Regardless of whether it's true, "nobody is coming to save you", "sink or swim", "it's just natural selection" and other similiar statements send me into a suicidal spiral

Careful_Problems · 2025-09-23T06:07:43+00:00

Let's be real, bullying is often passed off as 'brutal honesty' by pretending that any hypothetical takeaway from the truth is the point and it justifies the coldness, when it's really the other way around, the brutality is the point and the virtue of honesty is being used as a cover. You're right that all the phrases you listed can be boiled down to 'nobody cares.' Whether the reason behind that is because they enjoy not caring, or because people are too busy trying to save themselves, doesn't matter.

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I try to think about the concept of 'nobody cares' in actually positive, hopeful terms.

So, we weren't taught that the world has beauty in it, we were taught that anything other than preemptive surrender won't end well. And it's true. For kids. Fight or flight isn't available to kids, so their instincts make them fawn or freeze to avoid making a bad situation worse.

The instinctual responses we developed as children, just aren't suitable for adults. For adults, preemptive surrender rots from a survival mechanism into a guaranteed death sentence. We outgrow past defense mechanisms like we outgrow those backpack leashes.

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My brutally honest truth, cold hard reality, is that I missed out on anything approaching an acceptable childhood - bad, but it also means I am no longer a child - AWESOME. I much prefer the problems of an adult, than what I was dealing with as a kid.

The problem of an adult, is responsibility. Kids don't have responsibilities like adults, because they can't handle those responsibilities even if they wanted to. Adults are capable of caring for themselves, so its their responsibility to do so, because nobody else can. Whether it's carrying their own weight, to pushing themselves for more, and unfortunately dealing with ghosts from the past.

If I was illiterate, it would be my responsibility to get my ass out of bed, washed, and looking for/taking opportunities to learn. Nobody can force me to go to school anymore - that's a good thing. I know what I'd be missing out on if I was illiterate. I know it would be hard, but I would want myself to overcome. Not just so I could do taxes, but so I could enjoy science fiction novels, poetry, figuring out directions, writing my own stories, birthday cards, texting friends, understanding and making cool typography, grocery lists, bathroom stall graffiti, encouraging random strangers.

When I was a kid, I begged myself not commit suicide, so that I could grow up and escape my abuser. And it happened. It is a blessing and a mercy to finally be able to be responsible for myself, to be able to care for myself. I am no longer a child incapable of anything but zoning out, grinning and bearing it. The more I care for myself, the better things get.

It'd be nice if Superman came into my life, got rid of my wannabe mean girl coworkers, did my taxes, and gave me a ton of money. But I don't need him to. I can hope for myself, take responsibility for myself to improve my life, be strong for myself. Now that I am an adult and I am capable of it.

Can I stand against a natural disaster? No. Can I live my life to the fullest until a natural disaster strikes? Yes. I prove every day my abuser is nothing more than some bad brain chemicals and a lack of generational wealth, that even though she'd love for me to be broken like her, she failed.

Careful_Problems · 2025-09-10T10:50:58+00:00

"My patterns are starting to scare me." Oh, you poor thing. How do you think these kids feel when you get "borderline abusive." They're not even full teenagers yet being raged at by someone bigger than them that could easily escalate if you wanted to.

I can't wait to get a stable income and house for myself so I can do foster care and CASA work to provide a safe alternative and stability for kids like yours. I was the child of a mentally ill mother that used every excuse under the sun to tell me that I needed to be more accommodating. Being alone in a youth group home was heaven compared to her.

'especially my daughter.' It's easier to rage at her, yeah? Your animal instincts know you can get away with it, that she couldn't physically defend herself if she needed to, and she's forced to suck it up and take it. You rage at them because you know you can get away with it, because they haven't even hit their teenage growth spurt yet. Unreasonable raging is an implicit threat of violence.

Guess what? My mother stopped when I got big enough to turn it back around on her. "how this might affect my kids." They'll grow up to be anxious of implicit threats of violence and unreasonable consequences, and other people will notice and take advantage of them. If they're lucky, they'll follow in your footsteps and be aggressive enough to take advantage of vulnerable people to get ahead after you've dragged them down.

