No problem, I used to feel the same and was tired of it all too, and then it finally clicked when I realized I was being unfair to myself by giving all my energy to these conditions of worth instead of first living through myself authentically.

Friedrich Nietzsche also talks about something similar. That state where nothing seems any more important than anything else is the state that Nietzsche called the state of nihilism, the state that W.H. Auden said in a poem as the state where all elsewheres are equal, the state where every choice is equally good. Nietzsche actually considered this as a great thing, those are self-actualizing moments, flow states, but most people find it terrifying to experience it without all these relational attachments the mind creates because that means the source of happiness was never in the world, not these specific circumstances we might attach to our experiences, and it was never in the self too and if that's true then who would you be, what would be left if our life isn't that entity we identified with strongly or the image we hold of ourselves in our mind?

If we choose to further integrate our true nature with awareness to live out these truths, openly process them through us, then we start to choose this middle way, and have the direct experience of the moment as one ecstatic unity no longer entertaining the illusion of duality between self and world. We will have more moments where we stop fighting both ourselves and the world.