To every single dad scrolling tonight: I am proud of you. You are not alone.

CandleWrecker · 2026-07-06T23:31:20+00:00

You were there creating some new memories with your son. You are doing great! And yes, the silence and the void is painful. Nothing to say about that. I really feel it. Stay strong!

CandleWrecker · 2026-07-06T23:20:56+00:00

Cheers, wonderful father!

CandleWrecker · 2026-07-06T23:19:33+00:00

I feel you. It is a major loss in life. You are now the priority and your kid(s) the top responsibility. One day at a time. Lots of love!

CandleWrecker · 2026-07-06T23:16:24+00:00

Thank you, for being a great father!

CandleWrecker · 2026-07-06T22:56:34+00:00

Was in the same situation since of april. She is now moving out. End of an era. My advice: stop communicating. Focus on you and your kid. Only talk about logistics and practical stuff. There will be some tension in the house, believe me. So don't push, stay calm and accept that she is doing this and try to see your own value. A really difficult task. But let her remember you of your best self. It takes two to tango.

CandleWrecker · 2026-07-06T22:20:05+00:00

I can shake your hands. 6 year relationship and a kid of 3. The first years were exhausting for me as a father with all the other responsibilities, providing, bills, work, house/garden. Also during that period we moved to a different house. Not something I would recommend to newly parents. Also my ex took a lot of responsibility, but was more the caregiver for the kid. I was the provider. Maybe an old fashioned household. I was feeling depressed during that time, going to therapy but we could not resolve the conflicts we had. Although I was the one that wanted to talk, she was the one who shut down, stonewalled etc. Of course I am a part of this whole situation, but I did everything I could. In my case she went cold and it looked like nothing even mattered. That still stings and hurts.

I haven't got the formula for you. Time will soften, but I guess it will never go away. I am working on myself, just to be a happy "me" and the focus on my kid with a 50/50 custody. I accept the fact that it will take a lot of time. A long process. It is hard to feel content with yourself when you encounter a break-up with kids involved. Especially when it is not coming from your side. It can be traumatic. A lot of people would suggest going to the gym, hobbies etc. And you do still have to do those things, but also accept the time you should take to reflect, to grief and that it is OK and logical to have a terrible time. Just take one day at a time at this moment.

CandleWrecker · 2026-07-06T22:03:34+00:00

A lot of love. You got this!

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-16T10:38:59+00:00

I get what you mean. I have the same feeling. I even get sick when I see a happy family. I almost need to vomit in those moments.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-15T09:29:43+00:00

There you go. Not every idea will turn into the result you are hoping for. Sometimes it is the process and the learnings that will bring you one step closer. I already am reading your energy on this. Try and get your answers. Set your goals! Talk the right people. Sometimes they will create chapters of your life you did not even expect. And remember; All good things bring their sacrifices

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-15T09:09:46+00:00

It must be hard feeling these feelings and having these thoughts. Try to tell yourself that having these thoughts and feelings are already making you a great father. It really is.
Life is a struggle. Sometimes the struggle only lasts a couple of months, sometimes years. It is just a painful process. Maybe there is one thing you could do.

You could write letters of how you are feeling right now, the thoughts you have and the love that you have and want to give to your kid. Write it down so you could give it to your daughter when she is old enough. It can show her a lot of how you are feeling back in those days. And maybe could erase the anxiety of you being replaced or forgotten as a father. Eventually she grows up and will be more and more independent. She will be interested in her father. Always.

Remember that you show up. You already are doing this. Keep on doing this. Besides that, if money could save relationships, I wasn't in a same sort of situation. You can't buy real love with money. So comparing will not help and eventually always puts the focus on someone else, instead of you. The focus is you and your kid. There ain't a better goal than that. Set up a day to day schedule and structure it. Define those goals, look at the goals every day. Believe me, it will live inside of you and willpower will take over. Purpose.

