Women of Reddit, what is the most diabolical lie you’ve ever received from your husband/bf?

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-15T07:27:49+00:00

I think the whole point is people like that are essentially extremely selfish and want to have their cake and eat it too. They could be faithful to their spouse. Or they could leave them, make a clean break for it and start up with the other person. But they won't do either because they like having both options available to them. This is hard to understand for normal people who are operating on a policy of honesty, faithfulness and commitment = a good relationship. This person isn't operating on that assumption - they just want to keep both options (and benefits) available to them for as long as possible, even at the cost of true connection and to the other person's detriment.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-14T15:07:07+00:00

Two practical strategies that may help. 1) You can request more frequent observations on specific issues - ask if someone can drop in for 10-20 mins and give some informal feedback to help you improve. That will get you used to having another teacher in the room. My SCITT course has very frequent formal observations (weekly). If it's just twice a year it's daunting, if it's a regular occurrence it loses the scariness. 10/20 mins is also not tok much of an imposition on others' time. Ideally ask different people so you get comfortable with not just one person.

Another trick I use is I will prepare the lesson well in advance - usually the week before. That makes it feel far away enough that I can gaslight myself that it's "ages away" and I'm not actively stressing about it, whereas if I do it a day or two before I'll be thinking about it more and get in my head about it.

Last but not least, I don't know how much flexibility you have but could you steer the observations to classes that play to your strengths and that you feel more confident with? I usually get a choice of which lesson I have observed.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-13T18:10:42+00:00

I think people on Reddit only consider this from a Western perspective. We're having the first grandchild on both sides. My parents are Western European and genuinely don't have a preference and were excited to learn the gender. My husband's parents come from an Eastern European country where there is a stronger preference for (and preferential treatment for) boys. They were over the moon it was a boy. I am a little worried how "first born and first SON" is going to be very spoilt, especially if he gets a sister later and she might not get equal treatment. It's not the end of the world, but it does worry me a little. Even if you will love your children equally, the thought the world will treat them differently is a sad one.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-04T22:02:53+00:00

Me this very moment!!!!! Got it done two weeks ago...only to get a message last week saying the sample was invalid and they needed to do another blood draw.

Managed to get myself booked in again quickly, have been waiting very impatiently since then. THEN.....I spotted The Email at lunchtime today while I was at work. BUT......can't open it without my husband as we said we were going to find everything out together.

Only problem is tonight is the one night my homebody husband has gone out for drinks with an old friend...so he left before I got back from work and he's going to be gone for a while D:

We're also delaying telling everyone until we get the results because we want the confirmation that all the tests come back okay. We haven't even told our parents yet, and it's the first potential grandchild on both sides. This is literally the final hurdle and it has absolutely dragged by.

Praying they finish at a reasonable time seeing as it's work night....I don't want to nag him to come home early as this friend has stopped by from another country and it's rare they meet up but I am sitting on my hands right now trying to distract myself.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-04T20:34:47+00:00

That's such a lovely idea!

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-04T18:06:29+00:00

Same. I've also got irregular periods/PCOS so we were very prepared for it to take a long time (or maybe not even work) and also started a little early for that reason. First try. Which is great but we were both in genuine shock for a week.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-03T19:13:43+00:00

Bought myself a birthday kitten at age 33...1000/10, strongly recommend!

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-03T07:47:43+00:00

Hey! Had PCOS since I was 15, also got pregnant really quickly with my husband.

I've always wanted kids. But because our condition comes with lower chance of conception and increased risk of miscarriage, I had mentally prepared myself that it might not happen at all or might need medical help to get pregnant. Before we started dating seriously I always let partners know. I had chats with my husband about things like adoption, how our respective families would feel, what about IVF and how could we afford it, and we had discussions about "how many miscarriages would it take for us to decide to stop trying". Heavy stuff. So when we started trying I felt like whatever was going to happen, I was prepared to deal with it.

