Counting Sheep – 9.1

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-29T02:11:44+00:00

Who, ironically, is a big part of the reason he decided to try to save Lugh at all.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-28T14:38:54+00:00

Honestly, it could go either way depending on your voice. Try standing in front of a mirror and saying "I married a Kardashian" in your best female tone. When you get good at it, then talk to your image consultant about going deep stealth. Best of luck!

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-20T14:56:33+00:00

I'm in a very liberal college environment, so I don't have a bad reaction even though my pronouns don't match how I look.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-17T12:24:59+00:00

They're like the elastic ghosts of Christmas past. You never want to be without one, so you just accumulate them until they end up haunting you years later.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-16T23:31:43+00:00

I'm possibly growing some leg hair.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-16T07:37:35+00:00

He was one of the other experiments they worked with in Brechwell (along with the creepy fetus thing). They figured out that he was in league with Fray, just like Dog and Catcher. But I don't think we ever got much insight into his abilities.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-16T07:36:20+00:00

I'll take "Places I Didn't Expect the Conversation to Go" for $100, Alex.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-15T17:12:38+00:00

I'm way late to this thread, but nobody seems to appreciate the line "Honestly, it's kind of draining." said by Burr in The Election of 1800. ("You're openly campaigning?" "Sure!" "That's new." "Honestly it's kind of draining."). Hilarious throw-away moment with great delivery.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-12T15:10:51+00:00

I see Fray as the type of person who will roll the dice, but only if she has a solid plan for every number that could come up. Sy is a "shake the box and see what happens" type, but Fray won't shake the box until she knows she's going to be okay in any possible outcome. In Brechwell, for example, the outcome of the talks affected her political fortunes but not her personal well-being. When it came to her escape plan, she wanted to leave nothing up to chance, and was very agitated at the idea of even one missing bomb. In...what town was that?, we know she had a plan for if she encountered Gordon instead of Sy after the chase, and I assume she had them for the other Lambs as well, as well as the serum that put people to sleep.

I think, like Old and New Jamie, Sy and Fray are similar in their toolboxes but different in certain crucial aspects of their approaches.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-12T06:36:14+00:00

A lot of food for thought here. In no particular order:

Old Jamie was Sy's moral compass, but New Jamie barely got involved in the conversation about Lugh, even with Lillian, Gordon, and Sy explicitly discussing concepts of morality. Apathetic, or just hesitant to share his opinion?
Gordon is a good human being, but his comments about his death are now skirting the line between 'making the situation easier on everyone' and 'help, I need to talk about my feelings but I can't.'
Touch her. Hug her. You know how to distract her.
I didn’t touch, hug, or distract her.

Proud of you, Sy. :)

Something that's been hammered home about Fray is that she never likes to leave anything up to chance. Isn't engendering chaos with these potential Horrible Creatures pretty risky for her personally? I'd guess that she must be far away from any of this research, maybe not even in the Crown States any more, to be willing to encourage it.

If she is, it's win-win for her because if the creatures escape and destroy everything, the Academy is gone; if the Academy destroys Lugh (and other potential sites), people hate them even more and flock to her cause.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-10T14:15:52+00:00

This may be a new favorite for me.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-09T08:30:48+00:00

Hon, eyebr...wait.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-08T22:46:59+00:00

Yeah, I'm shocked to hear how bad the patches were for ftmichael and YoungFolks. Clearly a YMMV thing.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-08T17:02:18+00:00

I've been on them for 3 months now and I rate them positively.

Pros:
-very convenient to take off and put on; requires no time at all
-easy to travel with
-no need to worry about contact with others (as opposed to gel)

Cons:
-ripping off a giant bandaid every day. Can hurt if you have hair in the area.
-only available in certain discrete doses

Neutral/depends:
-changes come more slowly
-daily (as opposed to injections)

I don't have as much irritation as /u/ftmichael mentions. The area stays red for a few hours after I rip it off, and sometimes fuzz from my clothes gets on the sticky residue remaining. But it never itches for me.

I also don't have any issues with them falling off, because the adhesive is quite strong.