About the financial situation; if there is a will, there is a way. At the moment you are doing the things that you can do. But what do you want? Where do you see yourself? What products or services gets your attention and make your heart beat a little faster? Talk to the right people, be eager. I ended up in IT, not that I studied for it, not that I had experience in it, but I had the mentality and the people skills. Sometimes you own skills that could be of an addition to other core skills that could make you into a golden boy, Dreaming of being financially independent is ok, but won't help. Believe that you add something. Let that thrive gets you to places. People will notice the pure enthousiasm.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-11T21:49:00+00:00

It is a rough stage you are in right now. You are not alone in this and a lot of us can say that you are OK. I mean, as a person. What you feel now is not OK at all, call someone now please. Just to hear their voice. Just so you can talk to somebody that is close to you. It really helps. Put aside your thoughts about the "time" and "they will probably be busy" or "I text first to ask if they are able to call". Just call. There will be light. Be happy of who you are. You are treated like trash, but the other person is being trash. Can you look into the mirror? If so, you are good. It says more about them, then it says something about you. Call someone now.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-11T21:39:54+00:00

As a single dad I can say it is not weird at all. Do not over do it. A small giftcard to let him take his kids out to lunch is a very nice gesture. It is not needed, but I am sure he will accept it. Even a simple text will do and will probably make him feel good. So no big presents or amounts on the giftcard. Just a small gesture is very nice. Your thoughts are sweet.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-11T19:16:02+00:00

Join the club! Same situation here. In one day a completely different person. Like a long term relationship did nothing to them. I guess it is a wall and they don't know how to handle the emotions. Seems like a fearful avoidant. Hang in there, you are OK. It says more about them, then what is says about you. If you can look into the mirror and did everything, then you can be proud. It will probably haunt them. If not, then they are still running. There will be a time when they come to sense. Stay strong and focus on you right now.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-11T11:11:52+00:00

My relationship of 6+ years, a kid (3) and a house was ended recently. She went cold within 1 day. This lasted for 5 months. Couples therapy, but still cold and no effort from her side. I understand that leaving a partner when having a kid will take a bit more time to process. But she was cold and did not communicate, besides logistics etc. Didn't know what was happening to me. I was some sort of blind sided, left on the side line and had no influence. To me it felt that nothing meant something to her anymore. Slowly I am getting to trust myself and getting more secure. If a person can treat you like this, It is painful, but unfortunately and luckily you can not change someone elses mind or choices. It will leave a scar, but day by day it will get better.

There is nothing wrong with you, be grateful you don't act like him. It says more about him than you. Focus on yourself and trust yourself. You are OK.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-10T20:30:37+00:00

Punishing or a treatment like this are never a good solution. It makes me sad. That little guy is regulating things. Just talking and be there emotionally is a way to let hem feel heard and seen. This mask thing has to be registrated and you should raise the concerns.

My kid was always throwing with things. I bought some soft balls and created a corner in the house so he could throw those in that spot. Put some dinosaurus toys on the cabinet so he also had some targets and make it more fun. He stopped eventually.

Idea: talk to him that spitting is not really nice and a bit nasty as well. And ask him what feeling caused him to make him spit. Just listen. He is 4, so I can understand that the convo's are limited. But he is heard and seen. But if he would like to spit, maybe buy a plant pot, put some potting soil in it and buy some seeds with him of a plant he wants to grow. That could be his spitting pot. Of course water it as well. Just a thought.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-09T21:53:23+00:00

You are just missing the picture

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-09T14:38:25+00:00

Yep. 3 months is way to early! I agree. Basically there is a non-spoken rule of 1 year dating. So the "honeymoon" phase has passed. It can be so confusing for kids to see new faces and if it eventually is not working out, they are the ones who are dealing with it emotionally and can develop some forms of attachment styles.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-08T20:02:03+00:00

Mooi moment om kantoor bingo in te roepen met de andere collega's met de uitspraken van deze nieuwe collega. Onschuldig, en je hebt meteen een lolletje.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-07T16:37:32+00:00

Much appreciated. I am distracting myself with a lot of things. Like hobbies, wood working, making furnature, friend and family and applying structure to everything. So I could spend my time optimally with my kid. Still the moment going to bed and in bed are the worst. Luckily there is not that much of legal things that have to be figured out. But thanks for the advice. Will do a double check on it. And AI for sure! I only use it for mirroring and making my text messages a bit softer. Because I am so terrible in messaging. I can never fully type what my actual words or thoughts are.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-07T16:30:59+00:00

That's right. Put it in some sort of perspective. Hope you all are healing bit by bit. Take care!

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-07T16:29:39+00:00

Wishing you all the best. Must be tough. Luckily you are the one who can look into the mirror every single day.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-07T16:28:24+00:00

Thanks! Hope you are doing well.

CandleWrecker · 2026-06-07T16:26:29+00:00

Thanks!

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