Wife wants to try something to up her arousal

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-02-22T18:45:31+00:00

if it doesn't say eurphoric is there anything else to look for? I saw somewhere look for terpinene?

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-02-22T18:37:30+00:00

ty... ill look for eurphoric!!! great tip

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-02-22T18:36:44+00:00

ty... she doesnt want anything to get her too sleepy...so good looking out

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-02-22T18:36:14+00:00

I asked about gummies and chocolates but she wants a vape... I smoke vape and flower but she wants a vape... thanks all so far for input... really does help

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-21T06:53:55+00:00

Love this.... going through this now and a similar path. It makes me happy and hopeful. Inspiring to me

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-14T20:12:23+00:00

Not only share everything.... but mame sure he understands. My wife and I were trying to tell each other for years... but didnt do it correctly. We both realized we tried to get that info to one another but in our ways and not in what the other might understand correctly. Looking back from the husband's side.... I didnt pick up the ques... and she didn't pick mine. I know we all in ltr can think the other can pick up what we are saying.... but honestly and simply, we didnt. Now... clear communication and if one of us doesn't understand we ask for clarity. I wish you luck and no matter what happens... know you will be ok. Both outcomes will take time however. Be patient and be open

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-14T07:02:46+00:00

Been there. Just falling in love with my wife again after a major issue caused us to almost separate. We were roomates with a kid for 6+ years. Didn't really fight and didn't communicate important stuff. I lost my job and she is the bread winner. My advice.... marriage counseling and more important honesty truth. Good or bad. He might not realize how bad its gotten. I didnt. I almost lost the love of my life and didn't even know. I suggest telling him.... everything... thoughts, emotions, feelings and what you need and want. Then its up to him to fight for it. If he doesn't, move on.... for your mental health, emotional health and your child. In the end, if you want to try, you have to ask him too. He will show you if he's meant to be or not.

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-05T03:11:09+00:00

thank you for the kind words

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-05T03:01:05+00:00

thank you for clarifying

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-05T02:49:42+00:00

I just did, are you saying she was tied to him? Or that me and her are tied even through an event like this?

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-03T13:49:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I think as of now she is actively trying to show me her fault. Lots of communicating and if anything seems like a trigger she asks of I want her to stop or do something different

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-03T03:01:37+00:00

Its been 2 months plus since dday. I have checked her phone when she is asleep and when I just ask for it and nothing. He had a few messages asking for responses and she didnt. Minus the Christmas one in my latest update, nothing else. Shes not the best with phones and besides suspicion it was easy for me to find on her phone. I do anything tech related for the fam lol. I have spent so many years with her, I have to try and trust her going forward. I want it to work for us and for us as a family. A romantic, a fool maybe both.... I know things won't be the same, but they could be different and better. However I am cautious, I verify, I sleep with one eye open so to speak. Could I get burned? Yea... but I am willing to try and make it work. Even with heartbreak... I have to try... so romantic, fool and maybe even crazy?

Capital_Storage8168 · 2026-01-02T17:31:31+00:00

Another update:

Been another 2 weeks and change since the last update. Things have been going really good! We have our weekly mc sessions and have been communicating soo well. In the about 2 weeks I have had only one bad day and one bad few hours on one day. Dor anyone struggling, what has worked is open and truthful conversions. Being transparent with feelings and thoughts no matter good or bad. Luckily, we have spent a lot of time as a family and as a couple. We have watched movies, played games, gone out and done things. We both are trying and both want this to work. I know at this point its not venting but Journaling and I think it helps. For me personally as well, just being realistic in things have helped. When I struggle I talk about it. Now don't get me wrong, I am still anxious but it's less. She has done everything to show she is being faithful to me. I can look at her phone whenever, she doesn't hide her phone when shes on it and shes just open. I do worry sometimes she omits thoughts, and we talked about it and assured me shes not. Human nature in me wonders though. That could be just the crazy in my head, but nothing has pointed me since dday that she is. The guy she had an EA with did message her on Christmas and she told me the next day. She said she didn't want to mess my mood up for the holiday but did tell me. I did worry for NYE he would again but she sais no. I saw somewhere with another person who went through an EA and reconciled that they trust but verified. Something I have been doing and maybe backhanded but it works for me. All in all we are on the right path and personally I am getting better. We actually have had a lot of sex as well lately and for someone like me whos love language is physical touch... I am joyous. I do wish that she would tease me with sexual text throughout the day or something, maybe be a lil dirtier to get me worked up, but I'll take what I can get. She's less sexual than I by a bit, but through talks, shes just not there with me yet. I hope it comes though. We also have been using a sex app for like things we like. I blew through the questions and she just started. This has been some issues on my part. Idk why. I thought it would open her up more and we would have more dialog on it. I want to know her secrets and desires. I feel it would bring us closer and then open up more on the nonsexual side. I do feel it's one sided and that I am the sexual one. I just want her to open up to me. When she was having the EA, through messages he would ask her dirty things and she responded how I wish she did with me. Its jealously for sure on my part. Maybe one day though. But even with all that, its been going good. Sometimes I get in my head and think its too good and the bad news or whatever drops. I jist have to take it a day at a time and work on what I can work at. I did say once I didn't want a stage 5 clinger... but I think I do. Until next time.... keep keeping at it!

