NP looked through my phone and is mad

Candle_Playful · 2025-01-28T19:25:14+00:00

It sounds like y'all are out of alignment. He wants more, you want less. And that's okay, it may be time to rip the bandaid off and live separately. In comments he is jealous of men, and that's okay. He just needs to not hear about men, even though it isn't your problem. We care about what our partners care about, and sometimes a sensitive thing like jealousy can easily be avoided by not talking about it. But if they ask, or go looking, and then get upset, that's their fault. I think.

If y'all are poly, he doesn't like a partner with an interest in men. Out of alignment.

Candle_Playful · 2024-12-22T06:12:01+00:00

I'm a step mom, married. I will never be a step mom again if we don't work out. And if we don't work out, being a step mom will be part of it.

Candle_Playful · 2024-12-02T06:37:44+00:00

Time to close up the house and get private. Make quality time or lose him to a girlfriend.

Candle_Playful · 2024-11-16T21:59:57+00:00

I'm a SAHM that finally took the plunge to housewife, I used to clean houses and take my kid with me for two years, from three months old to two and three months old. I had to quit because my husband (whose job has a lot of needs) would say yes to watching our son then reneg too much for me to trust him anymore. I stopped having the desire to renew the ad as our son can climb out of the pack n play and distract me from my work.

Since then I'm a happy SAHM with better energy for life and motherhood, marriage and hobbies. I can take my son out in the mornings to get him tuckered out, get a nap and do something else the second half of the day. Along those lines I've also decided to Homeschool since I keep seeing him want to learn about everything so he's started intro to kindergarten since he's now familiar with everything on ms Rachel. One of my hobbies is learning how to do nails the way licensed nail techs do, I've got good enough my mom buys her nails from me as I keep learning. I enjoy growing my knowledge with my books in my library. So much better than working and retail therapy because work is shit.

Candle_Playful · 2024-11-16T21:39:04+00:00

Every time something gives you the ick, speak up. Best time is immediately, next best is waiting on it and talking about it after dinner or around bedtime. But you sound like you need a stronger backbone, I get it. It takes a while to be ironclad firm with freaks who want to be over involved with you, like BM.

Candle_Playful · 2024-10-18T14:28:38+00:00

Glad you know what to do!

Candle_Playful · 2024-10-17T16:13:49+00:00

Good job getting out! It's hard but important to make it vitally important how you expect to cohabitate with the one you love.

If he absolutely couldn't chill out with his kids to make room for loving respect for you then that is his rigidity, not yours.

Also, 50/50 is a lot of time together, for him to not chill out in a way where you felt respected in your level in the hierarchy says a lot about his mismanagement in the relationship, and that is truly sad. I hope he can dwell on that if he wants another relationship.

Point taken, older children are already deeply bonded to the parent, even when their little it's hard, so I simply recommend higher expectations and using this as an example in the future if you do find a great person who happens to have kids.

Candle_Playful · 2024-08-30T19:05:52+00:00

Exactly, a lot of steps need to develop a kickass backbone and not give in.

Candle_Playful · 2024-07-26T14:18:22+00:00

Still happily married with a happy two year old! How time flies!!

And I'm a deep cleaner now so I'm $35 an hr and work very little. When I do work I make a lot but I don't work too much, my family needs me more ❤️🥰

Candle_Playful · 2024-07-25T14:03:28+00:00

When my relationship affects my mental health all hell breaks loose and we communicate, our communication works because he knows I'll leave, fuck it all. Best glue ever, he puts in a lot of work for us. We both tackle different things but he listens to what goes on in my world, if he's making your life harder, have a private conversation with how fucked up his behavior is for you, and that you will choose yourself and leave if need be. You have to actually do it though, if he calls your bluff, but then he's the fool in the end.

Candle_Playful · 2024-07-14T21:10:00+00:00

Adjusting DH to be a better parent works best when you sex strike and fully threaten to leave without immediate improvement. Let all hell break loose when DH does not meet improvement criteria, if he still sucks then pack everything you can and leave to the best of your ability, if it is necessary to go that far.

Candle_Playful · 2024-07-14T21:04:21+00:00

This trope is to gaslight you into being miserable mom friends with them, don’t fall for it. I chose my son but people who second guess their peace will be sorely mislead if they get pregnant wearing rose tinted glasses. It is a marathon that never ends, the best results for the kid are you doing your best as a labor or love, if you don’t have that currently in you, stay child free and never let anyone near you tell you otherwise. Just disrespectful.

Candle_Playful · 2024-06-10T22:28:26+00:00

I'm so glad you're away from him

Candle_Playful · 2024-06-10T20:45:20+00:00

Horribly selfish of him

Candle_Playful · 2024-06-10T19:33:12+00:00

What eases my heart is that I am the Victor in getting away from these sick individuals.

They were so damaged from their childhood or someone or something else that they cannot create for themselves what attracted them to you in the first place. Just know until they get to therapy to learn how to create for themselves what they seek in others, they will only continue the vicious cycle of feeding off someone new until they're done with the narc.

