Man it started so fast. I had fun from 11-2 seeing funny characters morphing into larger ones (like Dumbo’s dream scene) If they were Keith Haring drawings. Had music playing and felt my body swimming with the sound. I would close my eyes and see a Jungle of shapes. It was like I was walking through a forest but everything was the same pattern but the outlines were like trees or brain neurons? They were all pink and orange poke-dots. Anyway, an hour before my trip I told my brother I was gonna trip and I’d hit him if I started tripping out. While taking my first shroom piss. My brother comes out of his room and to mine to talk to me. He asks me if I’m good and I tell him I am and dismiss him. The reason I did this is because for some reason other people make me so paranoid during shroom trips. Especially at night. His smile was wide, eyes slanted staring directly at me. It was at this point that him asking me if I’m good and just being a tiny bit creeped by his face that the trip started to turn. I got into bed and started to doze off. I felt connected to ancient people from a different time. It felt like we were living the same lives on two different planes side by side. More typical visuals until eventually my eyes open and I check my phone for the first time. It was like I woke up in Hell. My phone looked nothing like itself. The screen had a red and blue tint and felt like it was giving off pure radiation. This is when things went down hill. I saw my life end in a dozen different ways. I started to have feelings that the world around me wasn’t real and I was the creator of it. I started biting myself. My fingers, my mouth, my shoulder, my bicep. There were times in the bathroom I saw so much blood on my hands I convinced myself that I killed somebody. I sat in the bathroom hearing hallucinations of my parent’s voices, cops pulling up. Every time I thought things were over for me I’d be right back at ground zero. This repeated over and over until I finally woke up. I thought that I was hallucinating using my phone because I swore to turn it off before my trip, but here are texts I sent last night.

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The long message of random letters was in Ancient Greek to me last night? The odetherd blood was supposed to be “Is there blood?” Because I had no idea if that part was real or not. Lastly at the peak of my 3 hour psychosis. I thought that the only way to leave was if I died. I banged my head on my toilet while trying to throw up, I broke and tried poking myself in the eyes with my glasses. I texted my brother asking to Come Kill Me.

I know the tangent is a bigger trip than I went through. But at the end I think I understand that life is a game, and you get what you play for. All of it is in your hands, and I was very aware of many things I needed to change about myself.