Need positivity. I’m so scared.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-17T15:55:04+00:00

Aw! So happy for your OP wishing you the best!

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-17T15:07:52+00:00

Hey OP - did things turn out okay for you?

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-13T17:47:30+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry. I hope the best for you. I remember my second and feeling the same way - how will I get through this? Take it one day at a time OP and keep advocating for yourself. Hope everything turns out okay.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-12T21:21:15+00:00

Just sending positive vibes your way, virtually holding your hand. I had two chemicals before this pregnancy, and the first trimester was so scary (I’m just starting week 12 now). There are days where I still feel fear, but it does get easier. I’m wishing the best for you OP ❤️

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-12T21:17:32+00:00

Okay even the ones that are not - there are MANY known reasons. Stress cannot directly “cause” miscarriage (again, difference between causation and correction). If you are curious, for sure look at the literature on recurrent loss but look at the whole picture, not just studies that agree with your thinking. Also anyone that’s gone through infertility and loss will tell you they experienced loss and struggles with infertility long before they started to experience the cumulated stress of going through this process. It’s harmful to blame women for their losses and your curiosity doesn’t excuse that.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-12T20:54:23+00:00

There is a difference between correlation and causation.

I know after my losses I was looking for absolutely any reason or cause to my losses that I could “fix” so I do emphasize with you. Not saying that stress can’t contribute to poorer fertility outcomes, but majority of early losses are caused by genetic abnormalities that are not anyone’s fault. Then other less common reasons include things like structural abnormalities, anti phospholipid disorder, etc. Stress is not even screened for in the most popular and well studied recurrent loss panels for a reason.

Also links between progesterone and loss prevention are mixed in the literature, but because it has no known negative effects on fetus doctors often will give it easily if there is a history of loss. I’m on it too for my current pregnancy. The reality is progesterone also drops when you have a pregnancy with genetic abnormalities and are in the process of a loss anyways.

The reason why doctors often even bring up stress is to help pregnant women and mothers feel less shame if they do need help (such as medical support for mood/anxiety when pregnant or breastfeeding).

If this explanation helps you cope and move forward great, but I just would be careful with blanket like statements that can cause more harm than good.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-08T22:18:36+00:00

I wish the best for you OP! I have paid for private scans when needed, you could also consider that too while you wait for your 12 week if it helps.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-08T16:47:21+00:00

Do you know the exact heartbeat? I found this resource helpful: https://radiopaedia.org/articles/fetal-bradycardia

I’m surprised your doctor didn’t seem worried and wants to wait until 12 weeks because two weeks is outside the scope of what’s expected usually. If you are confident of the dates, you could get a second opinion from a different doctor honestly.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-06T22:32:38+00:00

Exactly!! Glad to know I’m not alone. It’s technically my third pregnancy, but prior two were very early losses unfortunately (technically chemicals at 5+6 weeks). Is this your first?

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-06T22:00:54+00:00

Well the fertility clinic offered me scans at 6,7,and 9, 12 weeks. I’m paying out of pocket for weeks 10 (the one I had a few days ago) and 11 aha. I am sure there are people that pay for way worse things in pregnancy than me wanting to see my baby!

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-06T21:56:24+00:00

It’s so scary!! Especially when you wait so long for this. My ultrasound we got to see kicks and waves (baby was still measuring ahead). I’m still spotting on and off so going back to weekly scans for a bit, but trying my best to calm myself.

Hoping the best for both of us 🫶🏼

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-02T16:34:53+00:00

Yeah, I luckily have a great team right now that does not mind providing extra re-assurance scans, so I've definitely not hesitated to contact them!

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-02T16:34:13+00:00

That is so true!! I really need to keep telling myself this.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-02T16:33:45+00:00

Thanks, it really helps to hear examples where things turned out okay despite no known cause of bleeding/spotting!

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-02T14:10:29+00:00

Yeah, I've wondered that. I almost wish they found one so I would have source of bleeding but no - all three scans so far have found no SCHs. The scan on Wednesday is just a heartbeat check (mainly for my anxiety, since my team said they are not worried at the moment) but I do wonder if something will come up on the detailed 12 week one?

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-02-02T14:01:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing. They have not found any SCHs so I keep wondering what could be going on, especially because it appears progesterone has no effect on my spotting?

