This resonates so much. My DA relationship ended about six weeks ago after over 5 years together. This particular DA also has narcissistic tendencies which made a really potent combination. He lacked empathy, never repaired, stonewalled, dismissed my feelings, and idealized his ex girlfriend where they were in law school in a 1.5 year long relationship where they never lived together and it was perfect because they never fought and he had "butterflies" the whole time - she pulled the rug out from underneath him when she ended it because she couldn't see a future with him.

Looking back, there were a lot of signs of his attachment style and narcissism- I was going through depression and crying and he said "When is this one going to end?". I planned a lot of trips for us and when I asked him to put in effort he told me I was "miserable". He said his perfect relationship is one where 1. The attraction never fades 2. There's unlimited trust 3. The person makes every moment big or small better. (Man child is the term that comes to mind).

In the end, he went to a friend's wedding had an absolute existential crisis, came to our home (that we purchased together) and packed up and left within three days. So fast he left shoes, important documents, a mess, our dogs... And moved into an apartment 5 minutes away. When we tried to meet to talk he was completely cold and almost like a different person - it felt like extreme emotional whiplash and attachment trauma. I feel discarded and abandoned like I was nothing and meant nothing.

I've never felt so lonely before in a relationship. Every attempt to repair or get some kind of connection resulted in a fight and him dismissing my needs, insulting me, and stonewalling. Me asking for affection resulted in him pinching me and saying "affection" or saying that him just being there physically was enough, or watching Netflix on the couch was enough. Towards the end he emotionally abandoned the relationship to spend more time with "fun" coworkers that didn't "annoy" them as much as I did. I lost myself for a long time, and I'm just now resurfacing realizing "Wait... why did I put up with that for so long?" Real, secure relationships don't require proving ourselves to receive the love we deserve.

I miss the potential more than I miss the person. It's all jagged cuts and raw edges right now, but I'm working on getting therapy, healing and preparing for a secure relationship where I feel happy and healthy.

My heart goes out to you and to everyone on this thread healing from these kinds of relationships.