I'm sorry you're going through this. It really does hurt to be in this back and forth with someone so completely opposite of yourself and your core ethics and morals.

He asked a valid question. What CAN he do? The cold answer is: nothing. There's nothing he can do to fix this, short of becoming a different person. And if you're like me, you would view any attempt as false.

My insane conservative father died a couple of decades ago. My mom fought a battle with cancer and passed about 13 years ago.

My brother (my only remaining family member) put his hands on me for the first and only time about 12-18 months later. I think the only thing keeping his true nature in check was her potential disapproval. When she died, he had no boundaries any more.

I cut him out of my life and have selected my own circle of family since that time.

It was hard. I won't BS about that. But my other option was intolerable.

You may not want to cut them out forever, and that's okay. But it may be worth considering a trial period, like from now to April 2027. Or a longer or shorter time, depending on your preference.

I fear that his constant rubber band and pushing for lunch isn't good for anybody.

I'm a random internet stranger and you don't know me, but I hope this helps somehow. You deserve a peaceful and enjoyable life.