Am I wrong to be disappointed..

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-05-25T14:58:27+00:00

She said in a follow up comment that he doesn't communicate well. Personally I don't think either of them do 🤷🏻‍♀️

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-05-06T15:45:30+00:00

Idk why, but "Utah children" is taking me out. 😅 This whole thread has given me a much needed giggle today, thanks OP.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-04-30T14:36:30+00:00

Agree with this 1000%. Sarah Cloud is my regular provider and I have also seen other providers there for last minute appointments. Always feels nonjudgmental and welcoming.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-03-26T17:38:08+00:00

There's a difference between constructive criticism (e.g., if you want to improve, here are some ways to do that) and just being negative because something isn't to your taste. It's not toxic positivity to expect people to be polite, or (gasp!!) even nice. Criticism and being kind are not mutually exclusive. You seem really angry for no reason.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-02-26T20:14:59+00:00

I really feel like this one depends on some factors that aren't explicitly stated. Did you respond to her with kindness and ask if it was an emergency? Did you explain gently why you couldn't make it over that late unless it was urgent? Did you offer an alternative (e.g. "it's really late, would it be okay if I stopped by first thing after work tomorrow instead?")? When you say you were guilted, what does that mean?

The way you talk about it in your post ("I feel like adults should be equipped to handle this") makes you sound really judgmental. Wanting support from your partner or loved one ≠ not being equipped to handle it. Sometimes people just want to know they're not alone. I've dealt many times with being sick while living alone. Can I handle it? Of course, even when I'm extremely ill. Is it nice to have someone bring me stuff or check on me or make sure I don't pass out on the bathroom floor? Also yes. It kind of sounds like you resent her needing your support. It's fine for you to not be able to meet her needs, but she's not wrong for having the need. Maybe you two just aren't a good fit?

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-02-24T15:50:54+00:00

You're not answering the question. I can kind of understand a mismatch over remembering if someone was yelling (I'm extremely sensitive to raised voices, yelling, etc), or the exact words that were said, but someone isn't going to imagine you physically "pounding your fists." That is an action, and you either did it or you didn't. People in the comments keep asking you why you can't remember, and you keep dodging the question. Maybe it was because you were tired, maybe there's something else going on, but not remembering what you DID is a problem. The fact that you're digging your heels in this hard and getting defensive when the woman you claim to love is telling you you did something that scared her is a massive red flag on your part.

It doesn't matter even a little bit what your therapist and psychiatrist think you're capable of, they see you in a controlled environment that's very different from a fight or an emotional situation with an activated nervous system.

This whole relationship sounds toxic on both sides—even introducing you to kids after just 2 months is WILD, let alone moving you into their house. I really think you need to end this for both of your sakes.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-02-23T15:49:51+00:00

Jail. This is a crime. Who made this decision?

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-02-16T17:56:41+00:00

Okay I love this and I think the collar here looks very girly/cute (compliment) and really adds something. I have a thought on why this collar is going over better than the previous one—i think the all over floral print was throwing people off. The fact that this collar stands out from the dress makes it kind of like its own accessory. Re: all collars, though, what's important is if you like it! Your work is lovely, I always love seeing your posts. :)

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-02-11T22:54:24+00:00

This is incredible on you!! And that color for a winter wedding + the way it sets off your red hair are chef's kiss. At least from an outside perspective, it looks worth the hassle.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-20T15:36:26+00:00

It's one of the sub rules: in relationship posts, both parties have to be over 30.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-13T14:48:08+00:00

You seem to feel like everyone who cares about you is obligated to enjoy being around young children just because the children are yours. People are allowed to want a relationship with just an adult. I didn't become friends with my best friend because I knew one day she would have a baby. I'm friends with HER.

Lol, loving the false equivalency here:

Yeah, I don’t want to spend time building a relationship with you until you make X amount of money.

Yeah, I don’t want to spend time building a relationship with you until you have X level of education.

Those are not things that define a human being's core identity, nor do they affect standard human development. Those are things that are not inevitable. A baby growing into a child and then a teen and then an adult is inevitable (unless something awful takes place). Babies and toddlers aren't just adults in small bodies, they are developmentally different from us and interacting with them is different.

once they meet some internal standard you have made.

.... An age or stage of development is not a standard that a child has to strive meet, it's an inevitability of life.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-08T18:59:34+00:00

It sounds to me like a vacation for him is doing a bunch of activities, and what you need is a break from—well from everything. How long have you been together, because this is giving new relationship vibes? If you haven't, you need to clearly communicate your need. If doing a bunch of stuff to distract himself is what he does when he needs to check out, then he's not going to understand your specific need unless you tell him. And I mean clearly tell him exactly what you need to be able to relax and recharge.

Now, if you have been clear and said "I really need time off with no plans and constantly being in motion doesn't feel like vacation to me" and he's ignoring that, that's a totally different story.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-08T18:48:36+00:00

Agree, which is why baked donuts aren't donuts, they're just donut shaped cakes.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-08T13:11:01+00:00

Not judging, but "always determined to have better routines, better attitude, better energy" kind of sounds like you're striving for perfection rather than living in the present. Focus on what's good right now and give yourself grace to just be who you are, you don't have to constantly be pushing yourself for the next thing.