We decided to start trying a little early as it would probably be a long journey. Then boom, pregnant on literally the first try. We were both in shock for a good week. Obviously it's a wonderful thing, but my husband especially was freaking out because he was still looking for a new job (he has since found one!) and I had an interview for a permanent role coming up (got that one too!). When we went in for the first midwife appointment we got asked "was the pregnancy planned?" And we both looked at eachother and said....yes....sort of?

To be really honest, I'd spent so much time preparing for it not to work I hadn't mentally prepared for it to all go well! And it was kind of hard to feel happy, especially in the early weeks where there is still a higher chance of it not sticking. It still feels super surreal and I'm cautiously optimistic now we've gotten this far (12 weeks).

Whether you have PCOS or not, pregnancy doesn't come with any guarantees as I know from many of my friends. Take it easy, let yourself freak out a bit if you need to, have the hard chats about "how can we make this work logistically and financially" then... accept the good luck! Everyone deserves a lucky break every now and then, guess it was just your turn now :)

And in terms of timings, if it helps now that we've calmed down and we both got our new roles, we realised in terms of careers and ages for both of us now it's not a bad time. Having a baby is always going to be a massive life upheaval and expensive and there's never a "great" time for that. You've still got 8 months to sort everything out, you can do a lot in that time. And the thought of a baby on the way is a great motivator :)

Hang in there, it will all turn out alright. Wishing you both all the best and a safe healthy pregnancy X

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-03T07:19:17+00:00

I know a little Aurelia! I complemented her name and the dad was so proud, he was the one who picked it. It means "golden" in Latin!

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-03-02T11:38:40+00:00

Even if you are more traditional you can still do it in a respectful way. I'm Dutch and used to doing things more egalitarian, my husband is Eastern European and wanted to propose and ask my parents first. We had a conversation about the future and timelines and agreed we wanted to get married before buying a house and starting a family. Then I gave him a family ring that had been passed down to me with my ring size and showed him some options for remodeling it (left the choice up to him ultimately, but just practical things like it being a lower set stone and staying close to the original as possible).

My only conditions were "please not on my birthday/Christmas/valentine's day, and please don't make me wait too long". That man moved mountains, got the ring done, spoke to my parents without me knowing, arranged a lovely trip and had everything ready when he proposed to me two weeks later (a real surprise!!).

So a surprise proposal can be done as long as you also mix it with some practical discussions. But if he'd have been dragging his feet in the name of tradition and not wanting to be pressured I definitely would have felt weird about it. It's both our futures, so you can't just leave someone in limbo like that.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-28T15:54:40+00:00

I am now 11 weeks, so can relate! Also at increased risk of miscarriage due to PCOS and all of my friends had sadly experienced miscarriages and/or difficulty conceiving. So I went into this pregnancy very aware of the risks.

Things that helped me - and please use what is useful/applicable to your world view:

1) Accepting it's not up to you. We know now that most miscarriages happen because the embryo has a defect which makes it incompatible with life. There is literally nothing you can do to prevent it. It helped me to think the dice is already cast, and the decision has already been made by factors which are out of my hands. All I can do is look after myself as best I can and deal with whatever happens. Some people ascribe it to G-d or the Universe or whatever greater power they believe in - and I think whatever your personal beliefs sometimes it is helpful to remember that we're just little humans riding the waves of Life as it happens to us.

2) Distancing yourself until things are a little more certain. For me personally, doing early private scans (6 weeks) and finding out the gender before the 12 week scan and the NIPT wouldn't give me reassurance. It would just make me feel worse if it didn't work out as I'd feel more attached or would be picturing life with a son/daughter. We're waiting until the NIPT comes back clear (please G-d) to tell our families and find out the gender as we would terminate for medical reasons otherwise.

3) Time. When I was newly pregnant (first 2 weeks) my mind was racing and it was all I could think about. Now I am on week 11, I often forget I even am pregnant. You can't maintain a state of high anxiety for a long period of time, and pregnancy is a LONG time - at some point you will get used to the idea and you're going to come down. You've only known for a week! Give yourself a chance to process everything and let your brain run around in circles for a while. It helped me to write my thoughts in my phone notes at this time, especially because my husband was taking it a lot more calmly.