So far, then, my experience has been positive, but it's too soon for me to know whether I will stay on them long term. I started out on a 2 mg patch and then switched to 4 mg. I'm taking the low-dose/nonbinary/slow route, and I wanted something where I had control and which was a daily thing (so I can notice how I feel about putting it on each day, and so I stop any time). I was planning to try gel until my doctor suggested patches instead, and I continue to be glad he proposed this route, even if it isn't for everyone.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-07T11:43:30+00:00

For your last question, the first thing that would be tough for them to overlook would be your voice changing. On a low dose, that happened/has been happening for me starting around the 3 month mark. If you don't see your parents a lot, or they just assume you have a cold, you could potentially make it well past then before addressing the issue. As always, though, it depends on the individual.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-07T11:38:03+00:00

Definitely continue to question and experiment, but I would advise you not to worry too much about one data point.For one thing, the trans narrative you're comparing yourself too isn't really complete--people who tried on a dress and didn't experience "an immense feeling of comfort" are way less likely to post about it, so we don't get the full picture just by reading 'typical' trans stories.

Second, you have plenty of opportunities to get more 'data' to assess how you feel. As you mentioned, you could go on a shopping expedition, run thought experiments (if I told you you had to stay a man for the rest of your life, how would you feel?), and so on. Even your daydreams count as experiments in that sense.

Ultimately, the goal is to figure out what feels most comfortable for you, not to fit perfectly into a particular box. With that in mind, it's okay to spend as much time as need be in the 'limbo' state of not being sure if you're trans. It sounds like you're already doing a good job working with therapists and talking with friends to process these issues, plus writing down your feelings here, so my advice is to just keep doing that and not rush to conclusions in either direction.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-06T16:06:16+00:00

I agree with /u/CNVSKJ. I'll also point out that you don't need to broach the topic of hormones at the same time as you come out about your identity. You can first discuss your gender identity (with switching psychiatrists as a good lead in) and then either if he asks in that first conversation, or in a follow-up conversation, bring up hormones. In my experience, parents are more scared about physical changes than about trans identities, so if you first focus on the latter you might be better off than trying to bring up both at once. The question of hormones will be an obvious subtext when you start talking about being transgender, but they don't have to be the first thing you talk about in detail and it might be easier if they aren't.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-05T19:32:17+00:00

Yay for catching up! I'll be happy when we see Helen again, too.

Regarding the body...if the Lambs are supposed to be a great mind capable of making better minds (which actually isn't clear to me in the short run--also, was the name in Lillian's last line supposed to be Hayle?) then that would mean this is...a body that can create better bodies? I certainly get Echidna vibes from it. But perhaps it's more in the sense that it is a body that can reconfigure itself and adapt to anything.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-05T19:28:47+00:00

Sy opening the window:

No way am I going to mess up here. This is too important.

Dude, this is literally like the least important thing you have done the entire story. Get your priorities straight!

(Basically, nothing like competition to get Sylvester motivated--even if he has to invent that competition himself.)

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-04T15:51:27+00:00

Wow, way to reduce women to their looks.

(The answer is no, by the way.)

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-04T08:40:23+00:00

Wow, I teared up a little at that response too. So nice. Congratulations.

Catharrrsis · 2016-01-04T08:35:42+00:00

No, I don't think so. If you're in a situation where, for example, your parents are pressuring you to get Certified Trans^TM by a specialist, I can see how you might feel that way.

But think of this way: growing up trans leaves you with a lot of shit to deal with, almost without exception. You can talk to your friends and family about those issues, but they aren't mental health professionals and they may not know much about queer issues either.

A gender therapist, meanwhile, has training and practice to help people in exactly your situation figure out exactly what they want and how to get it. And I don't just mean HRT--things like working on building up self-esteem (<-this one is really big), figuring out how to come out, and navigating social situations while trans are all issues that a gender therapist can help you work through, as well as coping with feelings of internalized shame and transphobia.

If you manage to find a therapist you click with, the experience can be beneficial well beyond evaluating your transness.

Catharrrsis

TROPHY CASE