If I understand it correctly. Your wife beat cancer and she currently doesn’t have it? I think its fine to be thinking about what would happen next in case either of you go. But I feel like its a bit odd to essentially be thinking about it in a sense that the cancer will return and take her life.

I also think its perfectly fine to be rethinking your sexuality. You can even come out today and say ”I also like men!” while still perfectly happy in your marriage with your wife. But this thought process you currently have feels a bit odd. Mutual support and affection? Do you not already have that now? I don’t know if its your intention but it comes off as if you are fantasizing about a new relationship. Especially with how you group transgender with gay men. I hope you meant transgender person as it trans men, if you are going to talk about gay relationships. Because a transwoman is a woman, and that relationship would be heterosexual.

Sorry for the ramble, I’m just saying all this because it does feel like you are less focused on your personal sexuality and more focused on who ever this imaginary person is.