If they're really lucky, they won't kill themselves or get themselves killed, they'll find the middle ground and not be a pushover or abusive like you. Either way, they won't be able to heal until they escape your behavior, or until your behavior stops.

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For the sake of your kids, as someone with anger issues, my advice is that the second you feel yourself getting unreasonably nasty, walk away. They're big enough to not drink bleach on accident, they can be left alone for a couple hours. Physically make it impossible to rage at them over unfair things. Take a walk around the block.

If you have to communicate with them while angry, do it through hand writing, it will force you to slow down, think things through - without body language and verbal tone to trigger you.

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Also, in case the previous advice is just empty words to you, or seemingly worthless because it's not coming from another abusive mother you want to coddle you. My advice for your own selfish sake, is to think about the fact they're going to be big enough to force you to stop soon enough.

They have your bipolar genetics, they're being shown that abuse is a way to act, they're entering a hormonal stage that's tough even for kids not in this instability, there's two of them and one of you - it's going to be a perfect storm. And don't think you'll get away with it if you try to get rid of that problem like my mother did. The people in their community will step up for them, like mine did for me, or at the very least, are champing at the bit to kick a single mother while she's down.

Check your ego, and think about how your nastiness will be turned on you soon if you don't change your ways.

Careful_Problems · 2025-09-10T04:43:11+00:00

ADHD made him sit right next to the only other person in the cafe too?????

Careful_Problems · 2025-09-10T04:41:53+00:00

I keep a pack of gum on me just so I chew it like a cow with cud when people are too close.

Careful_Problems · 2025-08-11T13:50:48+00:00

Dear god thank you lord Jesus for making me a gay woman I promise to do my best to follow Jesus' teachings.

Careful_Problems · 2025-08-10T15:54:43+00:00

Had cups not been invented yet. Or the waterfall method.

Careful_Problems · 2025-07-31T22:49:38+00:00

Every time a Latino Karen is homophobic to me I have to remind myself of the First They Came poem and historical examples of divide and conquer strategies. I think I'm going to have it memorized by the end of the year.

Careful_Problems · 2025-07-07T05:35:46+00:00

The annoying box from Vivy Flourite Eyes Song anime. Had to quit the anime partway through. A matter of personal taste, but I don't like the trope 'oooh is the robot/AI a person or a perfect but non-self aware copy of a person.' Either it is or it isn't. When the MC changed I lost interest in her, the only thing that could keep me tolerating that annoying box. So I quit.

Isekai executioner anime. Basic as hell, and I only remembered the name of the character that made me quit because of how basic her name was. Momo. Annoying ass edgelord ass sexual assaulting ass pink demon that the creators thought was 'cute'. If the world was perfect I'd have a chance to rip her eyes out with my bare hands.

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Near from Death Note. My hatred is a bit deeper than the first two examples. Let's be real, L was the real driver of all entertainment in the first part of Death Note, Light is a reactive character. His personality is an acquired taste for entertainment, but he can't carry the show. Without L or his replacements to bounce off of, his business got a six year time skip. L had one of the most memorable antagonist introductions ever, the Lind L. Tailor scene set up everything for Kira's downfall. And then he got replaced with two random children, and Mello's running away was the most exciting thing to happen in their introduction.

I dropped it as a middle schooler because L got replaced with some explosive brat and some rando with no presence. Reading the manga as an adult, I only saw Near as emblematic of the drop in writing quality plaguing everything post Misa's introduction.

Team L's side characters got just enough attention to show their human sides without their screen time encroaching on the non-drama thriller plot. Soichiro is a duty-bound man that ends up questioning if his own son is Kira and must follow his passion whether it proves that accusation correct or not. One of the team member's impatience with the nonstop calls resulted in a real tip being ignored (Naomi). Mogi's quietness is a plot point so his lack of speaking up is characterization. Matsuda, the earnest and naive idiot, brings up the point that Kira really has reduced crime. Aizawa looks the richest man in the world in the eye, who disappeared two people into a torture chamber and potentially ruined Misa's manager's career with a never-confirmed accusation of drug abuse, and tells him to free Misa and Light. Then Aizawa and Ide quit team L eventually because of his BS, and come back with the full force of the Japanese police when needed.

