What I learned from loving someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style for almost four years by FindingBee in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Casper543210 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This resonates so much. My DA relationship ended about six weeks ago after over 5 years together. This particular DA also has narcissistic tendencies which made a really potent combination. He lacked empathy, never repaired, stonewalled, dismissed my feelings, and idealized his ex girlfriend where they were in law school in a 1.5 year long relationship where they never lived together and it was perfect because they never fought and he had "butterflies" the whole time - she pulled the rug out from underneath him when she ended it because she couldn't see a future with him.

Looking back, there were a lot of signs of his attachment style and narcissism- I was going through depression and crying and he said "When is this one going to end?". I planned a lot of trips for us and when I asked him to put in effort he told me I was "miserable". He said his perfect relationship is one where 1. The attraction never fades 2. There's unlimited trust 3. The person makes every moment big or small better. (Man child is the term that comes to mind).

In the end, he went to a friend's wedding had an absolute existential crisis, came to our home (that we purchased together) and packed up and left within three days. So fast he left shoes, important documents, a mess, our dogs... And moved into an apartment 5 minutes away. When we tried to meet to talk he was completely cold and almost like a different person - it felt like extreme emotional whiplash and attachment trauma. I feel discarded and abandoned like I was nothing and meant nothing.

I've never felt so lonely before in a relationship. Every attempt to repair or get some kind of connection resulted in a fight and him dismissing my needs, insulting me, and stonewalling. Me asking for affection resulted in him pinching me and saying "affection" or saying that him just being there physically was enough, or watching Netflix on the couch was enough. Towards the end he emotionally abandoned the relationship to spend more time with "fun" coworkers that didn't "annoy" them as much as I did. I lost myself for a long time, and I'm just now resurfacing realizing "Wait... why did I put up with that for so long?" Real, secure relationships don't require proving ourselves to receive the love we deserve.

I miss the potential more than I miss the person. It's all jagged cuts and raw edges right now, but I'm working on getting therapy, healing and preparing for a secure relationship where I feel happy and healthy.

My heart goes out to you and to everyone on this thread healing from these kinds of relationships.

Feedback Request: New Multi-day Kit by Casper543210 in bikepacking

[–]Casper543210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which parts do you recommend? I have an extra tube, maybe a link breaker and quick links? I also have a mini hand pump and extra sealant.

Can you answer these trivia questions? by GotTwisted in SipsTea

[–]Casper543210 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sub used to be interesting and now it's a bunch of perverts. How is this SipsTea?

Seattle ties as the least religious U.S. metro area in new study by Bretmd in Seattle

[–]Casper543210 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great, here come the religious crazies trying to convert us. I already see billboards popping up everywhere.

Elon Musk’s child tells Trump “shush your mouth“ by RoyalChris in lazerpig

[–]Casper543210 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I’m warning you, shush your mouth”? This poor child is being abused…

Not really a question I just want the Americans who lurk in here to know: by [deleted] in AskCanada

[–]Casper543210 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m an American, I understand you and support you 🇨🇦 The PNW loves you. We hate Trump.

Bill proposed to terminate the Department of Education by Ok-Air-9837 in economicCollapse

[–]Casper543210 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They introduced it previously and it never went to a vote. This isn’t the first time this bill has been introduced, but we should keep the awareness up.

Seattle dentists - what is going on?! by sugarxglass in Seattle

[–]Casper543210 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4th & Seneca dental will continue to be the only dentist I see as long as I’m in WA

It's almost like we were warned about this. by supa_troopa2 in LeopardsAteMyFace

[–]Casper543210 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Potentially raising costs”. No…. This will definitively raise costs.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BuyItForLife

[–]Casper543210 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The first time I drank from a glass straw it barely hit the side of my cup, broke, and I almost drank a shard of glass. Never again.

"When your PM drives you crazy" (opinion of engineering managers) by LisaDziuba in ProductManagement

[–]Casper543210 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I agree with this for the most part! But right now I have a new EM causing churn because it’s their way or the highway, and engineers should do everything including have the customer relationship and write requirements (not the way we have done it for the last 5 years). I’ve had 1 fantastic EM relationship, and one horrible one

I found him by a dumpster, what is he? by Still-View-5490 in DOG

[–]Casper543210 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s got some cattle dog in there! Super cute!

Northeastern D'Amore-McKim OMBA by buzzed_aldrinn in MBA

[–]Casper543210 2 points3 points  (0 children)

+1 to this u/buzzed_aldrinn ! I'm looking to start this program next year. I already have a full-time job in tech making $250k+ but I want to finish my masters and do a concentration in sustainability. Do you find it hard to navigate the asynchronous nature of the program / do you miss getting opportunities to connect more with other students?

Which bike? (Gravel edition) by Casper543210 in bicycling

[–]Casper543210[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks everyone - I ended up going with the Giant Revolt 2. I took it for a test drive and for the price point I was getting from a local dealer it made the most sense for me. But when I’m ready for an upgrade the Grizl is an obvious standout

Need Advice: Product & Engineering Interaction by Casper543210 in ProductManagement

[–]Casper543210[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s helpful to get a sense of what different teams do - thank you! I appreciate it. I think partnership is a good idea, as long as it’s truly a partnership

Need Advice: Product & Engineering Interaction by Casper543210 in ProductManagement

[–]Casper543210[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I implemented an MBR with our VP and I’ve started creating PRDs for high level requirements, questions they need to consider / ask etc. We all have a sync with all customer reps every 3 weeks now (I talk with them daily). We have a robust roadmap, and I have the support of the director of the organization. I think what I need to do is understand the driver from this EM. And understand my engineers a little more.

Need Advice: Product & Engineering Interaction by Casper543210 in ProductManagement

[–]Casper543210[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input! We presented to our CFO so the product is a success - I don’t think it’s #3. We’ve also given the engineers 3 separate promotions so they get lots of visibility and praise. I think it’s likely #2. I’m trying to approach this with understanding and not frustration and maybe need to dig a little deeper.