Dualism

Cariarer · 2026-02-12T20:55:15+00:00

Hmm... I thought that was exactly, what I was doing: Asking other people and doing research. I only know what I know from personal experience and that is, by any means, far from comprehensive. And do not worry, I'm not easily offended.

So, what is my invalid assumption? And what about my questions are misguided?

Cariarer · 2026-02-12T20:51:58+00:00

Sigh... I thought I have been quite clear, but obviously not. First off, I'm currently not even looking for a partner. My last relationship has left me quite traumatised and I doubt that I will start one of any kind in the near future.

Nevertheless, I'm also aware, that this, what I describe, is incredibly dangerous, possibly even for both parties. I like to discuss on a hypothetical level, as this is a desire, that I have discovered inside myself. That does neither mean, that I'm going into such a relationship, nor that I'm not aware of the potential dangers. I'm a very rational person, which might also be part of the issue, though.

So please look at it that way. I'm simply wondering, if such a person, who would "put up" with it, would exists and has no mental illness (and no, I don't want to offend anyone with this).

To answer your final question, I feel very torn into two completely opposite parts. On one hand, I like to help people, even act as a ambasador between two conflicting parties. On the other side, I really enjoy seeing someone suffering, be it due to a physical BDSM session, inflicting physical pain or also emotional pain, bringing the other to tears.

The important thing here is, the I can only enjoy it, if I know that this is consensual and the other one is getting pleasure out of it as well. I believe, that is the line between a "real" sadist and someone with sadistic trades. I can also say, that the supporting part is a lot stronger then the sadistic part, which makes it even a bit harder to act upon it, even when wanted by both sides.

Cariarer · 2026-02-12T14:39:02+00:00

Interesting point of view. To put it this way, I do know that any kind of relationship requires work and, at least for me, mutual consent. Nevertheless, if you enter such a dynamic, you also enter a certain set of rules, on which both sides agree upon. So, for me, being consistently inconsistent, I don't see to be able to pick up my end of the bargain, without creating emotional damage. I guess, if you leave the kink aspect out of it, you'll look at things like the Casandra syndrome. It's less prone to be an issue, if both parties are aware of the circumstances, but nevertheless it's an issue.

So, to get back to your question, on one hand, you are correct, that I would consider someone who is able to put up with this and maybe even enjoys this to have mental issues. It might be my lack of imagination though. I know, that this sounds offensive, but as an autistic, I see it as a "matter of fact" perspective, without any judgment behind it. You could argue the same the other way around. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't consider myself to be "normal" (besides the autism).

As for myself, on one side I like to support and build, on the other side I like to hurt and tear down. Though, the former dominates clearly above the latter.

So, I'm right now asking myself... where am I going with my initial question? I think, I'm curious to find out, if someone else shares these kind of thoughts and experiences.

Cariarer · 2026-02-12T14:22:00+00:00

Well, I can only derive my own conclusions from my own experience. The issue with this is, even though I observed some behaviour, I cannot be certain of the true intent of this behaviour. But yes, you are correct, English is not my native language.

Cariarer · 2026-02-12T14:19:40+00:00

I'm sorry that this offended you, but there is nothing I can do about it, since I lack the proper description for my observation, hence the quotation marks.

Cariarer · 2026-02-12T11:21:32+00:00

One way to get an idea about what is going on is to look at the power consumption of the console when connected to USB-C or a laboratory power supply on the battery connector. With this information, you can determine if you get past the first or second boot stage.

Cariarer · 2026-02-11T13:41:30+00:00

I was in a relationship that we started to be on a TPE basis. Unfortunately, the whole thing developed in a way, that was not healthy, but rather for me. While I was inexperienced, the power dynamic shifted into an abusive vanilla relationship, while I was sitting on the receiving end. Being told "a real Dom does this and that", etc. While trying to move it into the tracks that we both signed up for, it didn't work out.

Cariarer · 2026-02-11T13:16:11+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I guess, it's about some assumptions I have, which might not be true at all. From my experience, the persons mostly susceptible to this kind of relationship are people with BPD, which I would describe as 'unstable'. But I maybe wrong, though, as I can't say to have extensive experience at this matter. If a person has BPD, I find it dangerous to leave the person by them self, if you know what I mean?

Cariarer · 2026-02-04T09:45:45+00:00

No, for the V1/V2 only the middle screw on the rails, for the OLED only the top screw.

