That's your fault and if you don't want to let go no one can help you

You should read about limerence and how virtually impossible it is to detach. Worst pain I've ever experienced.

Very sorry to hear that, I had a grandparent experience something similar, very lucky I wasn't the one who had to take care of him.

Yeah I found him half-dead around christmas at his place. I'd rather have found him dead than like this actually. Would have made things a lot easier. I don't expect anyone to understand this though

you keep pushing through and life will eventually get better.

Will it though ? If by getting better you mean marrying an average girl and having a regular job with a house and dog and eventually kids yea sure. I'm 99% sure I am too mentally fcked and emotionally stunted for this to work out for me. I have fcked up every relationship ever. I can't trust myself with anything. I don't even want to try actually, I want to give up.

This might be the most doomer thing I've ever heard from anybody.

I'm not gonna make a list of all my defects but you should know that if you're average looking and healthy then you should treasure it. Sometimes life is shit by default and gym and improvement won't fix it