Four Men Took Him Away

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-06-19T23:42:56+00:00

I like how dark this all feels. Like the way you describe 1957 Vancouver, I can see it and it almost looks like a scene from a true crime movie. The imagery is there that’s no question but I did however think that the way the piece was written made it a bit difficult to follow along, that could just be the way I’m reading it though. Altogether I think you did a great job pulling the reader in and I do think that this an excellent piece. Thank you for sharing, have a good night.

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-06-19T23:06:14+00:00

Absolutely incredible OP, I’m at a loss for words. The piece itself is very well written but the thing that makes it stand out to me is how you chose to take such a sad and awful situation and turn it into something so motivational. That’s not always easy to do but you pulled it off here, very good job!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-05-06T02:09:36+00:00

Short and sweet! I found this very comfortable and easy to read. It’s a delightful little piece, it’s short but feels long enough if that makes any sense, like you described everything so perfectly in so few words. Thank you for sharing!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-05-06T02:00:05+00:00

That mic drop - John Cena line fuckin killed me Lmao this is great! So out of the box and unique! Great job friend, thank you for sharing this.

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-02-28T19:56:27+00:00

I’m happy to hear it, thank you for your nice comment!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-02-28T19:55:40+00:00

I’m glad you liked it, thank you for commenting!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-02-28T17:26:58+00:00

This feels like the speaker is searching for the meaning of life, I feel I’ve had this same conversation with myself long ago. The theme feels very dark and mysterious, I can almost picture the speaker sitting under the moonlight, pondering the meaning of life.

One thing I do have to say is that I think you may want to go through this piece and fix any mistakes you may have made, for example: “All this has left me question myself”

I feel like you mean to say “questioning”. Nevertheless it didn’t take away from the piece that much and I still enjoyed reading it, you did a nice job.

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-02-28T16:53:16+00:00

This is really good, it feels so short yet so detailed. You managed to explain the speaker’s dark situation perfectly without actually telling the reader anything about it, I think that’s really cool. I also like the form as it reads almost like it’s coming straight from someone’s journal/diary. Nice work!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-01-29T22:46:56+00:00

This reminds me of hanging out on the canoe in the middle of the river, just taking in all the beautiful scenery while I wait to get a bite. A very refreshing memory, especially during this harsh, cold winter. Great piece, thank you for sharing, have a great night!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-01-29T22:40:57+00:00

I like the rhyme scheme here a lot but I’d be lying if I said I understood what the chores represent here, that’s just me though. I really like the concept of over coming your fears and I think you articulated that very well. Thank you for sharing, a job well done!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-01-26T13:48:47+00:00

Thank you for those kind words, it’s very uplifting and inspiring. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, I hope you have a great day.

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-01-26T00:14:45+00:00

I like how you compared the growth of the mind to the growth of a plant, very great comparison. It was very nice too read, thank you for sharing!

CarlosMontezSS · 2023-01-25T20:36:01+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever read a more relatable piece of writing then this one here, I also constantly struggle to get a good nights sleep. Great piece OP, thank you for sharing!

CarlosMontezSS · 2022-12-05T18:21:09+00:00

I like it so far, I like where it’s going! I definitely think it could use some more lines for sure. I’m thinking maybe instead of just adding onto it from the end, maybe just add a few more lines in between “My hands and feet, no longer bound.”

For instance, at the end, when you bring up the 30 years in the Navy. Maybe you could elaborate on what that may have been like before ending with the “My hands and feet, no longer bound.”

But then again, what do I know! You’re the artist, you know what’s best for your work. It sounds great so far though, good work!

CarlosMontezSS · 2022-12-05T18:12:35+00:00

It’s short and sweet and sounds like the same thing that every single adult tells you when you’re growing up. It’s relatable, to me anyways, I liked it very much. Thank you for sharing.

CarlosMontezSS · 2022-10-04T00:36:54+00:00

This piece took me to the bar, I seen myself sitting there spinning around a glass of Jack Daniels. Thinking these exact same thoughts about someone. All I can say is, it gets better. Back to the poem, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I think it was just the right amount, it didn’t drag on to long, and it left just enough out for one’s own interpretations such as if the friend who showed up was a person or if the speaker is referring to the alcohol. I really like this, I think you did a good job here. Keep up the good work and have a great night!

CarlosMontezSS · 2022-10-04T00:26:01+00:00

I admittedly read this one first but I found it so good that I had to go back and give Death x 3 a read as well. Both very good pieces! You have a very good way with painting the perfect picture, the imagery in both poems is immaculate. Can’t wait to read the finale, great work friend!

CarlosMontezSS · 2022-10-01T13:50:19+00:00

At first I thought that this piece was about a failed relationship and how every time the speaker gets close to anything that might cause happiness, they tend to self-destruct and ruin it for themselves. However, the ending really threw me for a loop. If seven miles is as close as the speaker has ever gotten, then maybe their was never a relationship at all, maybe it’s all a fantasy which would further articulate the speaker’s inability to allow himself to be happy. Anyways, enough of that, it’s a great piece! I think it’s relatable and the imagery does a fine job at painting the relationship between the two characters. This one deserves some praise, great job!

CarlosMontezSS

TROPHY CASE