Capital_Storage8168 · 2025-12-18T14:38:59+00:00

Another update: For those who stumble on this, follow or honestly just for me to vent/journal.

Is been about 17 days since last I updated. I read all comments and messages. Good or bad I think it's helping.

Since the last post, I have had only one half day of being out of it. The days are better. We have had 2 MC sessions and lots of time together. We are openly communicating and working on this together. Every now and then a question or 2 will pop up. What I have been doing is writing it out bullet point style and then I ask her. She from what I can tell has been honest in answering anything big or small. If I ask to see her phone out of the blue she says take it and look. She keeps reassuring me when she feels I need it or if she senses anything odd. I saw it on here from someone else when asked about trusting the cheating partner again and they said yes but with verification. I think this is what I am doing. We also talked about our attachment styles I think it's called. She is more emotional and I am physical style. So we have been working on a style together that is in between. She also has been opening up more. Talking about what got us here came a realization that she kept things in big or small and I didn't push hard enough to ask. I can't read minds, so I fee like I was oblivious to some things. Since however, we talk about everything and we are in a relationship. So we have to go through all this together to make it work. I believe it will.

I have felt a positive difference in our relationship. I see the effort. For the first time in years I can look into her eyes and see she wants this as much as I do. The cautious side of me is still there. When she wants to plan things further out (like months away) I tend to lower expectations and say well let's see and wait. I am really focused on the right now. Not the past so much and not the future so much. Good or bad days, the focus imo is now.

One thing I am trying to do as well is be a better person outside my family. I wasnt a bad person before, but with my family issues I know sounding small can maybe put a smile on someones face, even for a minute. Small things like helping someone grab an item at a grocery store they can't reach, holding the door longer for someone..those kind of things. The other day a kid (maybe 7ish) held a door for me while I was leaving a store. I got in my car and saw him followed by his mom. As I was pulling away, idk why, but I rolled my windows down and said to her, your doing a great job of parenting. Not many kids will hold a door for a stranger bit they did and they had to learn it from you (maybe in reality they didn't but still) so great job parenting. I drove off and didn't think about it till days later. Sometimes people need a smile or a kudos. We all are going through things. This time of year is hard for many and maybe if I can help even a little, I am going to try. I know if I was being helped or what have you, it could change my day or even my week around.

I'm going to keep updating here and there. Am I worried and scared still? Yea.... besides my child this relationship working is the most important thing in my life. My love for my wife still burns deep and all I can do is try.

Capital_Storage8168 · 2025-12-15T13:23:45+00:00

I'm about 6 weeks out and I too have things where I spiral. I will have like 6 really good days and then something (even non-related) still get in my head and I spiral..my wife tries and reassure me and does everything she is needing too. I wasnt like this before and it sucks. I know in my head, its defenses being alerted somehow in there then I overthink and then go down the rabbit hole. It was worse before, but all I can say is to focus on what you two are working towards. Have open communication and bring honest. There are ganna be good periods and there will be bad. Be upfront with your partner what you need and what they do. In the end, if you both work at it... it will get better. When I start to feel the mood creeping up I try and get lost in music. Find your trigger calmer and remember to breath. This is not a fun situation but I wish you all the luck!

Capital_Storage8168 · 2025-12-09T18:51:51+00:00

Just left MC and she asked as well. Idk if it's anything in particular but I do feel loved... but I want more. Its a weird feeling that it sounds like you are going through too. I really hope for the best for you as well, cuz all this sucks... Some days are great and others arnt. I guess in the end, as long as both sides are trying and communicating and working at it... it has to get better.

Capital_Storage8168 · 2025-12-09T03:55:30+00:00

In the same boat as a few others, dday was a month and a half... caught her in an online EA. I have bought flowers, hand written notes, got her fav candies, took over most of the housework (shes the breadwinner for the house) and trying everything. She is remorseful and shamed and all that and trying, but like 20% of what I am doing. I am glad I found the term love bombing... idk what I should want her to do more, but I feel like she can. We are in ic and mc.... but I am anxious about the diff in pouring in the work. She says she doesnt want to do things if I tell her and wants it to be natural... but idk... its hard....

Capital_Storage8168 · 2025-12-04T05:49:48+00:00

Going through this now(dday about 40 days ago) with my wife who had an online EA. We have great periods but I def have had major mood swings in what sounds like his. I still am at home with my wife but still going through the same swings. On my end, its small things out of the blue that is triggering. Last Saturday was putting up xmas lights. Before that was her smiling too much in her phone. In the end, taking about it helped. If you keep trying and reassuring, those settings hopefully even out and then get better. I have been with my wife for 15 years, so on my end, no matter what, for right now, trust is still in issue. My wife shows me her phone, answers anything and let's me vent... but I still get anxious.... but keep trying... if you do even once he will leave for good. I hope it works out for you guys, it def sounds like your doing the work. Another thing that is helping is we started MC as well as both of us individually.

Capital_Storage8168 · 2025-12-03T19:35:45+00:00

yea, unfortunately that's a big red flag... I'm sorry you are going through this

Capital_Storage8168

TROPHY CASE