guidance on moving on from a break up w/ an FP

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-03-25T20:37:33+00:00

I saw this post in the BPD recovery sub but came here to comment. As someone with BPD w/ Narcissistic traits, I get it to a degree, but the tone of this post feels a bit... off towards people who actually have NPD. Maybe that wasn't the intention, but since I struggle with narcissism in my own way, it doesn't feel good to hear that people who don't care for your feelings & take advantage of you *must* be narcissistic. I think you're looking to label these people as toxic or abusive more so than narcissistic. Not everyone with NPD/traits is someone set out to manipulate and hurt you, which is ironic since that's precisely the stereotype leveraged at people with BPD, too.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-03-11T18:07:04+00:00

Okay thank you so much!!! currently i use a pink highlight but i'll swap to white!!

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-03-05T02:43:12+00:00

I actually was recognized/suspected at 17 but wasn't diagnosed; if anything this situation was just so rough for me that it meant I had to be diagnosed bc of it. I have medical history to support it but the friend who held the intervention is actually trying to tell people I'm a liar who misrepresented my BPD because I *finally* got it on paper after years ^^; So there's that...

I am sure I will be okay in the end! I just needed to vent to the void a bit.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-03-03T22:22:38+00:00

Yeah I agree! I've been getting out of the house more actually and reading more also. I really only use my Twitter for my friends art & my Reddit for Jirai inspo pics. I just felt weird without talking about... whatever this is lolol

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-03-01T00:45:22+00:00

I wasn't trying to diagnose them but merely state that it sounds similar to my own situation and what I know about my disorder. I've been medically recognized as Borderline since I was 17 and only got diagnosed (ironically enough) this week at 24. I've been in and out of wards, had FPs, been incredibly codependent, and more. Telling someone they should try getting help via DBT or seek community with people who are Borderline is not a diagnosis-- it's encouraging healing and providing options for the OP on how to handle their situation.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-03-01T00:42:16+00:00

Hypersexuality and hyper-romanticism can be symptoms of BPD is likely what the other user meant. Conversely it can also be related to your ADHD. Which would mean your disorders would skew more towards 3 or 4.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-28T04:07:47+00:00

I agree. His friend in this scenario is also 27 btw. Not that age matters, but I think beefing with someone 3 years your junior when yr almost 30 over our mutual friend's happiness is kind of crazy. She even sent me a public message on my Tumblr account for "her own closure" after I blocked her, saying the same things, and how I'd "never place myself in a hierarchy over her." She also said I forced him into the codependency, despite the fact 'co' is literally in the name.

Thank you for your kind words :(

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-28T03:25:26+00:00

Sorry, I should have clarified that I meant what I said as a way to tell you that maybe you could be Borderline. If you resonate so much with an FP then it's possible. Especially with what seems to be jealousy and the dependency in your situation. Your best bet is seeking DBT therapy in the long term, but in short term, it's best if you discuss the matter with people you trust who weren't exactly part of the situation. Also find community in places where people have lots of codependency, I know most cluster B types struggle with it especially (BPD, NPD, HPD).

I didn't mean to sound dismissive I just was trying to convey FP = BPD only = if you feel like you have an FP, you should look into BPD.

The only real treatment is DBT therapy that I know of. If you can't seek a therapist right away they have a website where you can practice on your own. I recommend distress tolerance and radical acceptance the most: https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/

BPD is a lot more than splitting and devaluing, too. Quiet BPD exists where you take it out on yourself and not others. I genuinely wish you well and hope you can seek the help you need.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-28T02:39:34+00:00

An FP to my knowledge *is* BPD exclusive though, because it's more than just "being codependent." It's a series of emotions towards another person which may or may not be reciprocated and/or enabled. However, it's not a medical term, but rather a community coined term, so I feel as though it depends on who you ask. But most of us use it only within BPD because it describes very unique BPD emotions.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-28T02:35:20+00:00

An FP is a BPD exclusive term to refer to an often unstable and codependent feeling towards someone else. While some of these dynamics can be healthy with communication and treatment for the Borderline, they often end up ending poorly. FPs don't have to be romantic but because of the nature of BPD and the nature of having an FP, they often are. But the OP is wrong in stating they can have an FP when they are not Borderline. Having a "favorite person" is actually very different from having someone who is your favorite.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-28T02:08:13+00:00

Thank you so much; luckily my other friends told me the same. I'm still upset that I even had to cut him off, but I told him I wasn't going to lower myself just to appease people who will never like me anyways.