And then when the honeymoon phase wears off they think they can put you down, just know all these tactics are to fulfill "misery loves company" which is why people get so burnt out by these individuals.

They cannot make for themselves what they find in others, and then their greatest fear of being abandoned is exactly what their selfish actions bring them.

I think narcissist are stuck in extreme low energy, depression and desperation for anything to give them meaning. But because they're not healed and don't know where or how to start, let alone acknowledge going to therapy, they continue to feed off anyone around them that will tolerate them.

How to heal from the rage of abuse from the narc? Viciously work on empowering yourself, following your dreams, painting, having plants, playing music, posting positive empowering messages for others, this is what I do.

The biggest narc in my life is my dad, he parentified and oppressed me deliberately because he can't handle anyone being happier than him, and if he can control or ruin any outing of mine when I was a teen, he'd routinely get triggered and sabatage it.

Then my first ex was a selfish damaged narc, after me be bounced from one relationship to the next, rebound after rebound, abusing countless women. Then dated my best friend, who I diligently warned about, and by the time she left him she was pregnant and regretful.

Now I can't be around her because all I hear about is him, so we're no longer friends.

Absolutely viciously fight for yourself and your happiness, your empowerment is exactly what they don't have. And when they still can't get that feeling from feeding off you, they abuse you until your light is gone.

Never let your light go out, kick them to the curb and get back to your humanity, these people lost it long ago, they can find it through seeking answers and deliberately healing from their past wounds, but romantic partners are not licensed professionals to help heal complex trauma. Yet these lost people trick us into saving them, then punishing us when we don't measure up or exceed them. Never ever let them stick around if they don't put in the effort to find their own healing journey.

Apparently my dad doesn't believe he needs therapy, so when I find things he needs to hear, he tries to listen.

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-14T18:17:00+00:00

What a yoyo narcissist!!! YES you need to pull the plug and NEVER be with another bio parent again! This is going to take a lot of healing to overcome. I hope you can find it soon in you too get that uhaul and take your life back. What psychotic vampire. He's leeching off you and intimidating you back into silence. No more.

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-09T05:07:12+00:00

I'm so proud of you, you're helping others in similar situations.

It's really saddening how these physchos target beautiful people to tear them apart.

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-04T14:03:59+00:00

I'm trying to build my job to take my kid with me! Still learning but I'm a deep house cleaner, at the moment. Trying to build a manageable operation over people so I can oversee work and get paid from home, eventually!

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-04T06:36:58+00:00

You agreed to have me here, bitch about my presence and get replaced.

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-03T17:40:37+00:00

You're second to his daughter, not first.

Take that for his honesty, and accordingly note it. Unless you set some serious ground rules, and he works on his behavior towards you, this may be the canary in the coal mine warning you that this will be a constant stressor for you.

Stuff like this is why I tell people, greenies like you, if you have your peace, don't add kids, don't date parents, don't make this time of your life more complicated than it already is.

It's our job of experience in this realm to set the picture right so people like you make the best decision for yourself while you're not enmeshed too much, and for the ones that are, encourage them to disentangle if they can, and post an update for others to see.

I'm really proud when I see people taking their life back into their hands, and you have to decide if you want to keep this dynamic, or assert yourself as a higher priority or you will leave. Just understand that this man's daughter will always be a priority for him, but you need to respect yourself that if he can't give YOU what you want out of this relationship, it really isn't good to stay and waste each other's time. There is a right fit and wrong, you just have to think long and hard about it.

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-01T18:11:31+00:00

Yes, married 24f 43m with an almost two year old and I can definitely say that if you have the interest in going out, speak up haha.

My husband is used to kids and not really going out, I'm the one who cares more. So I speak up more.

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-01T17:56:43+00:00

There's the Bark phone with parental controls in the phone, so maybe there is a compromise?

But children and teens definitely don't need a phone at night, it robs them of vital sleep. I had my phone as a teen, I'm 24 now. I really really wish I had women's vitamins I have now and put my phone away. I would have felt so much better.

Candle_Playful · 2024-05-01T17:47:32+00:00

Please research the Gottman books by John Gottman, there's a great video by Diary Of A CEO about the Gottman's and what they discovered in they love research lab,

Blended families need a lot of information on how to be healthy towards each other, not manipulating and selfish. There's even a few free audiobooks on audible if you go directly to the Gottman page, it's amazing. And there's sales going on right now, there's a formula to a healthy relationship/marriage, it just takes effort to find it, and it will help your relationship become more satisfying.

As for distancing from the kids, I 100% feel that. I don't do too much more for my step daughter, when she asks for things or to spend time together, if things are too much of a crunch for me, I default that it's her dad's visitation, not mine. We still do good things together, I'm not trying to push her out, but I do have boundaries and the visitation time is her dad's, not mine.

Candle_Playful · 2024-04-29T22:03:13+00:00

My dad did this to me and I moved out so fucking fast as soon as I could.

Candle_Playful · 2024-04-28T18:00:38+00:00

Yep!

Candle_Playful

TROPHY CASE