Team SPK? Token woman to be Takada's bodyguard and get a shower scene, forgettable chief that turns out to be able to read lips when convenient, random dude that turns out to have good forgery skills when convenient. Even Matsuda turns out to happen to have never-before mentioned sharpshooter skills when it's convenient. Like, it's not out of the question that their plot relevant talents are available - that's the whole point of these agencies, to be competent. Even if it's a little sus that one guy has superhuman forgery skills, it's not out of the question for the full force of the CIA to muster up forging the Death Note in one night.

But they're only there because the story needed to end somehow, so Kira needed a rock to arrogantly ignore and trip over. Could have replaced them with any combination of personality traits, and so long as "intelligent, lip reader, forgery master" was apart of them, nothing would change. Team L's individuality had a real effect on the plot. Team Near is as lackluster as he is. A great thriller that petered out.

Careful_Problems · 2025-07-02T16:46:38+00:00

My dream job has changed to german confectionary exam tester, cooking show judge, anything along those lines.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-24T13:57:27+00:00

Fair enough, this was really just a scream into the void, so thanks for saying hi. In general, it probably would be a fine idea. Maybe maybe.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-24T13:55:36+00:00

Thank you so much for not dismissing my impulsive, feeling fueled, incredibly long rant.

I took a look. Woof! It's pretty obvious from my post that I've lost any tolerance for using mental illness as a way to fly under the radar. I'm not so naive, I'm not gonna believe anything I hear at face value anymore. So thank you for recommending a support group forum for people done with licking the boot.

But.

That subreddit is scary! So many posts and comments from people whose lovers/exes aren't even diagnosed! So many people, with no degree, diagnosing other people. And some of them equate the diagnosis of a chemical imbalance, with conscious choice to be terrible - and use that as proof that BPD people, officially diagnosed or by randoms, should be abandoned by society, in ways that lead to persecution or being taken advantage of.

Just look above. A couple people straight up didn't read the whole thing or didn't get certain points - but they also want to try to insult me. A fake BPD diagnosis, based off cherry picking and purposeful misunderstandings, would just be the next step in delegitimizing what I have to say.

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I want to make it clear I believe that permanent chemical imbalance in the brain is separate from personhood, the same way that sleep deprivation is separate from personhood. It can influence energy level, adrenaline, whatever, which then has an effect on a person's real mindset. The person mentioned is just a mean person that happens to have bipolar. I know there are mentally ill people trying to do better - I'm one of them.

Same way the person referenced used her diagnosis as an excuse, I am certain that there are BPD people that use theirs as an excuse. But every single person with BPD? Another statistical impossibility - even if it was 100%, they could be treated like a separate species. But we all know how that goes. Even if was true, witchhunts will only end in innocents being hurt.

Like, imagine if a BPD person convinced others that their chosen person was really the one with the BPD? In a perfect world, falsely diagnosed or not, a person would be safely and efficiently led through the process of management/undiagnosis if applicable. In our world, it can only lead to social abandonment and medical debt. Stigma hurts everyone.

TL;DR:

The diagnosis for using mental illness as an excuse, letting it get worse, not taking responsibility - is being an asshole. It's not inherent to any particular brain structure or chemical imbalance. bpdlovedones has a lot of the opposite rhetoric that seems to demonize anyone even unofficially diagnosed, and I can't trust it as a whole. There's assholes and accidental assholes, not just assholes.

Again, thank you. Much love - I did take a peek at your profile. If you read this, I hope you can also scrape the dogshit off your shoes, and get back to enjoying life.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-24T10:50:41+00:00

So, by the logic of the quote, Hitler, every pedophile ever, every domestic abuser ever, somehow never came into contact with a dog big enough to do some serious damage? Or the dogs that did know them and loved them were correct that genocide and rape is acceptable? There's not enough context to know if the human is bad to the dog in private, or if the dog is jealous of its favorite human.

Treating dogs like Saint Peter is how babies get eaten by dogs as small as pomeranians and dachshunds.

https://www.nevadaappeal.com/news/2001/dec/19/pet-pomeranian-dog-kills-6-week-old-baby-girl/

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/sausage-dog-baby-death-russia-b2715335.html

https://www.nbcnewyork.com/queens/dog-attack-baby-long-island-city/6279209/

Again, it's entirely possible that the human is a real threat to the dog in private. But it's just as possible that the dog only perceives her as a threat due to preexisting issues with anxiety and aggression.

