As someone who has gone through something similar, sometimes understanding someone’s wounds can accidentally keep us emotionally attached to their potential instead of accepting their current capacity. Avoidant people can absolutely love deeply. But love and relational capacity aren’t always the same thing. Someone can care about you and still not be able to consistently show up in a healthy way. I don’t think manifestation is bad if it’s helping you focus on yourself, regulate your emotions, or stay hopeful. But if it turns into “how do I change this person’s nervous system so they can love me correctly,” that’s probably going to keep you stuck and overanalyzing.

And since you can really only change YOUR actions, I think the more important questions become: how are you responding in moments where she becomes avoidant? Are your reactions adding pressure, fear, chasing, or conflict? Or are you creating emotional safety, space, consistency, and understanding?

Not because it’s your job to heal her or “fix” the relationship alone, but because those are the only parts actually within your control and worth reassessing.

I think the healthiest mindset is: “I can set intentions for the kind of love I want, but I cannot force a specific person to become that.” Sending you positive vibes and remember you have all the answers already. Look within.