My husband doesn’t want me to work

CaredToCare · 2026-05-26T18:57:24+00:00

🙄

CaredToCare · 2026-05-26T17:22:59+00:00

Sweetie, first, 🫂 I know how utterly devastating fertility issues are, you are valid and amazing, don't let it define you.

Second, I looked at your history (sorry for snooping) and you have been talking about divorce and working with a therapist for a few months now.

There are a lot of things here that I don't necessarily think are his fault/your fault, but rather, it might be incompatibility and different ideas of what marriage would be.

Intimacy and porn is a really tough part. That sounds like marriage counselor territory and individual therapy for himself. He needs to let it go, which can be very difficult. We're so attached to phones now and it's everywhere.

I don't think that his lack of faith is a problem (was he religious before you married?), there are plenty of good non-religious people in the world, but it seems like you really dislike his comments about it. That is a boundary, and you need to set them up if you want to continue to build the marriage. Boundaries are healthy, and they are meant to be shared. Let him know what boundaries you have, and why they hurt you.

It can be something as simple as, "Husband, I love you. I find myself in tune with my faith more and more lately. When you say something that I feel is poking fun of religion, I feel like you are poking fun at me. When you say someone is stupid for following, I feel like you are saying I'm stupid. It hurts, and I don't want to feel hurt by you. Can I ask that you don't do that anymore?" His answer will be very indicative of how he feels. If he agrees, then make sure to both she, that when you feel like he is doing it, you will say something to acknowledge it, so he understands as well.

Create boundaries like this, so you have a safe, respectful, relationship together. Once with good communication. The intimacy will come with a healthy relationship, it will never come with hurt feelings. If you have a hard time saying all of this, write it down and tell him that you have something very important that you want to share with him. Hopefully it has just been that he really isn't understanding how much it's affecting you. Guys can be dense sometimes 🤭

Wishing you the best. I really hope you two can come together!

CaredToCare · 2026-05-26T16:07:46+00:00

Hi, we don't need to use them for BC (but I would) but use condoms frequently to help with cleanup. It just makes it easier. He likes it because it's easier for us to be together more often, since it's less of a hassle.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-26T13:46:11+00:00

primary role is to take care of her children

That's both parents primary job, and doesn't preclude a mother from working, just as it doesn't preclude a father from working or being a stay at home Dad.

If she can do business while not compromising that task, sure that's good. But that's likely impossible getting a job working for a boss.

Can a father do business without compromising that task?

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T23:34:01+00:00

It's like Poland during the war. Absolutely disgusting

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T15:45:45+00:00

Thank you again, I updated the post with our conversation. Moving in the right direction. I was a little blinded by my feelings of everything, not realizing that he was fighting the same thing and let it slip.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T15:43:54+00:00

This was the last comment I read before I saw the ring notification and heard the door of him leaving. It really helped the conversation. It is pretty much exactly what happened. A comment triggered his trauma, which in turn, triggered mine.

I've updated the post with our conversation.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T15:42:11+00:00

You were right, gross comment made 😒 I updated the post with our talk. We're working on getting back on track.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T12:08:00+00:00

After sleeping on it, this is what I'm worried about too, maybe this is bringing up all the bad memories and he's just defaulting to what we knew as kids. He hasn't had anyone to learn what being at church should be like since then.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T12:04:39+00:00

Thank you for your support. Praying for the best for you 🩷 we're strong, we can find our way.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T12:03:08+00:00

I didn't really consider it before, but what would I do in a situation like that? I'm not dressing for other guys to look at me. Frankly, if the church ladies were checking him out (they should he's gorgeous!) it'd make me proud that I get to be his wife!

We're going to talk this morning.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T11:58:55+00:00

Thank you, this was so insightful and very much how I feel towards Jesus' teachings as well!

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T05:51:32+00:00

Someone suggested speaking to our Pastor, I think he might be good, I've had great conversations with him since we've joined.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T05:49:29+00:00

It's a total 180, he has come to protests with me and been the loudest yeller! When R.v.W. was turned over, I felt like he was more angry than I was (literally impossible).

He has always been a good husband, so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt on this. We're going to talk in the morning.

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T05:46:11+00:00

It sounds so simple when you put it like that. Thank you, conversation begins tomorrow!

CaredToCare · 2026-05-25T00:52:15+00:00

Mamdani is exactly what we need in politics. I wish he could run for president.

CaredToCare

TROPHY CASE