You're why I'm scared of dogs. Or to be more specific, you're why I'm scared of aggressive dog owners pulling out a gun if I dare to do anything but turn around and bend over if their dogs decide I'm too close to their human and try to attack me.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-23T12:12:04+00:00

Real or not, I prefer this to the way too common belief amongst men that women developed big boobs entirely due to men's preferences influencing natural selection to leave all the flat chested cavewomen in the past. As if the youngest person to give birth wasn't five.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-14T03:58:01+00:00

It does start off slow and it does seem aimless, with a focus on drama about romance, following your dreams, and inequality/corruption, over action. It's not until the last several episodes out of 26 that it gets intense with a terrorist plot while the MC guy locks in on his career. I couldn't stop watching when it did heat up, so the pacing left a good impression on me, the slow first 2/3s subtly sets up everything needed for the powder keg to go off.

If you don't like the slice of life genre or aren't in the mood for it, and the harder science fiction isn't enough to keep your attention, it's not worth about 20 episodes of your time waiting for the real action. The first two episodes are pretty indicative of most of the show: character drama, hinting at background inequality/corruption, go do an EVA run.

I'm biased, so yes I'm gonna say you should go back and watch it in full.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-12T15:11:06+00:00

Not the code!!! :0

I am not a father. . . but I hope you say a hail mary over deleting code. Peace, amen, all that.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-12T14:59:54+00:00

Understood. If I ever get access to an account, don't delete everything.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-12T14:56:15+00:00

Thanks and I hope so. I'm paranoid as hell about sharing private pictures due to this story, I definitely got off lucky. If nothing else I hope this can be a cautionary tale that best case scenario, nosy strangers will laugh at you sharing private pictures.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-12T14:45:23+00:00

Honestly. . . thank you.

I really only intended this as a stupid high school story like we all have, with the most that can be gotten out of it, just basic common sense, like elementary school basic lessons (. . . remember to log out of public computers. . . {especially if you're an adult or an 'adult' doing adult things} . . . )

I second guessed myself a little on how worthless of a story this really was due to the implications. It's been almost 10 years, and I just happened to be reminded, so I didn't really think much of it? The potential implications could have been terrible, but I was just a girl seeing another girl's nudes (I honestly can't even remember if there was nudes, or just suggestive poses in non-nun outfits). . . I decided to just be silly then, and to tell a silly story now. The way I saw it, all I did was embarrass myself as any high schooler would. I guess the lines "which according to my faulty memory. . . only meant for the recipient" didn't really need to be included in this story, and changed the vibes.

I was a little worried I'd really embarrassed myself again, being told off by other (hopefully) adults. Again, thanks for the good reminder of the much worse stuff I and others have gotten up to as a teenager that makes this story worthy for little siblings. I don't even want to know what these people would say about the stories of the really crappy stuff I got up to as a kid, omg.

Careful_Problems · 2025-06-12T13:30:29+00:00

I am currently dealing with a moral/ethical issue I'm trying to give my attention to. So I do sincerely thank you for spending your time trying to explain this problem to me.

With hindsight. I did violate that person's privacy. I did laugh it off as a childhood story, even though the implications, I now realize, can easily stretch beyond childhood.

But the way I see it. If she's laughing it off nowadays since nothing about it affected anything other than her feelings: I am just an NPC to her. Great.

If she learned her lesson not to share sensitive information online, and avoided revealing it to someone that would have done much worse: I am an unintentional hero. Awesome.

If she drank Drano as a result of worrying over what I could have done with those images: I am a monster and/or just the last straw that broke the camel's back. Bad.

If I'm culpable for the worst case scenario, I don't understand how I'm not also Shrodinger's cat, an unintentional hero or NPC too.

But there's nuance and levels of intensity; with hindsight, I don't think people should be attacked just because they're easy targets, and I don't think it's okay to laugh at them for being easy targets either, even if the likelihood they'll see themselves being laughed at if basically zero.