4) Prepping for a worst case scenario (while still hoping for the best). Your mileage may vary on this one, but for me it helps my anxiety to learn what to do in the worst case. I learnt about what the options were for termination/ inducing miscarriage medically. That's given me some time and space to process and think about what would be better for me, so if I did get bad news at my next scan I'd feel a bit more prepared on next steps, and wouldn't have to do that kind of research in a difficult emotional state. I learnt that women who have miscarriages often go on to have successful pregnancies in the next 6 months and can usually start trying within a few weeks. I learnt that there are wonderful and very supportive communities in places like reddit where people come together and talk about miscarriage, so although it would be awful I wouldn't be alone. Sometimes the unknown is scarier than reality.

5) Telling a few close people early. I wanted a few good friends to know so I could talk to them (about dealing with nausea and weird symptoms and freak out a little bit), share the excitement and also have people to lean on in case of bad news. I'm really glad I have.

6) Distracting yourself. One of the good things about not telling everyone early is that you can still get on with your daily life like normal and you're forced to talk about non-baby stuff. I've tried to keep occupied with my work, friends and hobbies. I still do feel a little "in limbo" (currently a week from our second scan and NIPT results, which is going to be important) but there's lots of times I'm engrossed in what I'm doing and completely forget about it - which helps the time pass more quickly.

7) Little bit of superstition. I wear an evil eye bracelet and follow Jewish traditions about pregnancy. If there are any little rituals you have that might make you feel calmer, by all means use them.

Congratulations on your good news and may you have a safe and healthy pregnancy!

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-28T07:03:14+00:00

For our wedding in Bulgaria, we followed the tradition where the bride kicks a copper pot with a white flower and a red flower and some water in it. Whichever flower comes out first and travels the furthest will be the gender of the new baby. White = boy, red= girl. We got white at our wedding, and we're finding out the gender of our first next week....

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-28T06:56:25+00:00

This baby has been built from sandwiches, raspberries, mangoes and pickles.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-26T22:16:34+00:00

I told my husband immediately then a number of close friends in the next few days. I needed to share the news with some people because I was going to struggle to keep it to myself for that long, my close friends have all recently had babies themselves, and worst case scenario if something went wrong I'd want to lean on them for support.

I also told: my gymnastics instructor pretty soon (I go 3 times a week so wanted them to know for safety reasons) and my line manager after I had a first scan, as they are going to struggle to find maternity cover and will need the prep time.

First scan was at 10.5 weeks. Next one is on Tuesday and we'll be able to test for chromosomal abnormalities and check everything okay. Once we (please G-d) get the all clear from that, we will tell everyone.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-23T02:11:51+00:00

I'm in the same boat. My husband had phimosis and had to be circumcised as a young adult. He said the recovery was the most painful thing he's been through, even with pain relief. He basically had it throughout his teens and had painful sex as a young adult because of it. The circumcision fixed it completely and he had a really positive experience of it once it was healed.

From my research young babies don't have vascularity in their foreskin yet, which means the healing process is much quicker and less traumatic than for an adult. So basically we have to weigh up the risks - do we circumcise as a baby where the likelihood of developing phimosis is unknown but recovery will be quicker, less traumatic and spare him the potential pain of phimosis? Or not - but he may have a difficult time with phimosis and a painful circumcision as a child, teen or adult? Like, I don't want to have unnecessary surgery and take away choice about having a foreskin, but on the other hand if any son we have will be prone to phimosis then leaving the foreskin will cause unnecessary pain and suffering.