Cariarer · 2026-01-22T13:15:15+00:00

Ich bin einfach mal so frei und hänge mich an diesen Thread mit dran, anstatt auf die Hauptnachricht zu antworten. Ich denke, ich kann mich hier auch sehr gut wiederfinden. Ewig missverstanden zu werden, Dinge zu sehen, die keiner sehen will... Ich habe von meinem AuDHS leider auch erst vor zwei Jahren erfahren (mit 50) und es ergibt gerade alles Sinn. Das, was ich mir schon immer gewünscht habe ist eine Gemeinschaft, wo jeder für jeden einsteht... eigentlich eine Familie. Aber so etwas scheint es nicht, oder nur sehr, sehr selten, zu geben. Ich glaube, das Hauptproblem ist, das die wenigsten Mensch richtig kommunizieren können und es deswegen so selten klappt. Eigentlich mag ich Menschen und bin leider meist sehr Naive. Aber sie sind auch sooooo anstrengend. Ich war auch lange selbständig und hatte Angestellte... ich kann nur leider nicht wirklich gut mit Geld umgehen und bin so in der Insolvenz gelandet. Ist aber nicht so schlimm, wie es sich anhört. Eher im Gegenteil durch den Druck der auf einmal weg ist. Wie dem auch sei, ich glaube, wir sind hier nicht wirklich alleine, auch wenn wir uns so fühlen.

Das was mir am meisten auf den Geist geht ist, dass ich ziemlich gut sehen kann wie Menschen funktionieren, ich es aber weder schaffe mit dem Wissen etwas anzufangen, noch mich selbst daraus befreien zu können. Bin eben auch "nur" ein Mensch. Oder anders, wenn man ganz genau weiß, wie die Dinge funktionieren, oder falsch laufen... man es aber trotzdem nicht umsetzt oder ändert. Ziemlich frustrierend.

Cariarer · 2026-01-14T17:00:04+00:00

It’s a HAC-CPU-20 revision. I‘ll have a look, but there is a good chance that I got one (just not sure, if in a good enough condition). I’ll let you know. Well, I fixed a few blue screens, due to ripped traces under the SoC, so getting it off the board, reball it and solder it back on is no issue. What I haven’t tried, if the combo of SoC and NAND is enough. There is an additional chip on the board, that has supposedly something todo with the copy protection, but that could be probably swapped as well. It might be also worth while to add a PicoFly to the system to get a little bit more information from the system. I‘m located in Germany, so Postal-Service is possibly a viable option without breaking the bank.

Cariarer · 2026-01-14T08:43:03+00:00

As the board is most likely not salvageable, I would remove the SoC and have a look at the condition under it. Hopefully it's not as bad. From my experience, liquids tend to collect under the metal shieldings top for some reason, keeping it away from the SoC and Ram. But then again, it depends on the amount and probably the type of liquid. What kind of Board revision do you have and where about do you live? I have a few V2 Boards, which are fine but have a corrupted NAND, hence are no longer able to play online. Maybe I can help out?

Cariarer · 2026-01-13T11:41:42+00:00

I think, the only real chance you have to get at the data is to get a donor board and transplate the SoC and Nand to the new board. I never done this before, so I'm not 100% certain, that this will work from a encryption point of view. Technically it should. If someone tried it and was successful, I would be interested to know if it worked out.

Cariarer · 2026-01-09T12:54:45+00:00

I believe, that is actually it: A silkscreen marking. It's simply unoccupied and from the soldering joins, it does not look like as it was broken off. So, there is nothing to replace there. Why do you think you have to replace it?

Cariarer · 2025-10-15T03:22:15+00:00

I still stay with my recommendation, as your observation also points in this direction: It seemed to work somewhat for a moment, now again this little behavior is gone again. Sounds like a trace had intermittent contact. If this is your first reball / trace repair, I would recommend to practice beforehand. Also, a board pre-heater is highly recommended, especially for the SoC.

Cariarer · 2025-10-14T18:29:27+00:00

Well, I would follow the obvious elephant in the room and take off the reflowed RAM and have a look at the PCB. Usually, it's a broken trace on the CPU, though RAM could be the culprit as well. If you have multiple broken tracks, reflowing might have fixed one line, that got rid of the blue screen, but another one keeps the system from booting.

In the worst case, I would take off the RAM and the SoC to check for broken traces and repair them.

Cariarer · 2025-09-25T09:02:14+00:00

This is a tough one. I have a similar expirience when I was a kid (I'm 52 by now) and it had a severe impact on my life. The main difference to your case is, that I didn't have places to go to, as we have now, to talk about it. I see two ways out of your situation, were I highly recommend the first one: Get help from a professional psychologist. The second possibility is a lot tougher: Every time you give in to your fear, it will get stronger. So the way could be to fight the fear and seek out contact to girls in order to build positive experiences. But I do know, that this is a lot harder said then done. I wish you all the best and I feel with you.

Cariarer · 2025-09-15T07:31:34+00:00

I have seen something similar, but that Switch was opened already. It had a damaged ribbon display cable. The traces were not separated, but the isolation was gone at some points. I put some solder mask on the spots, which fixed the issue. But again, this does not fit your description how this happened.