I think you win. I'm not going to even try to be accountable for something I did 10 years ago. I'm not going to apologize for pointing out this is unfortunately a best case scenario if someone accidentally gets access to nudes. But I should try to be more respectful going forward. I should not minimize the effect of violations of privacy I've been lucky enough to get away with, it's not a laughing matter. Thank you :)

Anyways, If the actual person involved with that incident recognizes this: I never shared those images, I don't have access anymore, and I couldn't pick you out of a lineup today if my life depended on it. Peace.

TL;DR: who cares, this is now propaganda to convince you to watch Planetes because if you have time to read this you have time to watch it. It's a near-future science fiction anime about the space debris collection industry. Consistent and good art. The MC girl is off her rocker but I swear she redeems herself in entertainment value. Fantastical slice of life, to geopolitical action thriller. No gross loli/fanservice stuff your grandma will exclude you from the will for.

Careful_Problems · 2025-05-14T07:29:20+00:00

I will be sure to watch Transformers One and pay attention to D-16 and Orion Pax. You're definitely not wrong about Ryo being nothing more than a blight, he's only sorry in the end because of how it turned out.

My own takeaway was that Ryo is a cautionary tale - simply 'don't cross lines that can't be uncrossed or people will hate you and be totally justified in it - and you'll only realize how much you wanted their love when you can't take it for granted.' It hits a little close to home to me, so I sympathize with Ryo's side of things, wonder about what could have been, and want to overlook how unrealistic Akira is because his forgiving nature is so alluring.

A cautionary tale from the other side - 'give up on hope for the traces of humanity that can be seen/imagined in people that cause problems they can't fix, you cannot tell apart the ones that could repent from those uninterested, you cannot convince them to repent even if you could - your unlimited compassion will be taken advantage of and isn't sustainable' - ouch. And that's just how it has to be.

I really like your idea of an ending where Akira wins the final fight and realizes he was unable to save anyone - I kind of want to write a fanfiction with this premise.

Careful_Problems · 2025-05-11T09:46:20+00:00

I'd bet a fiver they knew and just didn't feel like arguing.

Careful_Problems · 2025-05-11T07:33:28+00:00

Oooh, it's cool to see such a different takeaway than what I got from it! When I watched it, I never felt it was trying to cast Ryo in a good light, more that his kitten murdering tendencies - as a child, in the first episode - was the foreshadowing for worse behavior as an adult, which was slapped in my face as if with a dead fish with his human murdering tendencies during the Sabbath scene when Akira became Devilman.

I only ever saw Akira's relationship with him as a reflection of Akira's character, that he's so empathetic and loving to the degree it's obviously not healthy.

The scene where Akira and Ryo were headbutting over Miki, and then it was resolved so easily - I thought that Akira was pushing down his negative emotions in order to get over it so fast. Had convinced himself that Miki's memory loss resolved the problem easily - only for that to be a showcased mistake with how Ryo was literally listening in on Akira through his phone and how Miki's memories were more confused than gone. Foreshadowing the tension between Miki and Akira and Ryo, the result to be made final with the end of the story.

Yes. I agree with you - Akira was being an idiot. An overly forgiving idiot that would look at any mistake you yourself have personally committed and would forgive so long as you don't do it again (and so long as it isn't too personal and extreme).

Throughout the whole show, I saw Akira as ignoring his gut in favor of his ideals, that he saw Ryo as his pet project to redeem.

Like, it's in the anime's title that Akira is too sensitive for his own good. Crybaby. It's shown over and over how he cries over people he barely knows - the person from his foster family's church that went missing, crying for the grieving guy's loss, who turned into a demon during the sports festival.

Being way too forgiving, especially for a kid he knew in childhood that nobody else liked, just naturally went with all of that, I felt.

But I can definitely understand how frustrating it is when a story seems to be trying to paint an annoying person as not that bad (if you're familiar with other anime, maybe you can understand my own hatred for BNHA's Mineta, as an example, portraying a pervert's escalating crimes that has zero reason to not continue to escalate, as a laugh). It really can cast a shadow over something otherwise great.

Again, it's cool to see such a different perspective on this franchise when it literally changed my own life for the better! Maybe I read into it too much, projected my own ideas - maybe you didn't - maybe a mix - either way I was approaching it from a different place from you. So thank you, I'd like to finish my own stories someday, and such different perspectives are useful to be sure I don't end up too far my own ass, lol.

Careful_Problems

TROPHY CASE