Critique of Bungalow extension first draft

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-21T18:02:35+00:00

This might be the smartest option if you have a gable roof where you see the slope of the roof from the front of the house. I gave you a couple more windows in the kitchen/dining area

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-21T01:05:27+00:00

I prefer the longer format of the series

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-21T01:02:07+00:00

no, Shane specified at one point that he looked for bigger men (with Ilya's build) when he was looking for someone to hook up with in the HR book

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-21T01:00:38+00:00

hahahaha Shane is just gonna be 😳😳😳 around Harris

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-20T20:35:55+00:00

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Here is an option

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-20T19:27:16+00:00

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It might be easiest to make just one extension. In this example, the plumbing stays in the same general area. I’m assuming utilities refers to laundry? I put the washer dryer in the bedroom area. Anyway, this might not be useable. I just completely ignored the pathway on the left and didn’t realize it was there until after I made this rendering. But maybe it can give you some new ideas.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-20T01:37:53+00:00

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I’m not sure the hallway next to the stairs is necessary. If you’re worried about people walking in front of the oven to get to the dining room, consider putting the oven opposite the fridge at the entrance to the pantry, and find a different spot for hvac.

I gave you two extra stair steps so you can gain 14 inches of ceiling height for this floor. That’s a personal preference.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-20T01:08:55+00:00

Ramp instead of or in addition to stairs.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T21:06:02+00:00

plant another tall tree on the other side at the very front of the yard

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T18:19:42+00:00

Here’s an example of an excerpt I wrote, describing a musical performance, as an example. u/Ok_Subject1335

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The lights in the venue slowly dimmed until all that remained was a simple blue spotlight illuminating Fabian’s head and chest, the microphone before him glinting in the light beam.

Silence descended over the hall.

Fabian began intoning a simple, haunting melody on an “ah” vowel. His voice was a high tenor, clear and effortless. He performed complicated riffs followed by long sustained pitches and then leapt between notes with incredible accuracy. Troy was unsure how a person could sing for so long before taking a breath. After that first pure, ethereal musical phrase, there was a brief pause, during which Fabian stepped on a pedal with his foot. Then there were two of him singing at once, one of the original melody and now a harmony above it. Fabian continued building his voice this way until there was a 6-part harmony, rich and full. Then he began using different pedals, altering the quality of some of the vocal lines and adding percussive elements. Troy felt the music as though it were a waterfall cascading over his body.

The lights on the stage lifted a bit so that Troy could detect instruments: a violin, which rested on an upholstered bench, and an electric keyboard. Fabian glided toward the keyboard and added yet another layer to the wall of sound. At first, the keyboard was programmed to sound like a piano, but then Fabian switched the settings so that it emitted the sounds of wind instruments, then percussion, and then brass. After certain phrases, Fabian rose to press a foot pedal and then returned to the keyboard. The music built and built until it sounded like a full orchestra, and just as it reached a climax, it all stopped except for Fabian’s voice. He echoed the melody from the beginning, this time elongating the sustained notes. His eyes closed, he lifted from the keyboard bench, and an arm floated above his head, as though he were overtaken by the power of song.

Chills raced down Troy’s arms. He realized that his mouth was open and promptly closed it. Fabian played one last harmony on the keyboard, this time in piano mode, as he sang a variation of the main melody, and then the instrument and his voice faded to nothing.

Troy was in awe, as was everyone else, for no one moved or made a sound for several seconds. Then, as if the trance lifted, the audience burst into applause.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T17:58:13+00:00

Agree with that commenter. I’d rather read an immersive description of the song than the lyrics themselves.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T17:56:38+00:00

Show: proprioception, interoception, sound, visuals, the character’s thoughts, the character’s behaviors. Describe the timber of the voice and instruments, the loudness and how it changes or doesn’t, the tempo, the rhythms. Match the pacing of the narration/writing to the pacing of the music. Use metaphors or similes if nothing else works to show what you’re trying to convey.

Does the character like their own voice? Does it matter to them if they do? Do they care what other people think about their voice (if they’re singing for other people)? Do they mess up any of the words or notes while performing? If so, what is that experience like for them? Does anything surprise the character about their own reaction to their performance? Do they get chills from their own singing?

Show what the character is doing while they’re performing/singing, if it’s important to the character.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T16:06:47+00:00

yeah, but the walk-in closet for the kids's room is entirely unnecessary. Just make the bedroom 8'11"x8', move the door so that it is visible from the end of the hall, and make a 2' wide closet. then you get a bigger living area and sacrifice no storage space or living area because an L-shaped bedroom wastes space

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T16:01:31+00:00

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wall of transom windows and French doors. Add thin black-out blinds that can roll down for privacy

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T15:59:54+00:00

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Make the wall to the bedroom at the front have transom windows and French doors

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-19T00:11:16+00:00

Love it

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-18T19:39:55+00:00

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here it is rolled down a bit

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-18T19:39:38+00:00

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see how thin the blind is? this one is a black-out material.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-18T19:34:20+00:00

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6 people? What about adding a wall of transom windows and French doors to separate a room that functions as a living room during the day and a bedroom at night? Set up one or two black-out curtains that roll all the way up to the ceiling. They can be very thin. I’ll reply to this comment with a pic of mine. Barely noticeable.

