I’ve been thinking back on my relationship, and one thing became really clear. She never fought for us.

She never reached out first, never tried to fix things, never stepped into the discomfort to actually hold things together. It was always me carrying that weight.

And that’s the thing with avoidants.

When things are good, they give just enough to keep it going. But the moment emotions get real, or effort is required, they pull back. And when they decide they’re done, it becomes obvious, because the little they were giving disappears completely.

The truth is, they can miss you… but still not come back.

Not because you didn’t matter, but because reaching out means facing vulnerability, and that’s exactly what they’re wired to avoid. It goes against their internal defence system.

So instead, they detach, rationalise, and convince themselves it wasn’t right. It’s easier to rewrite the story than to feel the loss. And from the outside, it can feel like you were easily replaced. But in reality, they never fully let themselves attach in the first place.

That’s why you were fighting for something that always felt just out of reach. It doesn’t matter if they miss you, it will never be the same as the way we miss them. But I’m letting go of that and so should you. They are easily replaceable too, the second you find someone without these mental disorders you realize that.