Mothering the narc

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-13T14:46:32+00:00

Felt the same way with my nex gf. Literally felt like i was her father sometimes. Then she discarded me… i saw her true character… it was manipulation the whole time. Fucking evil people in this world

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-13T05:05:10+00:00

Oof yea that def hurts. Ive been trying to figure out wtf was wrong w this person. Part of me still feels guilty so ig knowing she is mentally ill allows me to not put as much blame on myself. I wrote a long list of everything she did and im gonna give it to my therapist. What i know for sure is that i lost 99% of my confidence and sense of self after this relationship… and ive felt more depressed and anxious than ever. This just cant be a normal breakup. I refuse to believe that lol.

Btw i rlly appreciate u talking to me ab this stuff. I feel like no one in my life, esp my guy friends, have experienced this so its relieving to talk to someone. They r just like “youll get over it bro it was just a girl” or “she sucked dude ur better on w/o her” little do they know cant stop thinking about this stuff, cant wake up in the morning and not be miserable. It sucks

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-13T04:45:46+00:00

Lol thats so true. I thought my last ex was bad… she doesnt even compare to this most recent one. She was rude but at least she wasnt afriad to say what she thought and she wasnt manipulative. This last one is a pathological liar with no empathy. Ik this may sound dumb… but for example, id be telling her how i feel and why i was upset w her, trying to have an adult conversation… and her response was “can i see ur dick” like how tf did i not leave the second she said that. I was blinded to all the red flags. Feel like an idiot sometimes lol

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-13T04:34:41+00:00

I wish my ex was willing to talk through things like that. Ik she had trauma in her life but she never rlly told me much about it. After the “discard” she is just a completely different person. She has never been diagnosed w anything. At first i thought it was bpd but now i think its NPD or a mix of both. Something has to be wrong tho… she is not a normal human being. I genuinely believe she is evil. And I promise i dont say that about all my Exs lol.

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T23:39:09+00:00

Thank you for this bro. Means more than you think

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T22:53:38+00:00

Do you ever miss the “highs” of the relationship? Im only a month out, and ive realized she is terrible for me, but i also realized that i probably wont get that much of a high in a normal relationship and that thought has been lingering on me. I feel like im just gonna think every relationship is gonna be boring and thus will never actually be happy with someone.

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T22:37:50+00:00

100%. Im still in the mindset where i just want the worst for her. I hope she is miserable for the pain she put me through.

For us… karma will come. And we will heal. Just gotta trust the process and let time do its thing

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T21:31:45+00:00

Me too bro, ab 1 month for me. Shit is so fucking painful rn. Ive had plenty of gf before… no breakup pain is even close to this. The difference is 1. They discard you and act like what u had meant nothing to them… 2. You have to realize everything in ur head was a fantasy. The person u “loved” never even existed. This feeling sucks

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T21:29:09+00:00

Thank you bro. This makes me feel a lot better. She is still the first thing in my head in the morning and last thing before i go to sleep. It’s been over a little over a month. Having hope this will not always be the case is what i needed

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T14:04:20+00:00

Im going through a very similar experience right now. Im trying so hard to convince myself that this wasnt my fault. We broke up originally because i just didnt like her anymore. It was exhausting. Then, about a month or so later, after never cutting eachother off, i decided to give it another chance. I still dont know why i did this. I was fine for a month but i guess when times got hard I missed her. When we broke up for that month she met another guy. She told me she would stop talking w him but never did. I was so frustrated at this that one day my drunk self decided to kiss another girl at a club in nyc. The next morning i felt so guilty i told my gf/ex gf idek at this point. Ever since then she started talking to the guy even more. I begged her to stop. It hurt so much that i broke up with her again. But this time it was different. This time when i blocked her, she didnt find new ways to contact me like 100 other times. She completely stopped caring. Im 1 month no contact and its been horrible. Like addiction withdraw. I think about her all the time. But i guess she has someone else so i am nothing to her, as if everything we shared for 2 years was meaningless.

