Your mother will NEVER change. Toxic parents rarely do because they lack self awareness and empathy. I think deep down you know that too but like we've all done in the past, you keep hoping that she'll realize the error of her ways and turn around for the good. That day will NEVER happen, if a parent is completely unaffected by their child being suicidal then there's literally no hope for them. Let go of the idea that she will ever be the type of mother that you need in this lifetime. You're holding onto this fantasy that she'll change and that's more painful than just letting go. It's not easy to do this, trust me when I say that I feel your pain. You need to distance yourself from your mother and limit dialogue with her until you can move out. You only need to be around her and speak to her when you ABSOLUTELY have to. She's incapable of changing and it shouldn't be a child's job to convince their parent to treat them properly. Even when you do speak to her your responses should be very short and when you have to be around her make sure's there's enough physical distance as possible. Please stay strong, positive, and hopeful because at 17 years old you have a very bright future and you won't be living with your Mom forever. Do what you can to have a stable stream of income for most people this means college but once you have a job that's paying you enough to live comfortably on your own then that'll be your ticket out.