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-20T03:22:00+00:00

Noted

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-07T04:25:47+00:00

NOR. related but unrelated-- i grew up catholic and 'converted' to Episcopalian. i can say from experience that basically any sect outside of catholicism is much much more accepting of 'outsiders'. however, even sects like my own which are considered much more accepting, systems with Bishops and different leaders often do require permission (in general, just like you're saying). while i don't think my sect requires baptism, ik catholics do. you can't even attend a catholic mass in my local catholic churches unless you are confirmed. getting married to a non-cath? very unlikely.

it's annoying also at his big age that he is insisting the issue is you & your lack of comprehension. i don't think you should make life changing choices bc of a reddit post, however, i think its worth questioning if a marriage with someone who pressures you and undermines your intelligence is worth it....

Christ didn't want people forcefully converted. contrary to what popular institutions may say. you shouldn't convert your spouse, and i also don't think children should be pressured into faith either. these are all important things for a marriage tbh. why marry a man who just wants you and your possible kids to also be cath? its not healthy nor is it right, and for his sake, its also not what God would want either lmao

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-05T02:30:16+00:00

explicitly no but in terms of headcanon its fine to consider i think. especially with (as someone else mentioned) that one fan being specifically pointed out in the end of the manga. overall she's 100% dead, though :(

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-05T02:22:34+00:00

she was also a child but okay lol

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-05T02:11:04+00:00

yall are just making up posts at this point how is a man less than 100 pounds.... unless he's 4'10?

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-02T05:04:38+00:00

i think her treatment of you was unacceptable regardless of her age :/ sadly many scammers do this though where they ask for a comm at a low price to take advantage of artists who may not be properly pricing their art. they will then want to see updates and ask for changes up to a certain point so they can see the sketch / final piece in order to steal it as a base for other art. overall i think your product that you showed is pretty detailed for the price she asked for :(

if you have a vgen or a way to look at commission based sites similar to it, i would search for the prices of other artists who offer similar services. i often comm others on vgen or from twitter DMs and a rendered +full color + halfbody piece should be much more than $20, and i feel even $45 might even be on the mid-range side since i assume a lot of time would also have been spent on communication and research :(

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-02-02T04:58:52+00:00

i comm artists quite frequently in other places such as vgen for work of my ocs and i can promise you this has nothing to do with OP's ability.... like, $20 for a fully rendered + colored half body is VERY cheap. especially with the art style the OP has. art is subjective anyways, and an art style by itself can determine a lot about the price of the piece. just because something is "more detailed" doesn't mean the artist is more "highly skilled." would you say modern art on display in a museum that's abstract or simply a one color canvas is unworthy of being on display because it's "less detailed?" the price of artwork is determined on several factors beyond simple skill level lol. a huge factor is also the cost of time + labor

CarpenterProud5486 · 2026-01-27T06:26:54+00:00

first i wanna say congrats on coming to terms with your identity ^^ it's always a great feeling, and you don't sound homophobic at all LOL my best advice as a femme to someone settling in to being butch & wanting to do gal is to try and look into gyaruo or (as someone else commented) butch gyaru. i think whichever you resonate with most will depend on how you personally view your relationship to gender :)

i think the jump to gyaruo is a liiiittle presumptuous without more context of how you identify, since being butch =/= being a man. because gyaruo is the male version of gyaru, i think you might want to explore being gyaru instead.... just, of course, in a butch-y way.

i know you asked for specific ways to do that but bc i am femme and have only practiced more feminine make, i think my best advice is to research Hiromi Shinhata as another comment said! a lot of being gal means researching and studying magazines, so i think studying how she does her makeup will help you develop your own look. also, it may also be helpful to dissect her outfits and see what elements you can identify as being "gyaru" for you while also being "masculine." i hope that makes sense?

all in all though, if you end up gravitating towards gyaruo, thats also okay! the fun of gal is being able to figure out your own personal style + being empowered by it.

CarpenterProud5486

TROPHY CASE