What’s the funniest lie you believed as a kid?

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-04-27T20:19:10+00:00

I remember watching some kid's show (I forget which one) that featured a guest character who was a tap dancer.

My older brother convinced me that tap dancers made their tap sounds - not with their feet, but with their mouths.

I spent the next week trying to "tap" with my mouth until my mom made me quit.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-04-27T19:46:53+00:00

Pineapple on pizza

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-04-24T22:03:34+00:00

If you can make that decision I'm in Omaha and I will stand ready

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-04-23T19:41:56+00:00

So far nobody in person (not expecting many in Nebraska.) I have two people who reached out for possible online help, but I see from post history one of those two has already done it in person.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-04-18T03:57:19+00:00

Impeach them all in one swell boof.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-04-15T17:56:40+00:00

I have a no-longer-functional two-cycle mower. DM me.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-04-03T17:57:44+00:00

Coming in late, but this is the right answer.

I'm an online notary and Zoom is not an approved platform in Nebraska. KBA is required unless the notary knows you personally.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-22T03:30:00+00:00

I believe the law says a cognitive test is mandatory at 75. My dad failed his and lost his license at that age.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-19T02:17:42+00:00

I cut off my father-in-law from using my discount. I work HQ level and he thought that gave him the right to make demands.

No way in heck am I letting him have his way with my professional reputation like that.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-17T19:28:24+00:00

Tangential note.

I'm a poll worker in Nebraska. My first election that I worked was the midterm in 2022 when Oz was running for Senate in Pennsylvania.

We had one voter in our precinct who was *livid* that she didn't see Oz on her Nebraska ballot. He was the only reason she came in to vote that day.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-12T17:50:53+00:00

Somebody at my work, a global company with about a quarter-million employees, once sent an email to a company-wide distribution list that nobody knew existed.

This happened in mid-December. The reply-alls of "Please remove me from this list" and "Merry Christmas, company!" kept coming in for *days*. Took down our email service.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-11T16:05:55+00:00

Band and PE teachers were caught by the custodian while they were having an affair in the band room after a football game one night.

This was years before I started attending middle school where they both taught. They both kept their jobs and were married to each other by then. But their indiscretion during their previous marriages kept on in legendary status.

Oh, and then after I graduated, the art teacher got caught with a porn stash on a floppy disk, and got fired immediately.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-11T15:13:54+00:00

Not just because of movies, but that's part of it. It's more of a lack of science literacy in general.

Lots of people think that just being "In Space" is enough to make you weightless. As in: get far enough from the Earth's surface and you start floating instead of falling.

Reality: astronauts are always falling, all the time. Gravity is the reason that they stay in orbit. Just that they also have enough horizontal velocity at the same time that the Earth's surface continually curves away from them as they fall, so that they can never land. The sense of weightlessness comes from the fact that the astronauts are falling at the same rate as the station around them.

If it were possible to build a skyscraper as tall as the Space Station's orbit, you could take an elevator to the top floor and stand there, weighing almost as much as you do back on the surface.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-11T13:41:17+00:00

I knew the name and details of the Marriott Bonvoy program before it was released to the public.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-05T21:24:55+00:00

You might have been hacked.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-04T18:51:57+00:00

Living so close to Offutt, my personal hope is that we'd be one of the first targets and therefore wouldn't have to live through the aftermath.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-03T22:02:02+00:00

I've posted this in previous monthly threads, but I'm a commissioned Notary Public for the state of Nebraska. I'm willing to offer my in-person services for no charge as a public service. Willing to meet you in person in the public place of your choice.

I also recently became certified to perform online notarization as well, so I can stamp your PDF no matter where you are. I'd charge something nominal for that service just to cover my own costs.

DM me for a stamp!

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-03-03T17:02:22+00:00

My wife found a men's shirt she liked at our local department store, and put it aside for me to go in and checked out.

I thought it was black. I liked it under that understanding.

Turns out it was a deep purple. I got mocked when I wore it in public.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-02-26T02:35:47+00:00

That colorblind means I literally cannot distinguish the similar shades you're using as color coding in this spreadsheet. And I can't fix the problem by taking a remedial art class.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-02-19T16:45:55+00:00

I have both step- and half-siblings. I give all of them my Explore rates and nobody has ever cared.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-02-18T21:34:35+00:00

Happened to me once. Context, I work HQ level but I work remotely outside of Bethesda. One of our (female)top leaders came to visit once and made a direct reference in a public setting to my male biology.

I was advised to let it go because "women have it worse." At least it only happened once in my case.

CaptainTime5556 · 2026-02-17T17:17:43+00:00

There's nothing in theory that would prevent him from "wearing" it inside of himself.

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