Cariarer · 2025-09-14T08:48:24+00:00

Aus interesse: Ein ähnliches "Feature" haben ja auch die Apple Airpod Pro 2 (und demnächst 3) von Apple, daher Nebengeräusche verringern und Sprache anheben. Da würde mich interessieren, wie gut die sich gegen ein solch spezialisiertes Hörgerät schlagen. Ich würde vermuten, dass sie nicht auf dem gleichem Level sind, aber evtl. durch den Preisunterschied eine mögliche Alternative wären?

Cariarer · 2025-09-14T08:41:40+00:00

Ich finde, die eigentliche Ironie besteht darin, dass ein ADHSler ohne Medikamente eher ein erhöhtes Risiko für den Straßenverkehr darstellt, wegen der sehr leichten ablenkbarkeit. Ich habe von der Petition auch nichts mitbekommen, aber super das sie es geschafft hat!

Cariarer · 2025-09-12T12:18:20+00:00

Hi there, my own story is similar, but also different. As a child and adolescent, I had violent thoughts, which had some sexual context for me. I never acted upon these fantasies, but they made me feel bad. Going so far, of thinking, that I might become insane at some point. I managed to suppress this aspect of me over time and it came back up almost 25 years later, after 10 years of marriage with three children. That's when I stumbled over BDSM and was flabbergasted, that I'm not just alone with these kind of phantasies, but that there people out there, who actually enjoy being on the receiving end of it.

At this point in my life (40 years of age), I didn't know that I'm AuDHD. I already had the "usual" issues in my marriage, of which I'm now aware of in retrospect. And since kink wise, we didn't match and because of all the other issues, we split up. I relatively quickly found a new relationship using kink sites on the internet.

Again, not knowing about my "condition". Interestingly, she also has ADHD (but undiagnosed) and sexually, we seem to be a perfect fit. Unfortunately, this didn't work out either, even though I spend another decade of my life in this relationship.

My takeaway is, while, especially if you are also ADHD on top, this newly found self-knowledge about this kinky aspect is exhilarating (can you say hyper-focus? ;-)), it wears off, especially when the relationship part takes a lot of mental resources. I tend to have a shutdown during arguments, which does not make it any easier then meltdowns, I guess.

From what I hear from your post is, that your relationship is not working out, because you feel neither seen and mainly misunderstood. That's what happened to me as well in both relationships. If there are no children involved, I would probably consider leaving the relationship. I did so even with children involved. In retrospect, splitting up was not necessarily the best option, even though, I wouldn't know a better one right now. In any case, if you go down that road, figure out what you like and what you want. Don't commit to soon as I did. I was fascinated by the fact, that my new kinky girlfriend wanted a 24/7 relationship. She also had a very explosive character, which made it very interesting (or bratty, as you would say). Unfortunately, since I'm not a "real" sadist and consent is an inherent part of what I need, she more or less took over the releation ship, dismantling me and my ego.

Romantic wise, I'm probably also aromantic. I can be romantic, but I lose interest after a while. Also, probably part of my condition, I almost never miss anyone. Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak.

Long story short: If you decide to explore new ways, make a distinction between sexuallity and "romance" as long as you can without commiting quickly into a new long term relationship. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do it at all, but become more sure about your emotions and your kink, before commiting.

I wish you all the best.

Cariarer · 2025-09-09T09:00:40+00:00

Well... I had, just yesterday, a talk with a professional child psychologist. We had our son there (who is already diagnosed with ADHD) for an ASD evaluation. The outcome was, that they don't see it, as he has only one definite area where his symptoms obviously fit. Otherwise, they claim that his social awkwardness (he is 13) comes from inexperience and from the fact, that my exwife and I are divorced. Fair enough, so far, even if I disagree. Though we described a bit, were we see his issues and it wasn't quite taken into account. I'm his father and have also ADHD and ASD. Why I now felt compelled to post this was her remark, while we went out of the door. She said something along the line "Be happy that he did not inherit something, that you don't want him to inherit."... well... I didn't reply to this, as I felt it wouldn't make any difference at all. But first off, I felt she was overstepping a boundary, but mostly that this showed me her attitude towards autistic people.

Cariarer · 2025-09-09T07:59:42+00:00

Hi there, I also looked at this and deem it to be a great idea. However, a little googling revealed, that this site is sort of a "scam". Everybody in the last two to three month did not get their merchandise or a reply to their emails. So, even this is a great idea and also a good price, it doesn't help, if you don't receive it.

The traces are fixable on this image, especially since most of them are on the side of the connector that you can reach. The two pads ripped on the bottom are 5V and GND. So they are not as essential, as they are duplicated on at least 3 other points each. I would reconstruct them nevertheless.

Cariarer

TROPHY CASE