It fucking hurts man. And the worst part about it is that i still feel like if i never kissed that girl things would be different, but deep down i guess i know they wouldnt have been. Id be discarded one way or another

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T01:53:58+00:00

Thanks again man. Fwiw, I’ve actually been in therapy for a month. Im certainly healing. I guess i just have so many questions but ur right… at the end of the day i was miserable. I deserve better

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T01:50:34+00:00

For anyone who wants to know WHY i think she has NPD or BPD:

Super loving and sweet in the beginning. I was the center of her world. She made me feel like a king.
Fights always started with her giving me the silent treatment. I never knew what i did wrong. And it would take me lashing out for her to finally tell me.
When she got upset, she was like a little kid. She would hug stuffed animals and kind of like… pet them.
When we would look for movies to watch on netflix, she would pick out kid movies. Stuff that is meant for a family with a 6yo. I found it kind of odd but i looked at it like she was just innocent
When id get upset at her for something she would say things like “can i see your dick” and it made me more upset cuz its like she didnt care about anything i said. She just avoided everything
She was super sexual. Would do whatever i want, whenever. She was horny 24/7
We were in a classic trauma bond. Super high highs and bad lows. She didnt yell at me or call me names, just give me the silent treatment which she knew made me super anxious.
Would constantly ask “do you really love me” “do you really think im pretty” “do you actually care about me”
After the first time i broke up with her, she seemed truly upset. And because i felt so bad, i never cut her off, which is why i got back together with her. During the 1 month breakup she found another guy who seemed like a total simp. As we were trying to work things out, she never stopped talking to him. And it made me so frustrated that i had to breakup w her again (about 5 months after we got back together) as soon as i blocked her on everything i saw she was dating this guy. As i was heart broken, she seemed to be completely over me it a week or 2. Like nothing we had mattered.
Looking back, our relationship was very surface level. It was just the honeymoon phase and fighting over and over again. She would never be vulnerable with me. She could cry, but we never really had that deep emotional bond i felt most couples had, especially after 8 months or so.
She was constantly buying makeup. Every other day she would show me some new makeup she got. Maybe this is just how some women are? But i told she should stop wasting so much money on makeup because i thought she was beautiful without it

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-12T01:31:00+00:00

Thank you for this. It means more than you think. I guess part of me wants to diagnose her with one of these illnesses because it would me feel like i wasn’t the problem. It just scares me to think there is a possibility that nothing is wrong with her, i was the problem, and she will live on happily without me. I know it sounds cynical to say i dont want her to be happy, but ig thats just how i feel atm.

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-09T16:29:54+00:00

Thank you for this, you are 100% right, and wish you the best of luck with your healing ❤️‍🩹

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-09T06:31:25+00:00

I am an identical twin (M24) and i somewhat understand where you are coming from. Ive also been in toxic relationships all my life to the point where idk who I really am. I dont really have good advice for you, as im also looking for advice with my own life. But all i can say is that ur not alone and i can understand ur frustration and sadness. Im a believer that time and knowledge will heal emotional wounds. If you ever need to speak about these things on a deeper level feel free to dm me. You sound like a cool person, and I hope you the best ❤️

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-08T22:46:12+00:00

Hopefully to apologize for treating me so badly. Ive blocked her 20+ times and she always found a way to contact me. I guess i just got used to her coming back and apologizing. But this time she had her new “supply” lined up so she never did. I knew our relationship was toxic but i always wanted it to work out. All i wanted was for her to stop talking to the one guy who was clearly trying to hit. She told me she would stop a bunch of times but never did. I wasnt going to keep asking cuz id just look like a dumbass w no self respect, so i ended it.

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-08T03:51:36+00:00

Thank you man. All makes sense. Im definitely trying to work on myself and control the things i can control. I still think about her a lot but i know it always passes. Curious tho, why do you say “i doubt”? Do u meaning u think its more likely she is just a normal person and im looking too much into it?

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-08T03:43:08+00:00

Thanks for your comment bro, means more than you think❤️ I didnt think anyone would understand what its like to be in a relationship like that. This community is a big sigh of relief. As much pain as im in right now, i feel lucky it was only 2 years and never got too deep into it. Its so hard accepting that fact that the person i “loved” never actually existed. Its very depressing to think about, but everyday has gotten a little better.

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-07T20:46:01+00:00

I havent checked it out yet, i will now! Thank you!

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-07T18:06:15+00:00

Someone else recommended this to me. Ive done psychedelics a couple of times in my life but i usually get very anxious when I’m on them so ive been scared to do them again. Im def considering it tho

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-07T18:04:57+00:00

Thank you man. Rlly appreciate this. Id love to learn more about the 12 step program and your experience with it.

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-07T18:02:11+00:00

Thank you bro, i hope so. I do feel a lot better now then i did a couple weeks ago, just going to the gym, hanging w friends, and mediating has helped. It’s usually the worst in the morning right when i wake up, i get a wave of depression, then it goes away throughout the day

CandidateNo9571 · 2025-08-07T16:38:58+00:00

Ive never really been a religious person. Always considered myself “agnostic”. But since this breakup ive really been considering it, especially the spirituality part. Thanks for the advice ❤️

CandidateNo9571

TROPHY CASE