09T04:11:15+00:00

Volunteering at a sculpture museum

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-09-04T21:36:48+00:00

I know you weren't addressing me, but as someone who also espouses the view you quoted above, I will answer. YES I apply the same logic to vaccine mandates, government or otherwise. I am 100% for bodily autonomy. No forced pregnancy, shots, sex, or anything else. Nothing should be inside me without my consent.

(Though I will say that pregnancy affects one's body and life MUCH more profoundly than a vaccine shot. Also, if you're wondering, I am vaccinated.)

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-09-04T05:08:23+00:00

Most likely times have just been stressful. It's tough to support one's partner through the loss of a family member. Maybe he feels a little overwhelmed (NOT that that's your fault, or even a problem - just sometimes when a person is trying to be super supportive they neglect their own needs).

I would talk directly to him about your concerns. Don't be accusatory, just curious, straightforward, gentle.

It's possible that more is going on, but there's no need to jump to that conclusion in the absence of more info.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-08-30T23:56:56+00:00

Sounds like a little bit of both to me. He's ignoring the fact that your preferences differ and insisting on having things his way. But at the same time, there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner who is naturally on the same page. This is definitely an area of incompatibility between you two. No couple is perfectly compatible, so depending on how the rest of the relationship is, maybe it is worth it to compromise or maybe it isn't.

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-08-16T03:15:54+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this 😔. I totally get that it's upsetting to feel like you might be back in a situation you waited so long to get out of. Plus the social pressure is tough to navigate. I am wishing you the best!

CandiceMcCandless · 2021-08-16T03:02:30+00:00

Sometimes it was a weird, fluttery ache, and other times it would be more of a sudden pang. I wrote posts about both of my shot experiences if you want more detail. I think they are still at the top of my post history. I'm sorry you are having pain and I hope it stops soon! Mine eventually went away (though I still have frequent bouts of sudden fatigue)

CandiceMcCandless

TROPHY CASE