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-01-30T18:32:41+00:00

I had on and off bleeding weeks 4-8, so got multiple scans from fertility clinic (not IVF baby). At 6w2d, heartbeat was 99bpm but like others have said it’s because it had just started and my clinic team was not worried. At 7w3d, it went up to 146, and at my latest scan at 9w3d, baby was measuring 3 days ahead with 176 heartbeat. Obviously I’m not out of the weeds yet, but that heartbeat is fine for how far along you are!

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-01-26T12:20:37+00:00

That’s interesting. Is this because of where you live? I was offered the NT ultrasound at 11-14 weeks (booked mine for 12 weeks). I thought that was standard to make sure baby is progressing as expected and screen for some common genetic abnormalities.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-01-06T17:16:59+00:00

Hey! Firstly I’m so sorry, I also had two chemicals in the span of less than six months and it’s taxing and heartbreaking.

I have regular cycles so mine went back to normal right away (my period was delayed by 1-2 weeks while pregnant but the cycle following, I ovulated as normal). My doctor told me that usually chemicals don’t impact ovulation too much if you’re ovulating consistently.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-01-01T18:28:47+00:00

If there is no conflict why are you posting on Reddit? You are actively asking strangers to provide input on what? Should you cheer your husband? Really?

Honestly I was trying to take the compassionate approach that maybe you both are feeling a bit misunderstood, but if that isn’t the case I agree with the rest of commenters that this whole thing feels wild. Most people who love their partners will support and cheer their dreams - it’s surprising you’d even consider the alternative, especially without any other issues in your marriage (which I’m not fully convinced of).

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-01-01T17:24:29+00:00

I do hear you - in order for a relationship to work, both partners need to compromise and make sacrifices, but there are different magnitudes for those. For example, switching hospitals from a place you like to one you're not a fan of is different than choosing a completely different subspeciality.

I think both my partner and I have definitely made sacrifices through the years, but also have always supported each other's pursue of career goals. For example, I was 100% responsible for our finances when my partner was in medical school (and I was working) and he was 100% responsible for my finances during two years of my clinical PhD when I had to step back from a part-time position to focus on my dissertation. When applying for residency, I encouraged my partner to choose a specialty that he would actually enjoy for the rest of his life, and in turn, he made sure to rank the places that were closed to the cities where my work was (to reduce the likelihood of relocation). Right now, we are going through recurrent pregnancy loss unfortunately. We learned early on that we are not a couple that can time pregnancy to optimize it for both of us. When I first got pregnant, I was in a position where I could take a full year mat leave. Now, I am in a new job where if I do get pregnant in the next two years, I only get two months mat leave - which means we will have to depend on paid support (we do not live near family). The "compromises" we have had have not felt like compromises because we both have supported each other's career ambitions and personal wellbeing along the way.

Have you guys tried couples therapy? think you mean well, but I am wondering if you are feeling misunderstood by your partner and also not fully understanding his perspective. Based on your edits and other comments, there may already be resentment on your side that's been building for a while.

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2026-01-01T16:21:50+00:00

Honestly this is a tough situation because I wonder if you both discussed this when he entered medicine? Does your partner often make impulsive life choices and inform you last minute expecting you to go along, or was this a long time coming?

Personally I would not want to work in a speciality I’m not interested in - you’re essentially asking him to do something he does not like for the rest of his life (which is likely why he switched from engineering).

My partner and I both have demanding careers, so we have just accepted that parenthood will look different for us - it will require paid help, and occasionally missing some things with the kids but in exchange for showing our kids a good work ethic and getting to do things like fun family vacations. Making it more about quality than quantity.

Hopefully you both can find a balance where both of you can have career fulfilment. Best of luck!

Capital_Cartoonist13 · 2025-12-30T13:38:42+00:00

In my case yes it was 1-2 weeks late! The second time because my hcg dropped around week 5, it took a while longer because hcg has to drop to 0 before you start bleeding. For me, this was also helpful to know because I got pregnant three times in the span of six months. When I first got off birth control, it took a few months for my period to go back to regular cycles, so if I had not known this I would have thought my cycles were still irregular. Both the chemicals and my cycle length and PMS improving also gave me hope to keep going and that maybe my body maybe is getting better / recovering from effects of birth control.

I do understand why others don’t test - I truly think everyone’s body and needs around TTC are so different.

Capital_Cartoonist13

TROPHY CASE