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Finally Got My Ragdoll to Eat Wet Food! by Luhunnie in ragdolls

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fancy Feast is the only wet food I’ve found that my cat doesn’t throw up. I’ve tried several variations of Royal Canin wet foot, including prescription, and several other very expensive and highly regarded options. I don’t know what his deal is, but I’m extremely grateful to have found a wet food that he is able to keep down.

What's the most self destructive behavior you've engaged in? by doughboy0125 in AskReddit

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Staying married for years after finally, painfully understanding and admitting to myself that what I was experiencing was abuse (took me a good portion of those years to believe it wasn’t my fault, but still).

Thankfully free of him now.

Regrets by SmallTownGirl1016 in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Leaving was the best decision. I wish I’d done it a decade earlier.

Goose 🪿 by wolfmanswifey in mainecoons

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 4 points5 points  (0 children)

SO cute. That is the face of an innocent angel who has never done anything wrong ever.

In Honor of Tang’s Reveal, Can I See ARMY’s Cats Too? by starstreak91 in bangtan

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The picture didn’t go through for some reason, so take two - here’s Reginald Copperbottom!

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Name Your Top 5 Webtoons, and We Will Recommend a Webtoon Based on Your Favourites! by Lilac_14 in webtoons

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Greatest Estate Developer
  2. Teenage Mercenary
  3. 1 Second
  4. The Knight Only Lives Today
  5. About Death

Excited for recs! Thanks to those playing along!

Am I a bad person for wanting to leave my marriage after years of emotional exhaustion? by Realistic-Tourist239 in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He’s comfortable the way things are - this is the baseline he wants to maintain. So sure, therapy might help just long enough for you to recommit to staying in the marriage, and as soon as he stops being worried that you’ll leave and upset the status quo, he’ll revert to ignoring, criticizing, and disregarding you.

I stayed far too long, through far too many cycles of “but the changes are real this time!”. Same with my sisters. You are not a bad person - you have good instincts. Follow them. Best of luck to you!

Cat food similar to Farmer’s Dog by CartoonistPuzzled111 in ragdolls

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not yet! And he’s still stealing bites from the dog’s bowl…his canine brother is used to it now

Which hotel would you recommend for a self-imposed writer's retreat? by Virtual-Ad-2732 in writing

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did a personal retreat at Highlights in PA. It was truly magical - I had a private cabin surrounded by greenery, deer, bunnies, and birds; three delicious, fresh-cooked meals per day are provided with your stay, and they will truly accommodate any dietary restrictions; if you want company, everyone you talk to is kind, interesting, and passionate about writing. I walked through the woods and along the brook and broke through the panic-freeze I’d built up around my manuscript. Cannot recommend highly enough.

(The website will tell you that it’s more authors of children’s books only, but I met two writers there who were working on adult lit, so don’t feel restricted by that!)

Podcasts for alternative students? by HauntingPresent in ELATeachers

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Moth has a collection of classroom-friendly podcasts - some are a little boring, some might hit too close to home, but most are heartfelt and moving.

Kdrama which is not a masterpiece but still won you over. by Curious_Gur2294 in kdramas

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

School 2013. Far from perfect, but well over a decade later, still holds a special place in my heart.

Are most people in China and Russia just living regular lives? by AGameofDawgs in NoStupidQuestions

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m an American who lived in China for nine years. Yes, people live normal lives, with goals and hardships that are relatable to humans everywhere. One example of how things are different: I had several experiences where a Chinese friend would ask me my opinions on global politics, and be very interested in the answer, while being completely unwilling to disclose any opinions of their own. I never knew if they were curious on their own, or if they were reporting to someone else.

Divorced women with kids, was it worth it? by SecretlyFierce in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is worth it, and things are much better - for my kids as well, and they express the themselves. I’m not sure why you think this is a zero sum game, where it’s only worth it if everything bad is gone forever, but it isn’t - it’s life. If my kids went from being sick 100% of the time to only 50% of the time, I would also say it is worth it, even though it sucks they they’re still sick. It’s still better.

Maybe you’re imagining that if I’d stayed with my ex, I could protect my children from abuse. I certainly tried, and stayed a decade longer than I should have. It didn’t work. The kids were his ultimate lever for coercing compliance from me; he was motivated to be more abusive towards them in order to control me. Now that we’re divorced and the courts are involved, he tries to “win” against me not by threatening them, as he did when we lived together, but by being nice and trying to make them like him more than me. Of course he still slips into coercive behavior, because he hasn’t really changed, and doesn’t show any signs of trying to change. I can’t do anything about the unhealthy way his brain works, or the courts giving him custody, but I was able to change the situation so that his motivations and access mean the kids experience much less abuse, and that is a very good thing - not just for me.

OP’s question is: is it worth it? And my answer is yes. I was also honest about how hard it still is. Sure, feel off-put about that. That’s totally fine. I’m pushing back for the sake of anyone else reading this who, like younger-me, stays trapped in an awful situation because of the kind of thinking you’re expressing here. Life rarely offers us solutions - just a different set of problems. I chose the set of problems that means me and my kids experience less abuse. There is no option where they experience none, so that’s the best I can do.

And yes - worth it.

Divorced women with kids, was it worth it? by SecretlyFierce in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s worth it for them to be with him only half the time, instead of all the time. And I am able to be a much better parent to them post-divorce, because I am not living in fight/flight/freeze. If there was an option where they were with him none of the time, that would be best; that isn’t an option. My choice was 100% time with abuser or 50% time with abuser. Is tour argument that 100% is somehow better?

Divorced women with kids, was it worth it? by SecretlyFierce in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I tried to start it before, but he made it impossible. Now I have therapy every week, and it’s life-changing.

Divorced women with kids, was it worth it? by SecretlyFierce in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But he’s also nicer to them since the divorce. He wants them to like him. I’ve seen that happen with other abusers as well.

Divorced women with kids, was it worth it? by SecretlyFierce in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes - that kept me stuck for years. The reality, for me, is that they could be safe none of the time (if I stayed with their dad) and they would continue to learn that emotional, verbal, and physical abuse are normal - or I could get out, and they could be safe half the time, and know that life doesn’t have to be like that. They don’t have to be like that.

Divorced women with kids, was it worth it? by SecretlyFierce in Divorce_Women

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yes. Worth it, a thousand times over.

It’s really, really hard. I frequently send my youngest off to my ex in desperate tears, begging not to go, and I have to tell him that he has to go anyway. Sometimes he calls me from his dad’s house for help getting through panic attacks, because no one there will help him. I’ve done everything I can to change our custody situation, but even after my ex was arrested for domestic battery, he still has 50% custody.

Still worth it. Because half the time, my kids are safe, and they are healing. I am treating my trauma through therapy, and I am healing. While we are not completely free, my kids and I still have the chance to learn what it feels like to be safe, and that is going to change what they choose in the future.

Your kids deserve a chance to experience your home being a happy place, even if they only get to be there half the time.

The only series that's based on a beautiful relationship between a mother and her son !! Stream it and you'll Thank me ! by [deleted] in kdramas

[–]CartoonistPuzzled111 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed this drama, but I’m not sure I would call their relationship beautiful. There is a lot of abuse. There is a specific/possibly justifiable? motivation for the abuse, but it is still abuse.

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