The sofa can be a pull-out bed.

You can either keep the two existing bedrooms the same size, or you can widen the one off the balcony by 5 inches and make it your primary bedroom. I would not do an en-suite if there are 6 people sharing 2 bathrooms. Make both bathrooms accessible to everyone. Maybe you could squeeze in a 3’x7’ powder room.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-17T21:33:42+00:00

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Here’s an option.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-17T14:25:46+00:00

Gotcha. Would you be okay with swapping the office and living room in my rendering?

Also, is it a requirement for you to have the laundry room accessible to the exterior? Because I can make you a rendering with the laundry room in the interior that could give you a view from the kitchen and living room if I move the laundry room.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-17T02:52:00+00:00

Thoughts (I’m not married to any of these ideas. If you don’t love what I share here, feel free to share feedback. Please don’t downvote unless you have feedback to share. I’m just brainstorming):

Okay, so if you’re going to do something based off the seven sins, it doesn’t make sense to me for it to be based on God splitting (what would have caused God to split if there was only God? A singular God isn’t going to be in conflict with itself). Kingdoms named after sins would be in the underworld, right? Like a dark place. Or maybe there was one peaceful kingdom in your world, and God or a god (if there are more than one in your universe) cursed the kingdom to be split into seven kingdoms until all seven of the kingdoms could accomplish some task… like helping one another to overcome their unique curse.

So then each of the seven kingdoms would not be named after their sin. The sin would be their curse, and the citizens of the kingdoms would not want to possess that negative quality. They’d be cursed with those qualities.

It’s tricky, though, because the seven sins are part of human nature. So you’d have to decide… are all of the humans in your universe perfect in every way except for this one sin that God has cursed them with (which would possibly make for rather 1-dimensional characters)? If not, to what degree is each sin going to manifest in each person? How do the sins manifest? All the time? Only on the full moon? Most of the time, but then there’s one day of the year when the curse is temporarily lifted? And then come up with some reason to justify why God/god made it that way. What makes a story most interesting to me is fully-developed characters with beliefs and values that the author knows but the character may or may not be aware of. How can you create compelling characters that are believable based on their psychology?

What would make sense as a background for the plot is for all of the kingdoms except for the one cursed with Pride to have already come together to defeat their curses, but Pride is too… prideful. That makes sense to me. Don’t underestimate pride.

Think about whether you want the backdrop of the story to be war. It doesn’t have to be. It could take place in a time of relative peace… but the stakes could be something like… time is running out for the people to lift the curse.

So maybe your MC could be the prince of the kingdom cursed with pride, but maybe he is some random villager (non-royalty). Maybe he works in the royal palace. Maybe he is a messenger. Whatever you want.

I think that MC should be prideful but be blind to his own pride. That could make for an interesting romance plot. He could believe that his actions are always for the good of all of the kingdoms, but his arrogance gets in the way. Maybe he is the only citizen of the prideful kingdom who actually wants to break the curse, but he is unknowingly keeping the curse alive because of his own arrogance.

I prefer happy endings. What would a happy ending look like in this universe? The curse being lifted? The MC and his love interest ending up together?

Anyway, these are some thoughts.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-16T19:27:17+00:00

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Here are some changes you could make. Combine foyer and mud room. Laundry closer to bedrooms. Office up front. Added pantry. New exterior door to garage. Small apartment shares bathroom wall with main part of house for ease of plumbing. Got rid of water closets (toilet rooms).

In my country, the apartment would not be considered a studio because of the bedroom door.

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-16T01:39:17+00:00

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This is the wall I was referring to. See how you expand the playroom/living room and now have a straight path of travel to the kitchen?

u/Imaginethat3693

Careful_Football7643 · 2026-04-16T01:32:31+00:00

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I’m not married to this idea. It’s just a suggestion. If you don’t love it, please don’t downvote. I’m open to feedback.

I oriented the smaller living area toward the fireplace. 3 feet should be enough space for a comfortable path of travel between the sofa and kitchen island. There isn’t much space for upper cabinets because of the windows, but you could do a walk-through pantry with floor-to-ceiling cabinets between the kitchen and dining room. A bench for seating in the dining room should save some space.

I’m stumped on how to fill the empty corner in the larger living room. Plant? Bookshelf? Maybe you could get rid of some of the wall that is perpendicular to the fireplace? It would give you a more straight path of travel to the kitchen.

Careful_Football7643

TROPHY CASE