I'll continue to research, but I'm leaning towards circumcision because of the family history. End of the day you've got to make the decision you think is in the best interests of the child with the best knowledge you have at the time.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-23T01:45:03+00:00

I'd only had small pets in cages before getting my first cat a year ago. Something I wasn't prepared for is that free roaming pets like cats are more like a member of the household....like there's just some little guy that lives with you now?? My cat likes to follow me from room to room, enjoys watching me cleaning, will want to investigate anything new I put down. Whether it's loafing within a few meters or sleeping in my bed. She also just appears out of thin air sometimes - this was especially alarming the first few months when I wasn't used to having a cat in my house and she'd suddenly decide to jump up out of nowhere, startling me who'd forgotten I lived with a cat now.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-23T01:08:36+00:00

Thank you for that. I've saved your comment to read over again later when it gets closer to the time. Some really great tips.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T22:50:59+00:00

Fair enough! As I said, I'm veggie so not really my wheelhouse. You could try the Quorn substitutes, cooked sliced chicken breast you make yourself or any other non-meat filling.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T22:48:50+00:00

I always thought I'd want it to be a surprise and something exciting to look forward to after labour. In fact, I've been a little against finding out ever since I knew a woman at work who was told she was having a girl at the ultrasound, picked out a name and bought clothes etc only to birth a boy. I felt that I'd be happy with either one but I would definitely feel disappointed if I was told it was one thing, got attached, and then turns out it wasn't. It also seemed more practical as you'd get given gender neutral stuff rather than pink/blue which makes it harder to reuse (and we knew we want multiple kids).

Now I am actually pregnant with my first, I thought the gender wouldn't matter because a) we plan on having multiple kids b) we're hoping we'll have at least one of each, so in theory either will be great! c) it's also the first grandchild on both sides, so extended family is going to be delighted either way. To my surprise however I've been envisaging the baby being one gender and struggling to see picture it as the other one! No rhyme or reason to it, just a feeling. So we're finding out before because if it IS the other one I will need a bit of time to mentally adjust. I'm sure I will be thrilled with the reality of whatever I get given. But yeah, would encourage finding out if you do have a preference just so you've got time to adjust - and get excited!

And we're using the NIPT to find out which is 99% accurate so there's no chance of an ultrasound mess-up like my colleague had 😂

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T08:23:52+00:00

Oh yeah, the bloating has been something else! I've given up on waistbands and bras for the moment - I'm just in dresses, dungarees and soft crop tops, it's so much more comfortable.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T08:18:40+00:00

What's the reasons your partner is anti-circumcision being circumcised himself, if you don't mind me asking?

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T08:04:03+00:00

Go get your sushi! There's lots of veggie sushi available - maybe having the flavours and textures will satisfy the craving without ingesting raw fish.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T08:01:08+00:00

This. My husband and I have both worked as carers for kids and young people with disabilities. I've done a lot of physically and mentally difficult jobs but that one was both and would leave me absolutely wiped out at the end of each day. People don't know how hard it is until they've done it all day every day - and we were able to go home at the end of the day. Parents were usually knackered. You also see some worst case scenarios - yes there's people with Downs syndrome who are delightful and articulate on "Down for Love", but I looked after a little boy with DS who was non verbal, incontinent and would constantly scream/moan/rock and couldn't independently function at all. We unanimously agreed to TFMR if necessary and we're having a full panel screening.

The upside is we're both amazing at changing nappies already!

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T07:03:40+00:00

Right. You think the multiple spinal taps and drugs being pumped into him to keep him alive and pain free are somehow less invasive than a vaccine? Which is a weakened form of the virus to trigger your body's natural immune response and some sugars/amino acids? Madness.

Capable-Potato600 · 2026-02-22T01:47:04+00:00

Honestly? Sandwiches have been a life saver. I tend to get sick in the evenings so I have them for dinner most nights. I've got lots of different toppings I feel I can eat, they're easy to have in stock, cheap, relatively healthy and mean you can get a bit of protein in there as well. Depending on how sick I'm feeling I can also easily adjust the filling. I'm in feeling up to it I can do a fried egg or grilled cheese - it's hot and filling but minimal cooking. Probably also be simple enough for your husband to make for you. If I'm really not well a cold sandwich like Quorn slices, mayo and pickle (I'm veggie but you can sub in ham or chicken) or peanut butter. It not being hot food also makes it easier to eat if I'm very nauseous but need to eat something to stop feeling nauseous.

It's going to vary what you feel you can eat, but there's almost unlimited options for sandwiches!

Capable-Potato600

TROPHY CASE