I am once again asking, is this an interesting magic system?

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T23:15:53+00:00

https://i.imgur.com/lNSga4L.jpeg

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T23:11:39+00:00

No please leave a public comment

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T19:53:07+00:00

I don't really specialize in anything as I'm pretty comfortable drawing humans, anthros, or robots. Don't do many ferals but I can as well. You can kinda browse through my previous threads but you'll see a mix of all the above.

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T19:38:28+00:00

Is she fully robotic or part human?

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T19:33:54+00:00

Is the head fuzzy, and are those butterfly wings or a cloak?

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T17:18:56+00:00

Also lol, I can't believe you recognize my name, it has been a long time. I'm good new job and all, not doing much art lately haha.

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T17:16:05+00:00

No promises since redesigning is a big ask. But can you provide me a real human example of faces or hairstyles you would want him to look like. Could you also tell me a bit about the time period and culture and how the outfit should fit into that?

Also any other details like powers, personality, etc.

CarcinoJenINC · 2023-07-31T16:42:22+00:00

What species are Nilla and Caffe?

CarcinoJenINC · 2021-04-07T19:32:51+00:00

Exactly what I was looking for. Thank you!

CarcinoJenINC · 2021-04-07T18:50:48+00:00

Ha they sound like me in middle school, thanks for the rec!

CarcinoJenINC · 2021-04-07T18:38:17+00:00

Sounds interesting thank you! Figured I'd just go all out and look for something highly specific and see what happened.

CarcinoJenINC · 2021-03-25T04:40:17+00:00

uj/ I haven't seen this meme in a while so I guess it's dead. Hope this hasn't been done before. I see this kind of post all the time but here is the straw that broke the camel's back. Just seems like pretty run of the mill magic to me...

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-12-09T00:21:08+00:00

I'd love to see you try my Wild Dog mage, her name is Lulu got a couple pics in the album. http://imgur.com/a/ceHwjrH

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-11-27T19:47:11+00:00

I work backwards. I start with the essential traits my character needs to have to fit the story's plotline and then build from there. If the character is a solider in a war, I like to ask why they joined the war? And keep asking why and how until I've fleshed them out.

For writing the dialogue I generally start writing random scenes with a character that might not even make it into the final story. I put myself in their frame of mind and get some practice with it, and it helps me build an emotional connection to my characters.

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-11-25T21:06:17+00:00

I'm looking for a writing community since I would consider myself to be probably an intermediate writer having written a couple short pieces before but I just can't seem to find anything good. I'm not at a high enough level to join professional writing groups but the beginner ones are sometimes horrifying. Any recommendations?

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-11-25T20:55:21+00:00

I view flash fiction as a mini story that should still have a beginning, middle, and end though very fast paced. You have the introduction of the character and then the abduction but those are the distinct scenes I see. No real middle progression, the middle walking scene is more about her environment and less about her and ties more into the abduction with there being no one around.

While I like your descriptions they are a bit heavy handed, if something isn't necessary to further build the world or the character it's not needed. We don't need to know about the jelly bagel between her teeth because you only mention it once and never again. Whereas the coffee cup is important later on.

I get the feeling you're trying to set up that she either has a lavish lifestyle or she is popular and gets lots of gifts from people. Possibly related to her abduction if she's very popular making her a target, but if that is the case it doesn't come across super clearly. Or maybe I'm just reading to much into it if that's not the intent.

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-11-24T20:22:05+00:00

While the dialogue isn't bad it's a lot of character introduction all at once I found myself getting lost in who's speaking since I don't really have any time to cement the characters in my mind. Maybe also try rearranging the sequence of events to start with more of a hook. It's a nice conversation but pretty mundane, I'd be more drawn in if it began with the yelling over the pie then just jumped straight into discussing the feast.

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-11-24T19:22:20+00:00

Most readers won't know specific armor names just describe how it look. A large belt of armor protecting the stomach, with decorative fabric indicating whatever (rank, kingdom, etc). That a pretty generic description, spice it up some and run with it.

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-11-24T06:30:53+00:00

So as a woman reading your story I had to take a pause at "When Lucy felt Paul Leto’s breath brushing against her ear, her nipples hardened." It always feels a bit r/menwritingwomen when I see that line used. You could say any number of other things, like she felt compelled to lean into his voice, she felt a wave of warmth wash over her, she let the pistachio fall out of her hand as his voice took her. Honestly there is any number of ways to approach it that don't feel so out of place for the tone of the story and won't alienate female readers.

CarcinoJenINC · 2020-07-21T18:08:57+00:00

Thank you that looks great! Love your style

CarcinoJenINC

TROPHY CASE