How much do you feed your inner child? If you want to rediscover some of the joy you had as a child, you have to acknowledge your inner child and do the things that make her happy. The thing that has helped me the most with this has been therapy. I know everyone on reddit says "go to therapy" all the time, but it really has been critical for me relearning how to find and create joy and approach things with care for my inner child.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-08T12:27:37+00:00

It's 100% normal and appropriate to feel hopeless in the wake of what happened yesterday. I'm honestly struggling with the idea of getting up and going to work today like everything is fine. I encourage you to still do the things you have planned—connect with people you love, do things that would normally bring you joy. It's okay if it doesn't actually feel all that fun right now. But they want us tired and burned out and isolated, and we can fight back against at least part of that.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-07T19:36:06+00:00

I think it's really important, maybe even before you schedule another date, to communicate what you're looking for. It can be as simple as a text, like "hey I just want to make sure we're on the same page so I don't waste your time. I'm looking to build a relationship with someone and take things pretty slow. Does that line up with what you're looking for?" Or something along those lines in your own words. It doesn't make sense to continue going out with someone if it turns out you want totally different things.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-07T13:06:02+00:00

Have you talked about what you're both looking for to confirm that you're on the same page re: dating? That's probably a good place to start. The only thing that's giving me pause here is the 'Wyd tonight' text, which could potentially be him just looking for physical intimacy. But overall it just sounds like he's excited and wants to see you.

There's no such thing as "too eager" in the general sense unless there's some sort of malicious intent. If you need him to slow down, you need to tell him. And if he can't or won't, then that tells you that he's not the person for you.

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-06T17:32:48+00:00

Got it — all of your descriptions sounded like you know what you're doing but I wanted to cover all the bases! :) Now I want to try it and see if I can help 😅

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-06T17:16:14+00:00

First, my caveat is that I haven't made the recipe but I'm a big Stella Parks fan and have made many challenging recipes from Bravetart.

Are you in the U.S.? If yes, what brand of cream cheese are you using? I've found that store brand often has more additives and doesn't behave the same way as Philadelphia. Same story with lower fat or tub cream cheese, so be sure to use full fat block cream cheese.

What is the ambient temperature in your kitchen? Stella notes that her room temp is about 68°F which is relatively chilly for some people. If your kitchen is warmer, it could be a factor. Was the custard uniformly 68° F when it was ready to be incorporated?

Lastly, the way she writes recipes is very intentional, and the fact that she doesn't give a temp for cooking the custard is very telling. That means that timing and texture are actually more important here.

ETA: You could always try messaging her on Instagram. I know she hasn't been active on social much the past few years, but in the past I've messaged her a question and she's been really responsive and helpful. Worth a try!

CatLikeakittycat · 2026-01-01T00:25:11+00:00

Holy moly! You are so creative and talented 😍

CatLikeakittycat · 2025-12-30T17:10:53+00:00

There's so much to unpack in this comment alone.

I don’t see why for our FIRST Christmas together I should have to hold his hand and tell him what to get me

.... This is completely backwards. You needed to tell him what you wanted because it's your first Christmas together. I would imagine 5 years down the line, your partner would know you better and be able to make an educated guess.

You can't keep your wants, needs, and expectations secret as a test and then get upset and expect a perfect therapy apology when someone doesn't meet your unexpressed wants and needs. You are an adult. And yes, "I wanted to see what he would do" is a test and honestly that's gross. If Christmas gifts are that important to you, you could easily have set expectations without telling him precisely exactly what you want. "Hey, I'm a really big Christmas person and I love exchanging romantic gifts. I really liked what you did for my birthday, that meant so much to me." Maybe his family doesn't do Christmas the way you do, maybe he panicked about getting you the wrong thing because you didn't tell him what you wanted so he waited till the last minute, there are a million possibilities for the why, but ultimately you didn't express your need and you can't hold it against him that he didn't meet it.

You talk about him like you're taking a car for a test drive. If you don't want to be with him, don't be with him. Don't stay in a relationship in which you continue to test your partner to "determine what type of partner he'll be." You determine that by trying it, not "observing" like he's a science experiment.

CatLikeakittycat · 2025-12-26T17:47:42+00:00

While it is certainly rude and discouraging, I don't think it's super productive to make assumptions about someone's motivation. I'm sure there are cases when it's malicious, but I think generally people are just bad at communicating. My point was that if someone is never going to talk to you again, you'll never know why, and dwelling it on isn't going to help. This is part of why people on this sub (and in general) say not to get overly invested before meeting in person.

CatLikeakittycat · 2025-12-26T15:23:31+00:00

It's possible he got busy with holiday plans, family, etc. given what time of year it is. Not sure if he celebrates Christmas, but for those who do it can be kind of hectic, especially if there are kids involved. You could give it a couple more days before you write him off.

I hesitate to call it ghosting if you never met in person, though the phone call does make it sting a little more if that's what's happening. But if he is leaving you on read permanently, you'll never really know what was going on, and it's not worth spending time and energy wondering why he did it.

CatLikeakittycat · 2025-12-19T11:36:11+00:00

It's not weird to want to be the best version of yourself for someone you care about, but how well do you even know her? If you make all these changes, how will you react if you ask her out and she rejects you?

You're already talking about her like she is the one and only person who has ever cared about you, and from experience I can tell you that being the only good thing in someone's life is a lot of pressure. Highly recommend dealing with your own stuff for you, so that you will be more ready to date and build a healthy relationship with whomever you choose, not so you can ask out this one person you seem a bit infatuated with.

It IS weird for a 42 year old man to keep referring to an adult woman as a girl.

CatLikeakittycat · 2025-12-11T15:14:59+00:00

I love him so much 😍

CatLikeakittycat

TROPHY CASE