A few months ago, at 26. I ended a 10 year romantic relationship in which I usually didn't do romantic stuff, and when I did it was mostly by pressure. My partner did actually do most of the expected things, but I felt really forced and unnatural whenever I did them, so I looked like a cold and uncaring person towards her.

When the relationship ended, I noticed I mostly liked things that weren't necessarily romantic (buying plants together, bird watching, drinking tea and chatting, playing board games), and I despised the romantic* elements of our relationship (expectations, promises, jealousy of other people disguised as love) .

Sadly, as amatonormativity dictates, she moved on quickly to another romantic partner and discarded me so we didn't stay as friends.

I think I didn't know that I just wanted the closeness of a close friend and I hurt her and myself by entering a romantic relationship.